why having kids is the best thing ever

[Ant]

It's not really like anything else, so explaining it can be difficult. Loz's point about the emotodrug is a good one though.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Natasha - I wasn't laughing at you, honestly. It was your way with words... And despite what some others have said about their physiques being similarly ruined, all the parents I've met on here look very splendid. You will look back in 10-20 years time and wish you look as good as you do now...

[shoshntosh]

natasha

i spent hours on the computer breastfeeding my daughter. she now (aged 5) has rather thin hair and i just sometimes wonder... a little niggling doubt in the dark recesses of my brain... was this the radiation from the computer screen?

is it possible this is the real worst(est) damage done by parenting? the constant worry worry worry guilt guilt guilt "i could have/should have done it better/different/sooner/later". but then, maybe we sorts were like that before the babes came along.

from your post you seem to miss: exotic travel, money, nights out, and your perky pups. you can get those things back. at least the first three. all in good time. as for the fourth... move to oxshott and get implants.

[shoshntosh]

p.s. my 3yrd old son just called me in to loo to show me what he produced in the toilet, asking "is it bigger than an A380?"

[NatashaD]

No thanks shoshntosh, I don't agree with breast implants. Anyway, I am not too dissatsfied with my physique as I always did loads of exercise so am not in as bad shape as I could be.

Frightening thought about the radiation from the PC, but yeh, see what you mean.....hmmm.....It's easy to feel 'guilty', but I try not to. I am doing the best I can, and although I may lose my rag with my children, from time to time (OK pretty much daily), they know they are loved and cared for.

I know I can get the 'me' stuff back in due course, but I am not sure I will ever be able to return full time to my profession as, to do it properly, it is all consuming. In short, one must be 'married to it', which I was - for many years. Found it impossible to do my job full time and bring up young children. I tried. But then felt guilty about children being in full time childcare. PLus it was so damned expensive. I have managed to get my head around being a 'mum' now, but it took time. Psychologically, I felt it was something of a 'come down' after years pursuing a relatively dazzling profession which I LOVED. (I am on maternity leave currently).

Very well put Sean.

[VeryBerryCherry]

georgia Wrote:

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> I can think of 5 reasons why I don't want any....

> actually more than 5...so you will never convince

> me

My running total is about a thousand and one...

My friend has just had a baby boy. And after hearing about that I have at least 10 more!

[VeryBerryCherry]

NatashaD Wrote:

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>

> I love my kids, but am not sure my life is

> 'better' as a result of having them.

I think somewhere in some far flung laboratory, they did a massive study on the effects of children on our lives.

And the result was that people without children are proportionatly happier. People with kids will generally, never get any "happier" for having kids.

I'm not sure how you measure happiness though - or compare it to others.

But it's still the cornerstone of my "no-mini-VBC's" policy

[SeanMacGabhann]

y'see I am very much in the VBC camp - I think I have a decent handle on what I'm like and how I react to situations. And I don't think I'd handle the various stages very well. Or I would on the surface, but underneath...

But reading shoshntosh and (particularly) lozzyloz' posts - it does provide inspirational insight.

(but in reality I suspect I am more like NatashaD... )

[NatashaD]

Like me Sean? IN what way?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Have you seen his boobs?

[VeryBerryCherry]

NatashaD Wrote:

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>

> As I have already said, (they) make you broke

> they are expensive

> you have to act responsibly

> crying, screaming and general noise

> mess

> cooking cleaning for them everyday

> pooey nappies, vomit, wee

> they embarass you

> they stress you out

> you constantly worry about them

> etcetera etcetera

This just sounds like a week with Mr VBC >:D<

[SeanMacGabhann]

PCG - very good, like it

Natasha - I was worried that would upset you! I meant my outlook on the impact children have seems to echo your views as expressed in this thread. I'm sure we can get back to disagreeing about everything else soon.. relax

[Moos]

Between all the posts, this thread has said it all.

Having a child has for me been an expansion of the heart; as someone else said you not only love your child more than you knew that you could, but also have more love for others in your life - in my case particularly the wonderful Mr. Moos, and also my own mother. My son is funny, sweet and in many ways I find him inspiring: his open affectionate nature, his fearlessness, his determination, his concentration when he is learning something new. (And he's a perfectly ordinary baby, not a superwhizzchild at all.)

But having children traps you in a particular way of life from which only military levels of planning and foxy cunning can provide a partial escape. I have only one child! but I found parts of my maternity leave incredibly difficult and depressing. I suspect that should we ever decide to have a second, I will feel much as Natasha does, with the demands of a toddler and a baby competing to exhaust and drain. Having returned to work and a job I really like has helped enormously for me, and I feel as though there is life beyond mumsiness in the shape of adult challenges, conversation and the freedom and self-respect of a pay cheque. Plus I love coming home to the little man, whereas before I couldn't wait to thrust him at his father when he came home from work...

