Am I making a horrible mistake? (Newborn naps)

[Emski]

My 10-wk old has never been great at sleeping in her basket, but now she seems to have taken against the buggy as well... just cries whereas it used to be virtually guaranteed to make her drop off. Now she'll only sleep in the papoose, where she will drop off quickly and sleep for hours, but am I storing up trouble for myself? Should I be pushing the basket, and even working on getting her to fall asleep on her own without rocking her into slumber first? My feeling is she's still too young for that, and to wait for the magical 12-week turnaround before biting any bullets...

Any advice? Could it just be the weather throwing her?

Thank you

[Strawbs]

someone said to me once that there is nothing in the first 12w that you do in terms of routines / sleep etc that cannot be undone. 10w is a hard age as you are utterly exhausted and feel like you should be getting things in to a routine by then but if it feels too early then just wait a week and try again and then wait a week and try again.

Do you have a shade thing for the pram for when you are out? Maybe its a bit hot and baby is just not comfy. x

[Goodliz]

Hi Emski, I agree with Strawbs completely. As she says 10 weeks is a tough time because you are very tired. Some friends may be in a routine by now too so it is hard not to compare. As I always say (with the beauty of hindsight) if sleeping was that easy there would not be so many books/ experts out there talking about the subject.

I hope it gets easier for you soon. I feel your pain having had been there myself.

Liz x

[gillandjoe]

I say don't worry about bad habits forming and do what it takes to get your baby to have a decent nap and you and her can have a break. Enjoy the papoose cuddle while your baby is still light enough for it to not kill your shoulders and back! Good luck xx

[midivydale]

Agree entirely with the others! Do whatever works and worry abouts habit later. At 10 weeks my son only slept in car seat, baby bjorn bouncer or on us as he couldnt lie flat due to reflux.

I was stoped in the street once by one of these know it all types who gave me an earful about him being in the car seat. As if I wasnt stressed and exhausted already!

The consultant at kings reassured me that it was all fine during the circumstances and reassured me with the "do whatever works" mentality.

You are doing a great job, hang in there. It gets easier on all levels.

X

[RenF]

I spent a lot of time stressing my self out about naps, particularly at the points where suddenly she wouldn't do things that had worked before, or seemed to stop napping entirely.

Basically, it's impossible to imagine it being any better or different whilst you're 'in it'. I wish I had relaxed into the just do what works mind set.

Before you know it, this phase too will have passed...

[Emski]

Thanks for the reassurance! Much appreciated. Little babies are just so perverse! Will reassess in a couple of weeks. At the moment I can't even begin to imagine persuading her to self-settle!!

[jennyh]

Exactly, just do what comes naturally and easiest. There is plenty of time to try and rotate habits etc a s frankly they seem to change their mind all the time so each day you get through without crying yourself is pretty good going!!!

[Grotty]

Do whatever feels right for you and follow your intuition. In the early months this is generally taking the easier option But as the babies get bigger you understandably start wondering if you need to change tactic and/or when. I sometimes found the decision making about anything baby-related a little overwhelming, but particularly when it came to sleep.

I was in a similar situation to you with both my kids. Both pretty rubbish sleepers at the best of times, but neither enjoyed buggies or car seats for the first few months. As a result we had constant angst about the fact that what was obviously the easiest thing for us was not necessarily the most helpful in terms of encouraging good sleep behaviour. With our first, for the first 6 months, naps/bedtime took up to 3 hours with us taking it in turns to rock/ssh/sing to/sit with etc and then again if she woke at any point in the night. We found it difficult and frustrating and obviously exhausting. In the end we called a halt to it, took some action and after trying several things, we eventually sorted it and she became a good sleeper. Our second followed the same pattern and for the first 3 months we went along with it, for the same reasons people mention above - you want to do it, the cuddles are great, its not habit forming, and it provided an easier life. But at 3 months, and expecting this would continue indefinitely as it did with our first, we followed the same tactics and again eventually got a baby who learnt how to fall asleep on their own.

I think if, when or why you do it is different for everyone. For us, the exhaustion and stress was too much, so we had to change the pattern. See where you are in a few weeks.

[klove]

Emski, I could have written your post a few months ago! I wish now I hadn't worried so much about little klove's naps and just went with the flow.

We started encouraging him at about 14 weeks to sleep in his cot which was hard work but he now does nap relatively happily in there now (he's now almost 7 months). But just to reassure you that their sleep changes so much in the early weeks that you are definitely not storing trouble with yourself.

