a joke

[JetSetWilly]

scientists have admitted that last weeks claim that they grew sperm in a test-tube, was a load of old wank.

[KalamityKel]

I apologise in advance!

"To all my non-politically correct friends!

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as "English Weather."

Rather than offend a growing portion of the population, it will now be referred to as "Muslim Weather."

In other words - partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite."

KK disclaimer: I take no responsibility for, if any, offense is caused. I have no issues with one faith, belief or what 'ave u. It's all the same to me... *shuts mouth* Sowwy!

[Ted Max]

My wife's going to a fancy dress party in The Gulf dressed as Thelma Flintstone.

Dubai?

No, it's an Abu Dhabi do.

[Ted Max]

She's on a concert tour over there at the moment.

Qatar?

No, she's a vioinist.

[Ted Max]

Her last tour was in Korea.

Seoul?

No, mainly classical stuff.

[Ted Max]

She got really good at pub sports after spending a year studying in northern France.

Arras?

Nah, mostly billiards and table football.

[Ted Max]

She wanted to live in the Ardenne but she couldn't face the paperwork.

Rheims?

Yeah, loads of the stuff.

[Ted Max]

She was in Brittany during the war.

Rennes?

No, the WAAF.

[Ted Max]

She got caught up in a US invasion in the Caribbean once.

Grenada?

No, but they shot at her with machine guns.

[Ted Max]

She first fell in love in Eastern France but it turned out he was gay.

Nancy?

There's no need to be offensive.

[????]

She had an awful tummy in Belgium one year

Brussells?

Nah, I think it was the chips

[HonaloochieB]

I hear that Ted's wife is going to work on one of the larger Caribbean islands.

Jamaica?

No. I'm not in a position to coerce Mrs Max into that sort of committment, and even if I were I certainly wouldn't.

[????]

She spent some time in recuperation in the south of France

Nice?

Well if penicillined up to her eyeballs, no booze and Syphillis guilt was her 'bag' it could have been

[HonaloochieB]

Is it true that Mrs Max is off to a county that borders Greater London, Kent, East Sussex, West Sussex, Hampshire, and Berkshire?

Surrey?

I SAID, IS IT TRUE THAT MRS MAX IS OFF TO A COUNTY THAT BORDERS GREATER LONDON, KENT, WEST SUSSEX, HAMPSHIRE, AND BERKSHIRE???

[????]

Anyway, it was further to the east

Kent?

Well if you're going to be like that

Added italics

[HonaloochieB]

Mrs Max is off to a city in West Yorkshire to assist the local police in an ongoing investigation.

Leeds?

She'll be pursuing quite a few.

[Ted Max]

She moved on to Blackpool after that and really didn't like the look of bits of Lancashire.

Preston?

Yes, she decided to do the journey without stopping.

[HonaloochieB]

I hear tell the good Mrs Max recently visited a volcanic island in the Sunda Strait between Java and Sumatra in Indonesia. While there she had the misfortune to sustain an injury to one of her feet, but she endured it with good humour and kept the locals in stitches with her Chico Marx impersonations.

Krakatoa?

Noa, but she sure did'na do hera biga toenaila too mucha good. 'As fora sure.

[Ted Max]

She's good at going up mountains, though. In Nepal, she climbed a really high one in record time.

Everest?

No, she went all the way to the summit in one go.

[HonaloochieB]

Mrs Max on her visit to Italy went straight to the capital city.

Rome?

No, she didn't budge.

[HonaloochieB]

Mrs Max had the misfortune to be afflicted with an 'outie' navel. On visiting her GP he sent her for treatment to a specialist in North Wales.

Prestatyn?

She tried that many times before she went to North Wales.

[HonaloochieB]

Ted's missus decided that fancy cocktails were no longer for her. From now on she'd settle for a small Brtish port.

Grimsby?

Actually, now you mention it, yes.

[Huguenot]

Caught short looking for a public convenience in a Cotswold village, she finally had to 'go' behind a hedge.

Wyre Piddle?

Well, too much fortified wine I guess.

[bigbadwolf]

Pack it in you lot.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.