Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Oh here you are! You disappear for weeks on end, ignore the birthday greetings of your chums, hurl the memory of Batdog in my face in our first discussion after your re-appearance AND claim that the procurement of a canine mop was the cause of this vile treatment. Pah!


*Stomps off to the Library to sulk*

Oh Michael darling,


Can you even begin to imagine how much havoc one small dog can visit on my minimalist yet capacious home (did I mention that it has the square footage of the new Terminal 5 at Heathrow?)?


You can call me superficial if you must, but I am a devoted mother, dog owner (ITS A DAMN LABRADOODLE AND NOT A COCKAPOO IN CASE YOU MEET ME IN THE PARK AVEC ENFANTS ET CHIEN) and wine drinker. The financial insititutions of the planet have been trundling towards hell in a handcart, so I have been a little pre-occupied. I have been missing you Michael, and to be honest, your perky yet masculine physique, ginger top and jolly japes always draw me back, try though I might to stay away, you always win me back. I simply can't stay away...(gasp)

Oh Michael dear one, you know how I find it hard to resist you. Yes I am a married lady and sex repulses me, but there is something about you I cannot resist. I am torn between an undeniable need for my husbands extensive fortune and the fact that you have knuckles like hams and bear a striking resemblance to Frank Butcher.
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Gosh! I look super fabulous from my vibratory exercises. I adore my Power Plate.


Wafts out from behind screen and marches Michael in to show him what the noise was.


"See!"


"How incredibly foul minded you are young man."


Pours out large glass of Chablis. Sits down on Power Plate, accidentally leans on "on" switch...


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OHMYGOD!!!

Dm. Your face, it looks a little different. You look very much like, what is it? Ah yes - the Mummy of Tutankhamen. Strangely shiny, emotionless and lifeless. An improvement it has to be said.


Has there been a little filler applied? Some essence of the excretions of nubile Au-pairs imbibed?


Really you are too thin, your bones are standing out - what you need is a good curry.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Highly recommend Dulwich Eco Gardening.  When he came to quote Saied said he’d give our garden back so we could decide what we do next.  Under two weeks of hard work from Saied and Mo and we have the garden back and can see paving I’d forgotten about. Not only did Saied remove our very overgrown greenery. Nature had taken over. He also took back to our fence line overgrown ivy, apple and pear trees and and dealt with a neighbours bamboo that had invaded our garden.  We are now going to get quotes for what we do next so those quoting will be able to see the space.  Saied has suggested someone to quote and will be coming back when he does in case he has any questions or they can work together.  I thought Saied would be a good choice and he was. Quotes from others didn’t leave me with confidence for the end result. That was never a concern with Saied.
    • Having a BBQ (fingers crossed) in 2 weeks and need a small BBQ for veggie bits and any spare benches or garden tables and chairs to borrow to add to mine. Any going? Thanks in advance...
    • Oh dear, hope you are OK, I've had it three times and it was worse each time, but not a patch on many of those who got it before they vac' role out. Not commenting on the discussion as I got confused many days ago beyond the reminder that Corbyn would not compromise and the harm that could lead to him, the party and regards Brexit pre and post referendum the country.  Starmer goes too far the other way at times.  
    • I am  ill in bed with Covid. It's not that I "can't be bothered" to read things. I am feeling crap and don't have the mental  energy at the moment. I am not "brushing stuff aside and pleading ignorance." I am truthfully saying when I don't presently know enough about something to be able to comment. I have always been very careful to try to  differentiate between fact and opinion in both  my posts and other people's, and I am not clear what your point is. And I am certainly not trying to wind anybody up. This is a forum. If you don't want to respond to my posts, that's up to you. I'm not sure why you feel the need to announce it.   
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...