We made the mistake of getting into the habit of feeding him to sleep, but even now I'm philosophical about it all... you do what you can to survive! It sounds like you're doing a great job, so be kind to yourself.

[PCM]

I have two children (2 and 4) and if I could go back and give myself advice when they were tiny it's that you can't do anything "wrong" when a baby is so small. Just do what feels right and what works to get your baby to sleep (feeding, rocking, carrying), and before you know it you'll be onto the next stage anyway - babies' own routines change weekly if not daily. Ignore Gina Ford! You'll know if / when the time is right to help them self settle (maybe a few months down the line) and children are so flexible that they'll adapt to a new routine or way of doing things after just 2 or 3 days when they're a bit older - so don't worry about anything you're doing now. Just give yourself a break, eat lots of cake and get through these precious but exhausting early weeks the best ways you can!

[LauraHW]

I always wonder how you don't feed a baby to sleep!

[bluesuperted]

I'm on number two and it's bliss to be away from the worries of first time mum-ness. I feed my baby to sleep left, right and centre, carry her in a sling, or in arms, for all naps and do not feel worried or guilty for a second. I did the very same with my son and he ended up napping beautifully on his own when he went to two and then one nap a day. Today he was so exhausted from his busy morning in the son that he nearly fell asleep sat on the carpet, yesterday he did the same sat next to me on the bus. He has zero sleep problems and I was totally baby led, I say cuddle and papoose your baby and enjoy it as much as you can (definitely with cake at hand).

[El Pibe]

You'll be fine.

We have a little one who had some health problems and we pandered to him much more than our eldest.

At about 6 months we realised we'd become wrapped around his little finger as his health was no longer affecting his sleeping the way it had and we did a few nights of controlled crying and all was well with the world.

As others have said, just do whatever you need to do to get through the day/night at this point, it'll all start getting easier from hereon in.

[simonethebeaver]

Like BlueSuperTed, with my number one, I basically let her do what she wanted and spent my time working out what that was. She is now a brilliant sleeper and napper, having been an appalling napper for the first few months. How they end up is luck of course, but not worrying about what you do now having any effect long term is the best thing you can do!

[Gooders79]

Apologies wrong thread...

[astrid83]

I'm stressing about a similar thing at the moment...

My son is almost 4 weeks old and wont fall asleep anywhere else but on my chest at the moment. And if I put him down to quickly in his buggy or moses basket he starts having hiccups, wakes up and gets really upset again.

So the best way to get him to sleep is to let him stay on me for a good while, and then put him down.

We had a health professional visiting us yesterday who said I might be creating bad habits, so now I am stressed about doing the right thing!

[pebbles]

Oh Astrid83, how horrible to have a health professional make you feel stressed. your baby is 4 weeks old and so so so small. Just do whatever feels right and makes you (and him) happiest.

I have to say i have always been very routine routine routine BUT at 10 wks just go with the flow. You are doing nothing that will deter her from sleeping comfortably in her cot when you are ready to do it. It's such a difficult stage because you're just soooo tired at this point. You're doing brilliantly and just keep doing whatever feels right :)

Good luck to you both and as my Mummy always said "s/he will not be sleeping on your chest on their wedding night so don't worry" or with regards to his fussyness with food "don't worry darling, he won't be having jam sandwiches for his wedding meal"

xxx

[Pickle]

Astrid, that's terrible for someone to have said that to you. I would question the use of the word "professional"!

I have used routines with my babies, but generally not seriously until around 3 months or so. Enjoy the precious moments when your baby will sleep on your chest while you can, before you know it they're all grown up.

[RenF]

Echoing pebbles and Pickle here- but seriously at 4 weeks old you absolutely cannot create 'bad' habits.

I do despair of these professionals who so casually and carelessly drop these conversational bombs. Do they really not realise the impact on a new parent?!

At that age, the only place my daughter would sleep at night was on mine or her daddy's chest. At 19 months she settles herself to sleep in her cot and sleeps through the night. Yes, we had a journey to get to this point, with some pretty bad bits along the way admittedly, but I'm pretty certain letting her sleep on our chests had very little to do with establishing a long term bedtime routine...

[Saila]

I used routines too, which is much harder with the second and we pay for it on days where our son over sleeps in the day etc.

But, as with the others, we didn't really do anything strict, nor do you need to worry bout first few weeks/months. They sleep all the time anyway in those days. So night times aren't that tough (at least they weren't for us, it only got harder when they reached 3 mnth stage hence doing a routine which *worked wonders fo us*).

