DETOX

[jumpinjackflash]

I seriously need to detox myself for the next five days - got major night out planned next Thurs and I don't think I can fit in to my dress! I've been overdoing the food and booze the last 2 months or so.

Has anyone tried a detox diet that actually worked? I was going to try the Jason Vale Juicer thing but I can't be arsed with all the juicing involved. Oh and I know all the weight will go back on when i start eating normally so you don't need to tell me. I just need to lose 3-4lbs or so before Thurs.

Yours bloatedly,

JJF

[Brendan]

Don't ask me, I've just eaten a whole box of chocolates filled with Jack Daniels. That doesn't really count as drinking at my desk does it?

[PeckhamRose]

What IS detox? Doesn't make sense at all.

Just eat healthily (and you don't need to be told what that means) for a few weeks and exercise a bit more than usual and you'll be fine. I do realise that means over Christmas. The body takes care of itself and gets all it needs from a good diet. Quite often too much of some vitamins and minerals (like you'd get in juicing) can be bad, or the body just chucks out the excess anyway!

Wouldn't it be better to go buy new clothes?! That's what I've done. !!

[jumpinjackflash]

no I need to fit in my dress before Thurs - not buying new dress.

maybe DETOX should be changed to QUICK FIX

[PeckhamRose]

Starve baby starve, but don't drink pints of water like that woman did on the news.

[jumpinjackflash]

How on earth does one drink 4 litres of water in such a short period of time without being sick anyway?

[JimmyD]

sounds like a short bout of food poisoning should do the trick!

[jumpinjackflash]

haha yes! Must book a table at a seafood restaurant on a Monday night!

[Jeremy]

Why bother with juice, just eat the fruit (and/or veg). Then you get all the fibre too, and it fills you up so you're so tempted to stuff yourself with double-deckers!

[dulwichmum]

Why not try a colonic? Let me know how you get on will you? I wouldn't dream of trying it out myself, but that sinister Scottish woman Gillian McKeith seems to consider it the way to go... Have you noticed her web site? She has been air brushed to look about 18 when she is in fact 109 (gasp).

[karter]

The thing about juicing is that eating 5 carrots in one go probably wouldn't be a good idea and would take some time but juicing them would give you a good cleansing juice and you wouldn't get bunged up with all of that fibre, especially if you will be eating a whole beetroot and three apples too.

[dulwichmum]

But isn't carrot juice or beetroot juice simply cold soup? Eugh...

[SimonM]

One of the junk brochures in the new "Radio Times" is offering a "detox patch" that you stick on overnight....

And if you believe that then I am selling Tower Bridge at a bargain price this Christmas....

[dulwichmum]

There are special bath crystals that can be purchased at SpaceNK called INA detox crystals. Apparently they are so very detoxifying that they turn the urine orange... They are a snip at only ?44 per bath. I haven't tried them myself, my mother in law stole mine when she visited last summer and was almost admitted to hospital when her unexplained "symptoms" developed. I don't think that she will be rummaging around in my en-suite again for a while (sigh).

[Brendan]

You can achieve a similar effect by drinking too much orange Kool-Aid.

[EDOldie]

(Quite) a while ago Mrs O organised the whole oldie family and we did the Ian Marber Food Doctor Diet. It's a seven day detox plan and I found it (lost just under half a stone in a week)incredibly effective and I liked the recipes. Apart from that i've found the quickest way to lose weight is to cut out the carbs, bread, pasta, rice, drink lots of water, no booze and get a bit more exercise.

It's ok for a week but one wouldn't want to make this a lifestyle choice. Well, I didn't.

[dulwichmum]

Perfect Brendan,

It is not so easy to get Granzilla to consume gallons of Kool-Aid as it is to entice her to raid my en-suite for random cosmetics.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Here's a link to HF-W's diet.

Foolproof Diet

[Cassius]

I hear the norovirus is good for weight loss - all that projectile vomiting!! unfortunately you might not feel like going out on Thursday if you get it.

[dulwichmum]

Could anyone tell me where I could get hold of the novovirus? Alternatively, I would be prepared to purchase a tape worm...

[wee quinnie]

Why don't you just get some of those Trinny and Susannah pull you in knickers, and maybe a new dress?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Some of the England cricket team have had the trots. You could fly out to their hotel for a couple of nights. (Sorry, that's just my private fantasy).

[AcedOut]

No carbs for dinner and eat little and often during the day. Try to get more cals from protein rather than carbs (not easy!). Carb up in the morning by eating a good sized portion of museli that will keep you going till lunch. Drink plenty of water over the corse of the day (around 3 litres if you can).

Limit caffeine intake - nothing after lunch if you can. If you drink milk based coffee, then always use skimmed or semi-skimmed milk.

If you do a desk job like me, you need surprisingly few carbs to get you through the day. Snack on fruit or popcorn!

[jumpinjackflash]

Thanks Aced Out - yes I have cut out the carbs in evening and the booze. Can't manage three litres of water though - i get through 1.5 so better than nothing. I swear my dress is sniggering at me everytime I open the wardrobe...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Aren't seaweed wraps meant to make you lose a few inches instantly? I think they work until you drink something and the natural weight resumes.

If you had one on Thursday afternoon you could get into your dress. Just don't drink champagne or you'll turn into Cinderella.