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*Well I suppose the Spring clean should start*


*Could somebody take El Pibe outside, drape him over the washing line and give him a good beating? He is a tad dusty*


*There's a great big totem pole in the backyard. That's houldnt surprise me really*


*I'll clear the leaves out of the pool and take the dust sheets off ????, Otta and Jah Lush. That's a start*

  • 2 months later...
Pulls black balaclava over face and glances round. Nothing moving, or any visible sign of life. Tiptoes in to Quiet Room, silently removes bomb from backpack, conceals it, and sets timer. "Enough Semtex to bring the whole place down. In twenty minutes 'goodbye Quiet Room and all who sail in her'. Mwahahahaha". Exits silently, still laughing evil laugh...

*Tippy-toe marks in the dusty floor?*


*Follows them and finds a brown paper box with an alarm clock attached*


*It has "BOM" painted on it in a childish scrawl*


*Takes it out to the back gate where lives the recycling bin with "BOMS" written on it. Drops the box and alarm clock into it*

  • 2 years later...

*Notes the bemused faces of so many newbies*


*Sadly dusts the painting of Mrs Dobbin the Lactating Donkey and then the recumbent figure of ????, in deep repose in his favourite Chesterfield. Picks up the copy of Razzle from his lap and returns it to the library*


*Peels an unconscious red devil off the non-sliding glass door, straightens his nose and props him on the other end of the Chesterfield*

*Wakes up, rubs nose, looks across at ????, poor bloke, last time he looked that bad was at Reading '77. Decides to write a note...*


Dear ????

At the time of writing you've been asleep now for over 2 years.

When you eventually wake up, you'd better know there's some good news and bad news.

The good news is that West Ham sacked Big Fat Sam.

The bad news is he's England's manager...can't win 'em all eh!

Oh, and we're not in Europe anymore, but being a West Ham fan you'll be used to that by now.


Yours,

Red...

  • 2 months later...

* pads in softly to quiet room *


* looks around for doggy treats, can't smell or see any *


* cocks leg against fireplace and with a long sizzzzzzzzllllleeee the fire goes out *


* realises that it's now quiet and very very dark in here , lets out a silent but deadly and leaves the room *

* CAT slinks in to the room, vision perfectly adjusted to the dark *


* spies seabag in a Ferro coma in the corner near some logs *


* slinks around Alan's legs but realises they smell and are a bit damp *


* smells tripe and dog farts lingering in the air *


* decides to go next Door to where Mr Jolly lives *

  • 1 year later...
  • 2 years later...

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