Re feeding to sleep - you can prevent that by always feeding once they wake up. Then they're not fed to sleep.

Good luck

X

[sillywoman]

astrid83 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I'm stressing about a similar thing at the

> moment...

> My son is almost 4 weeks old and wont fall asleep

> anywhere else but on my chest at the moment. And

> if I put him down to quickly in his buggy or moses

> basket he starts having hiccups, wakes up and gets

> really upset again.

> So the best way to get him to sleep is to let him

> stay on me for a good while, and then put him

> down.

>

> We had a health professional visiting us yesterday

> who said I might be creating bad habits, so now I

> am stressed about doing the right thing!

Oh FGS!! Where do these people get off? You cannot spoil a tiny baby by meeting its needs, you just can't. Babies are teeny little mammals who are essentially designed to spend the first 3 months of their life attached limpet-like to a primary or secondary carer mammal (you or your partner in case you were unsure who the mammal was :D ). Please Astrid83 repeat after me - "there is no habit you can create in the first 3 months that cannot be changed or broken in the next 3 months". Ignore the rod-for-your-own-back ers, they are dinosaurs who don't deserve the slightest bit of attention at this point in your baby's life. You'll hear it time and again, but I will say it now - these early months will just fly by, blink and you'll miss them. Enjoy all the peaceful time you have with your lovely baby, however it comes. Cuddle them, adore them, hold them close, smell them stroke them, let them snooze on you, and relaax. Spend a LOT of time sitting on the sofa, let everyone else do stuff for you. Really. Enjoy it. There's plenty of time for dealing with any 'bad' habits later on.

Grrrrrrr (not at you Astrid83, at unknown HCP)

[bluesuperted]

Agree agree SW... Saying that to a mum of a 4wk old is outrageous. Although first time round I was told by my MW at I think 2 weeks postpartum that I should put the baby down more. I didn't, it felt right to hold him, it still does.

This article explains the fourth trimester really well:

http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/

[buggie]

To be fair (and as one of those "health professionals" - albeit not a HV *yet*), would like to show my thoughts/experiences shaping this.

If parents are truly happy with their child's sleep pattern/how they get them to sleep then all is fine, but we do see a lot of what would be "when sleep habits go wrong" (if it were a naff itv2 programme!) parents stressed that they can't break cycles/don't know how to settle apart from the babies falling asleep on them through day & night & these are normally much older babies/the absolute extremes where Mum & Dad are barely sleeping because of this & they need practical advice/support before they reach collapse.

Am sure most people, if could see a friend or colleague taking a path that could lead to future difficulties would maybe proffer some advice/support wouldn't they? I'm not saying that the whole way it was handled was correct, but surely it can be seen the advice wasn't malevolent?

Also, I've seen problems when babies or Mums have been admitted to hospital and the normal routine has had to go out of the window - as Suddenly Dad's settling the baby or parents have had to pop home etc & as a nurse settling babies I didn't have the option of feeding to sleep/letting them nap on me (had to be ready to respond to emergencies), but with care and tenderness could settle babies to sleep, so know when it has to be done, it can be done.

Find it odd that when different posters on here express different opinions while debated, there's always a bit of respect about where their coming from, however, health professionals seem fair game to deride & have their experience/knowledge base questioned (despite in the community, having caseloads bigger than the entire family room readership so an even wider view than often seen on here).

Sorry if this sounds chippy (I don't mean it to, honest!).

My personal feeling on baby Emski would be that it's likely a phase, if you want napping in the buggy to be an option, then maybe try it occasionally, but, if you're gut instinct is that you're managing well otherwise & you're both happy, then continue with whatever works/however it works :-)

[KateW]

Buggie, I think that the issue with the HV's advice is that the baby is 4 WEEKS OLD. If the baby was 20 weeks old, then yes, maybe a suggestion to the parent to start trying to help the baby to nap in a cot, would have been appropriate. I would still have questioned the use of the phrase 'bad habits' even then. I would have expected a professional health care worker to understand more the needs of a 4 week old and have more sensitivity to the anxieties of a new Mum.

I'm speaking as a very routine-led Mum of a toddler, who worked very hard to get my daughter into good napping 'habits'. I am currently pregnant with our second baby and have ordered a sling so that I can carry my baby for the first few months and will not worry in the slightest about creating 'bad habits' because, like many previous posters have written, nothing can't be fixed from those very early months.