Rude man on bus

[Foxglove]

I'd just like to say to the rude man I encountered on the 185 bus tonight that you are a sad and pathetic little man.

I wonder why you felt the need to practically sit on my lap on the bus when there were plenty of empty seats.

Do you think I enjoyed you pushing up against me? I didn't. I think it's a form of intimidation.

Sometimes public transport is crowded and it can't be helped, I get that, it happens. We all just make the best of it and let?s face it the seats aren?t that spacious.

But sometimes, like in this instance, arseholes like you happen.

I just wish I?d said some eloquent put down at the time. Guess I don?t seek out confrontation the way you do so I?ll vent on here and hope you see it and feel ashamed of your behaviour. Because you really should.

[Jah Lush]

Why didn't you say something (anything) to him at the time? Putting your little message on this forum to that "rude man on bus" is sad and pathetic.

[Convex]

I'd say she felt intimidated (assuming you are a woman op?)

You just don't know whether it will get worse.

On the train the other day a woman asked a man next to her to not press up against her. It turned out she recognised him ie he had behaved this way before. He was verbally attacking her after that, really low level stuff but constant and she was visibly shaken up by it. Several people tried to intervene but he was horrible.

Sometimes you have to make he best choice you can at the time balancing up your discomfort vs your safety.

next time move up close to the driver, maybe?

[Robert Poste's Child]

Poor you, Foxglove; people who haven't been through that kind of thing probably don't realise how you can find yourself behaving in ways you mightn't usually, and how angry and helpless you can feel later. In this case I think using the forum to vent is a good idea, and I hope it helps.

Not sure the driver would be much help. From her post, it sounds like the guy was on the outside so she would have had to endure the humiliation of climbing over him. The last time I asked a bus driver for help he sent me upstairs and let the guy stay where he was.

[MrBen]

When you think there are almost 9 million people in London trying to make their way at any given time, it's amazing to think there isn't more confrontation. That's because the vast majority of people are decent and have a basic respect for others. Every so often you come across someone who doesn't and it's not fun but it's big city life. Anything borderline sexual harassment is awful. Those tetchy squabbles on peak time trains were enough to make me start going in earlier and getting a bus or train before 7.30 am has changed my world. The arsehole quota rises at certain times.

[RosieH]

Yeah, Jah, that's an unusually unsympathetic response from you, and unwarranted.

It is intimidating. I've intervened in the past when a man was racially abusing a woman on a packed bus. He turned on me and started threatening, at quite some volume, to rape me with his crutch. Which now, with the passage of time, sounds kind of funny it's so preposterous, but at the time I genuinely feared for my safety. The driver did nothing. None of the other passengers did anything. We held our own until eventually he got off the bus, at which point I felt really shaky and tearful, and I'm pretty bolshy.

You never know when it's going to turn nasty. There've been instances of women physically attacked and even killed for rejecting an unknown man's unacceptable behaviour, so not saying something there and then isn't remotely pathetic.

It helps when you can talk about it so you know you're not going mad. And Foxglove, you're not. It's shit. Have a whisky mac and put on some Christmas songs and remember that although there are cunts everywhere you go, most people aren't. The anger and adrenalin will abate, and you'll still be lovely, and he'll still be a cunt

xxx

[Jah Lush]

Apologies if I have caused any offence. For some stupid reason I assumed the OP was a man, still could be, though rereading the post in the clear light of day I assume that not to be the case now.

Men can be such arseholes at times (myself included) and as Mr Ben has pointed out that "quota rises at certain times." None more so than at Christmas time with once a year drinkers. Too many idiots coming home on public transport from drunken office Xmas parties. Tossers the lot of 'em.

[JohnL]

There is a type who sit next to others when seats are free - I commented about it on twitter as it is strange (in the UK) - but seems some people have a fear of the back of the bus - even some big men.

There's ghosts down there at the back :)

[Foxglove]

Thanks for all the messages, they have made me feel better.

