Ok, who did it? Own up!! (Dulwich Man held over alleged sheep sex)

[looby]

Apparently his Baaarister is trying to plea baaargain for him as this is his second case, he did a pig before and it squealed on him.

[PeckhamRose]

My cousin used to tell a joke about a mate of his caught doing rude things with 10 sheep in a phone box.

To which his mates would reply "In a PHONE BOX???"

Like as if having fun with the sheep was understandable.

My cousin was from south Wales....

But to this barrrhhh story, all I can say is the sheep probably never felt a thing...

[muffintop]

Keef Wrote:

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> It would be a few busses, but I woudn't bother.

> Other than the party go go sheep and some caves,

> there isn't a lot to do.

I beg to differ Mr/Mrs Keef, on the contrary, my sister lives in Chislehurst, (actually not far from said incident!), and on the high street there you can find lots of restaurants, upmarket and normal ones, seafood restaurants and bistros and some really lovely wine bars, not to mention clubs, (these are usually all very well attended) fantastic designer clothing shops, curio shops of all kinds, and huge family pubs that have their own petting zoos! (sssshhh! don't let the ED residents know that, otherwise there will be an influx of "visiters" to "pet" the poor sheep! ha!!!) ;-)

[muffintop]

Ha! gives a whole new meaning to the magic phrase from "Babe"

"Baaaaaahhhhh raaaammmmm yooooouuu!:))"

[muffintop]

Oh well, I thought it was bloody funny!

[Michael Palaeologus]

Reminds me of a line from Portnoys Complaint - which, as I was typing it, I decided was too gross for a public forum - buy the book!

[Brendan]

Sounds like a type of scurvy.

[Crona]

Why he left his jogging pants behind? A memento? Maybe more than one sheep was involved in this...

[Zebedee Tring]

I remember being at university when 'Portnoy' was published. A woman who had read it told me that I would never feel the same way about cupcakes again. Or indeed liver. And she was right!

I don't remember there being any sheep in 'Portnoy' unless there were some wandering around Central Park NY during a climactic event.

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Yeh I was wondering about the jogging bottoms too.

Did he go home in his boxers or something?

The whole thing is just too baaazaa

[HonaloochieB]

Just an aside here. And no that's not an ass side before anyone starts all that.

As faras this sort of thing is concerned, I once read (in a book or a magazine article or a deathbed confessionI can't remember which) about a tip regarding sheep courtship.

Apparently one should position the object of one's desire (and with which one has a meaningful and equal relationship) on the edge of a cliff, precipice or ravine prior to consummating your mutual love.

Apparently the instinct on the part of your mate to push back makes the experience so much more rewarding.

For at least one of you.

Apparently.

[HonaloochieB]

And of course without setting the scene and creating the mood, the ardent zoophile is as nothing.

Music, is of course crucial. Just some suggestions, ranging from the 'raunchy' to get her (or of course him, nothing old-fashioned about this thread) in the mood, to useful suggestions for albums, for when perhaps those occasional times in the 'afterglow' when neither of you has words.

Shear - Charles Aznavour

Maaaama You been On My Mind - Rod Stewart

Doner - 10cc

Shish A Woman - The Beatles

Teenage Lambent '74 - Alice Cooper

I Wool Follow - U2

I Didn't Know I Loved Ewe ('Til I Saw You Flock And Roll) - Gary Glitter

Black Sheep Dog - Led Zeppelin

Wool Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin

If you Don't Wanna Flock Me, Flock Off - Wayne County And The Electric Chairs

I Ram, I Said - Neil Diamond

And if you're getting along nicely so far, time for an LP or two.

May I suggest:

The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway - Genesis, followed by Ewe Boots And Panties - Ian Dury.

This may not be to everyone's taste, but know I only mint well.

[Zebedee Tring]

One of the stories in Woody Allen's 'Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex...' featured Gene Wilder as a man who has an affair with a sheep. It was a send up of a genre of American film of the time about the adulterous husband, when typically his wife catches him out when she smells another woman's perfume on him.

After a session in a hotel room with the sheep, Wilder is in bed with his wife and says 'Not tonight, darling, I'm too tired'. The wife then says 'John, what's that smell on you? Isn't that mutton?'

Our Dulwich friend has obviously seen this film.

[lozzyloz]

Apparently the Ovis in question was called Beth. The accused has argued that he left his jogging bottoms behind because he was doing the Lamb Beth walk.

[Ant]

Oy!

[Zebedee Tring]

So far, this story has not appeared on Ewe Tube.

[Jennys]

It could be the guy was just after a nice Sunday roast. I have been told by my son, who lives in North Wales, that Welsh sheep-rustlers dropped their trousers so they would be hailed as sheep-shagging nutters and left to go their own way instead of being caught as sheep rustlers and hanged or sent to Botany Bay... hence the myth about the Welsh and sheep.

[HonaloochieB]

lozzyloz Wrote:

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> Apparently the Ovis in question was called Beth.

> The accused has argued that he left his jogging

> bottoms behind because he was doing the Lamb Beth

> walk.

This seems on the face of it a little contrived Lozzy.

Did he f@ck the animal, or did he not?

Jogging bottoms would appear to be the least of his worries.

His penchant for beastiality would appear to mark him out as a person to be aware of.

And, be wary of shaking hands with. Or is that just me?

[capt_birdseye]

I read the latest twist in this morning's Metro. The Dulwich Man denies any wrong-doing and claims it was the work of his twin brother (identical DNA) who lives in Sydenham!

[Keef]

Damn my evil twin! It's a fit up I tells ya!!!

*Looks for number of Barry George's legal firm*

[TillieTrotter]

Thought of you immediately Keef you dirty little sheep shagger. I thought you'd given up all that nonsense now you're a married man. Honestly..

[SimonM]

Anyone know an emoticon for a sheepish grin? B)

[Shaggy]

Looks like we are now the centre of moral depravity

[david_carnell]

The attacks left two animals dead and several others traumatised.

TO DEATH!?

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Do you think he killed them before he did the deed, or after to prevent them from testifying?