a joke

[BernieG]

Kate Middleton the first person to squeezew into Diana's ring since Dodi al Fayed..............::o

[BernieG]

Kate Middleton the first person to squeeze into Diana's ring since Dodi al Fayed..............::o

[Captain Scarlet]

happymummy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Kate Middleton the first person to squeezew

> into Diana's ring since Dodi al

> Fayed..............::o

lol good one!

[Captain Scarlet]

ok..toned down jokes!

Bowler hat walks into a bar and asks for a double scotch

Barman says ' I can't serve you, cos your off your head'

[Captain Scarlet]

A pianist is playing in a hotel lobby when he spots an elephant crying in the corner.

"Ah, you recognise the tune", he says.

"No" replies the elephant, "I recognise the ivory"

[Captain Scarlet]

Everyday a male co-worker walks up to a lady at the coffee machine,

inhales a big breath of fresh air and tells her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she cant stand it anymore, takes her complaint to

a superviser in the personnel department and asked to file a sexual

harassment grievance against him.

The Human resources superviser is puzzled and asks " Whats threatening

about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? "

The woman replies " Its Revill the dwarf! "

[Captain Scarlet]

There is a guy in my local Chinese takeaway that spends all day frying frozen fish. He's between a wok and a hard plaice

Also on the news earlier they announced a new drug for women that no longer want to be lesbians. It's called Tricoxagain.

[Captain Scarlet]

A guy comes into a bar one day and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy comes into the bar again and asks for the same drinks. When the bartender asks what the problem was today, the guy says,

"I've just found out my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy comes back into the bar yet again and orders another six double vodkas.

The barman says "JESUS! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah! Says the guy, "My wife..."

[Captain Scarlet]

I was standing at the bus earlier when this guy just hit me on the legs with a stick for no reason.

Naturally, I retaliated and beat the shit out of him.

Just for good measure, I kicked his Labrador as well.

[Captain Scarlet]

so, i'd been working in sellarfield for three weeks when i noticed my hair was falling outand bits of skin was falling off me, i went to the doc's and told him how worried i was, he said i was over re-acting

[Captain Scarlet]

There were seven dwarves in the shower all feeling happy, but happy got out, so they all started feeling grumpy instead.

[Captain Scarlet]

A guy walks into Joe's Cafe and sees a rabbit ordering bacon on toast. The next day he notices the rabbit orders cheese on toast. On the third day the rabbit is not in the cafe, so the guy asks Joe why the bunny hasn't shown up.

Joe said : Oh him ? He died from mixinmetoasties.

[DJKillaQueen]

Two Essex girls were stopped by a passer by in Lordship Lane who pointed to the night sky and asked them if that's the moon?

They replied 'we don't know, we are not from 'round here'.

[Captain Scarlet]

Bloke walks up to a chubby woman in a bar, gives her a wink, and says "Hi love, have you got a pen?". She blushes. "yes!" she says. The guy smiles and say "well you'd better get back in it before the farmer realises you've got out

[Captain Scarlet]

I was invited to go out clubbing last week.

But I like seals so I declined.

[Captain Scarlet]

How many scenesters does it take to change a light bulb?

It's an obscure number, you won't have heard of it!

[Sue]

Getting boring, hasn't anybody else got any jokes?

Captain Scarlet, don't you have anything else to do but post on this thread?

[Jah Lush]

The Pope was having a shower.

Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the Papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions.

Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy seed flying through the air.

"Hold on a minute," said the Pope, "You cant do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church."

"This is my lottery win," said the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for life with these photos."

So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of ?2,000,000.

The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera.

Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper.

Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much it cost you?"

Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, ...."Two million Pounds."

"TWO MILLION Pounds!" Replied the housekeeper, "they must have seen you coming"!

[Loz]

An elderly lady goes to the doctor's. "Doctor...", she says, "I seem to have this terrible flatulence problem. I'm passing wind so much. Fortunately they are silent and don't smell, but could you help me?"

"Hmmm", says the Doctor, scribbling a prescription. "Take these for two weeks then come back and see me."

Two weeks later the lady returns. "Doctor I don't know what you gave me, but it's made it worse. I'm still as flatulant as ever, but now they really stink. It's terribly embarrassing."

"Good, they worked", said the doctor.

"GOOD? It's awful. How can you say it's good?"

The doctor said, "Well, they've successfully cleared your nose out. Now let's see if there's something we can do about your hearing..."

[Captain Scarlet]

Captain Scarlet Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> How many scenesters does it take to change a light

> bulb?

>

> It's an obscure number, you won't have heard of

> it!

Just for you Sue....amother joke!....whats boring anout posting a joke?

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him under

[Captain Scarlet]

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over... and the masochist says: "Meow."

[Captain Scarlet]

What is it about astrological symbols? Virgins, twins, crabs???...

Sounds like the perfect night gone horribly wrong.

[Captain Scarlet]

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

[Jah Lush]

I met a 14-year-old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?

[Tarot]

It was Christmas eve in the harem

and holly decked the halls

Asked what the eunoch wanted for Christmas,he said,

I want a new pair of balls.