Like you say RosieH, it already feels smaller in my mind today, but at the time it felt horrible.

Next time (hopefully there won't be one) I think I should just move away from him immediately. I can't help but think this type of person enjoys the discomfort of others and that's why they behave in this odd way so I'll just deprive him of that opportunity and find another seat.

Thanks again all xxx

[uncleglen]

There was a ridiculous young woman barging her way around the supermarket the other day- I told her to f*** off!

[JohnL]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Apologies if I have caused any offence. For some

> stupid reason I assumed the OP was a man, still

> could be, though rereading the post in the clear

> light of day I assume that not to be the case

> now.

>

> Men can be such arseholes at times (myself

> included) and as Mr Ben has pointed out that

> "quota rises at certain times." None more so than

> at Christmas time with once a year drinkers. Too

> many idiots coming home on public transport from

> drunken office Xmas parties. Tossers the lot of

> 'em.

A lot of once a year drinkers don't know pub and drunken transport etiquette.

NYE is the worst. Maybe someone should come up with a list.

[Loz]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Apologies if I have caused any offence. For some

> stupid reason I assumed the OP was a man, still

> could be, though rereading the post in the clear

> light of day I assume that not to be the case now.

Good grief - why does the gender of the OP make one iota of difference? That's just plain and simple sexism at work.

[Alan Medic]

It's probably sobriety at work not sexism.........

[red devil]

At 10pm? Could be pre Match of The Day Spursitis...

[Alan Medic]

I was referring to the apology.

[Otta]

Loz Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Jah Lush Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Apologies if I have caused any offence. For

> some

> > stupid reason I assumed the OP was a man, still

> > could be, though rereading the post in the

> clear

> > light of day I assume that not to be the case

> now.

>

> Good grief - why does the gender of the OP make

> one iota of difference? That's just plain and

> simple sexism at work.

Oh behave. Yes you can easily make a case that it's sexist, and on the face of it it is.

BUT

In the real world, a woman on her own is much more vulnerable to this kind of behaviour from a scumbag than a bloke and probably less confident in speaking up in case he gets nasty.

That is of course a generalisation, but largely true. If people want to call that sexist, fine. But it's also true.

[Loz]

I don't (and, of that matter, didn't) deny a woman is more vulnerable in that sort of situation. But being unsure as to whether to dismiss or support someone's complaint about a situation where they were made to feel uncomfortable on the basis of their gender is pretty much a dictionary definition of sexist.

[Henry_17]

That is true Loz.

[Jeremy]

Yeah I think Jah was a bit harsh... most of us know what it's like to be intimidated or scared by someone. And it's not always easy to summon the courage to confront someone who's out of order.

[Alan Medic]

He has confessed to being an arsehole at times.

[Louisa]

I would personally have confronted said individual, especially on a packed bus. But everyone is different and responds depending on circumstances. Fortunately I don't use public transport so such situations do not occur for me thankfully.

Louisa.

[Otta]

Jah was undoubtedly harsh, I cringed when I saw his post last night, and it's harsh whether the OP is male.or.female.

But he apologised and explained he thought it was a bloke. Sexist yes (which I didn't deny in my post above if you'd like to look again), but also kind of understandable in my book, because in this particular circumstance it does make a difference.

[Otta]

If a bloke is getting on buses and sitting next to men when there are loads of free seats, he's an arsehole. If he's doing that to women then in my (possibly totally sexist) book, that's far more creepy and sinister.

[Louisa]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> If a bloke is getting on buses and sitting next to

> men when there are loads of free seats, he's an

> arsehole. If he's doing that to women then in my

> (possibly totally sexist) book, that's far more

> creepy and sinister.

Otta that's assuming he is straight, he may be gay and siting next to other men for more sinister reasons too?

Louisa.

[Jah Lush]

Fook me, Loz, get off your high horse. I apologised. I admitted I was in the wrong. I wasn't thinking straight, OK. What more do you want? Jeez.