I wouldn't go back, though, not for all the money and undamaged figure and lie-ins and grown-up holidays in the world, the Moosling and his dad, my team-mate and lover, are the light of my life.

Natasha, you have all my sympathy. I hope things balance out for you, and soon.

[ratty]

Gah - I am 9 months into my first child (they are quite chewy aren't they?). It has been a total roller coaster ride. Would I change anything? NAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

Even at 5am this morning, cradling him in my arms while he wailed and wailed for no reason I was full up of love for the little blighter!

[annaj]

VBC, there was some research published years ago (I think in the BMJ, but I could be wrong) about what makes people happy and what impact life event have. It concluded that each of us has a sort of baseline level of happiness that is intrinsic to us and that, although major life events will tranisiently change the level, we will always return to our baseline.

In other words some people are naturally happier than other and whatever happens in our lives, good or bad, nothing will change how happy we are long term.

I'm not sure I believe this theory entirely, but I think there is some truth in it.

As for the specific quesiton of children and whether having them will make someone happy, surely that depends on whether you want to have them. You say that, in your experience, couples without children are happier, but I think that's unlikely to be true for a couple who really want children and can't have them.

It seems fairly clear to me that this is entirely a matter of personal choice. Having children is the best thing ever for some people, that's clear from reading some one the lovely posts here, but not for everyone. Each individual or couple decides for themselves what is right for them and no-one else can really judge that choice.

[Moos]

What Anna said.

I meant to say in my post that having kids clearly isn't for everyone, and it doesn't make you a better or worse person if you do or don't want them. I guess my post probably reads like evangelising for children, but it was just meant as a reflection of my own experience. I completely respect that it isn't the choice for everyone...

...but just to be a bit naughty, I will add that I reckon some of the posters on here may change their minds in the fullness of time, ha ha haaaaaaaaa.

[SeanMacGabhann]

I can hear it - the siren call - faintly on the breeze

join us....join ussssss.....

[annaj]

Moos, we cross posted, I thought your post was lovely and very balanced.

[Moos]

Well, you do live in the middle of the East Dulwich Breeding Experiment.

Erk, cross-posted again! Annaj, this was a response to Sean's post!

[lozzyloz]

I reckon some of the posters on here may change their minds in the fullness of time

So true Moos. I can think of two people who were always extremely repulsed at the thought of having kids and I now count them as two of the best examples of motherhood (excepting Mrs LL) I can think of. One has a disabled child and couldn't be happier.

On the other hand my parents had four of us and were desperately miserable until the last one was booted from the nest. Now they're just less miserable.

[VeryBerryCherry]

Moos Wrote:

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> ...but just to be a bit naughty, I will add that I

> reckon some of the posters on here may change

> their minds in the fullness of time, ha ha

> haaaaaaaaa.

Oh you cheeky Moo!

It was all quite nice till you dropped that grenade in - ha ha ha! (duck for cover!)

I have to say that I wanted children, right from as far back as I can remember. I also remember having a friend who didn't want kids and I threw that line out to her during deep and meaningfuls, and watch her face go pink and steam come out of her ears. I used to find her reaction very amusing. Until a good few years later when I realised that I'd done a complete 180 on the whole kids thing. Now I understand why she got so damn mad!

It's like telling everyone you like the colour blue and they keep telling you, "no, you'll change you mind and like green one day!" (because obviously havings kids is just like picking your favourite colour! >:D< )

Not going to stress though B). Each to their own. Some people were born to parents and some weren't. The only sad thing is when people who would make the amazing parents can't have children.

[Moos]

Just teasing you, VBC. Don't be angry, or I'll point my revolting snotty child at you.

[*Bob*]

I'm a little suspicious of anybody who protests too much, so to speak; be they either 'for' or 'against'.

I have more understanding for the 'against' camp though; being told every other day (in one small way or another) by society that your life is meaningless must be incredibly irritating when you've had the balls to make your own mind up.

And anyone who considers having children to be the pinnacle of fulfillment needs to get a life: ie their own.

[NatashaD]

Sean, don't be worried that you will 'upset me'. I think you are being very polite in your posts, and I am not at all upset. I am on my best behaviour at the moment, and am sure you have noticed that.

[VeryBerryCherry]

Moos Wrote:

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> Just teasing you, VBC. Don't be angry, or I'll

> point my revolting snotty child at you.

ha ha ha! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

no worries, I took it as read.