any good books on parent leaving when children are v young?

[hellosailor]

Hi all,

I'm looking for a book that will give me advice on how to make it easier for children when a parent leaves suddenly, when they are too young to go in for lengthy conversations / explanations. People have sweetly been giving me advice but it tends to be appropriate for older children with better comprehension. My eldest is 3 almost 4 and my youngest 1. They 'know' their father 'is not living with us now' but of course my eldest only retains it for so long and then starts to ask when he's coming home again a few hours later. I can't seem to find any books on how to handle it with such young children, so would love to hear if anyone knows of one. Though a couple of people have suggested it, I am keen to avoid taking my children to a child therapist if at all possible, as my own father left when I was 2 and I still recoil at the memory of those therapy sessions that my well meaning mum took us to! Made us feel more 'different' than we already did!

[StraferJack]

hi HelloSailor - how awful for YOU as well as the kids

I expect many people are trying to PM you but your inbox is full

[Mariamadeit]

Sorry to hear this, I hope that you have lots of support and that you are able to get help if/ when you want it, even just for a break. Look after yourself too.

[sillywoman]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Fault-Koko-Bear-Read-Together/dp/0916773477/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1421867373&sr=8-2&keywords=daddy+doesn%27t+live+with+us ?

SWxxx

[sanity girl]

Have sent you a PM

[Strawbs]

Oh HS I'm so sorry to hear this, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. In terms of dealing with it on a day to day I've got no clue but if it helps at all my dad left when I was 4 (for the final time!) and I have no recollection of it at all. If you need anything please do give me a shout! X

[Oxalis]

I am so sorry to hear that. I bought "Mum and Dad glue" to read with my little girl but afraid I can't recommend a specific advice book.

The Gingerbread website was helfpul for more practical things http://www.gingerbread.org.uk and also http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/your-children/what-to-tell-the-children-about-your-divorce-or-separation/

Look after yourself too.

[Amasco]

We read a good book called "It's Not Your Fault KoKo Bear" to the kids and I also hugely recommend Divorce Poison which is a MUCH better read than the title suggests.

Hugs xxxx

[Mens]

Dinosaurs Divorce is great

[hellosailor]

Thanks all, I ordered the Koko Bear one and it's arrived but seems a bit too grown up at the moment I think. Also, it does use the word divorce a lot as part of the story and my partner and I weren't married so that confuses it a bit, but may tweak my own version. Will look into Divorce Poison and Dinosaurs Divorce too, thanks guys x

[sillywoman]

There's this too lovely sailor; http://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Of-Everything-Babette-Cole/dp/0099220628, for the children - though again it may be just that little too old?

Or you could make your own relevant to the children's new circumstances. Use WORD document and add photos and suitable words. or use a story builder app on ipad - something like this maybe? http://www.friendshipcircle.org/apps/browse/stories-about-me/

Or create a personalized photo book on snappish e.g. photos of your/their home & Daddy's new home (if they go for visits)?

I know you really wanted recommendations for books for you; to help you to guide them through this difficult time of change, but I don't know any yet. I'm asking round though, and will post more info as & when I get it. Thinking of you.

SW x

[Jessie]

When my son started going to stay with my ex Two Homes by Claire Masurel really helped http://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Homes-Claire-Masurel/ though I appreciate this may not be applicable to your circumstances.

[Otta]

Obviously I don't know your circumstances or current level of communication between you and the kid's dad, but IF you're talking, could you discuss with him how HE could help with this when he sees the kids (if he does).

Best of luck to you.

[sillywoman]

Someone suggested this one to me 'Sailor; http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Mum-Dad-Two-Homes/dp/1406334286?tag=mumsnet

and I can hold of a copy for you if you'd like it?