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*tip-toes into QR sporting hot pair of max black-out shades*

*all this visual noise in the QR is rather blinding*

*seeks out favourite chair - flops into it and cracks open an extremely well deserved Newcastle Brown*

*opens packet of Family Sized pork scratchings*

*that'll scare the lil' piglets away*

*offers them round*

*Walks into quiet room carrying old fashioned doctors' bag*

*Pours self and Brendan large Jack Daniels and a couple of pints of Guinness*

*Places bag on glass coffee table, reaches inside and pulls out two large vials marked "Weekend powder*

(Thinks...might be needing this if I'm to stay up and watch the boxing in the early hours of Sunday morning)

*Best try first...retrieves old fashioned cut throat razor from bag and starts chopping out powder into six inch lines.

*Retrieves straw from the bar and inserts into right nostril*

*Inhales deeply, sneezes and scatters powder everywhere*

*Oh bugger!*

*Notices Brendan's appalling dandruff*

*Sees that Olivia Newton John has the same problem*

*Realises, things may be retreivable after all*

*Celebrates by lighting up a Jamaican Woodbine*

*Puts Dillinger's Cocaine In My Brain on the sound system*

*Joins Brendan in a joyous skank around the Quiet Room*

Lightly pads into quiet room, realises that Jah Lush has lowered the tone substantially by turning it into a drug den - summons the local constabulary by text. Sits quietly into favourite chair, and watches as he is pounced on by large very muscular men in special uniforms and escorted to a place where he shall be unable to powder his nose for some considerable time...


"What a shame, he seemed like such a nice person...it is the family I feel sorry for"

*Pops head in door...after being wrongfully arrested on trumped up drugs charges*

*Feels Friday night was spoiled...caught in possession of a sherbet fountain indeed*

*Now I wonder who called the cops?....Hmmm....grrrr. Nothing worse than a grass*

*Spots DM fast asleep in her favourite chair...hmmm....hmmm...nothing going on here*

*Slips out again to consult with lawyers*

*Pads into quiet room wearing snuggly jumper, leggings and cashmere socks. Opens a bottle of ice-cold Cava. Pours. Curls up on chaise longue. Ahhh. Looks around. Waves magic wand and QR is bedecked in green and gold decorations and a big tree with presents under for all QR residents.*

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