Call for the abolition of Gyms

[Brendan]

Oi! Who do you think you?re calling ?sporty??

That?s prejudice that is.

[bignumber5]

Sorry, quite right...

[bignumber5]

So how is a saffer different from a New Zostralian? Do you tolerate trees there?

[Brendan]

By about 7000 miles by my reckoning.

Trees are tolerated in fact cutting them down is seen as a social service and a healthy alternative to the gym.

[jrussel]

woofmarkthedog Wrote:

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all the machines have flat

> screen t.v so you can plug in watch Sky & keep up

> with current affairs,

Well. I need say no more. "Keeping up with current affairs" via the medium of Sky? Just the kind of brain-rot these places foster.

That is the mind-set. Neon lights, pointless toil and Sky News.

Why don't you keep up with current affairs by engaging in the real world? Volunteer at a local park or something and get fit in the fresh air whilst exchanging views with real poeple

[jrussel]

Brendan Wrote:

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> So, so far we have had a call for the abolition of

> urban greenery an assertion that there is no

> reason to acknowledge the separate national

> identities of New Zealand and Australia and now a

> call for the abolition of Gyms. I can?t wait to

> see what this chap comes up with next.

>

> jrussel, are you actually the similarly named

> ex-England wicketkeeper known for his floppy hat,

> moustache wearing, painting and for generally

> being a nut job?

No I am not. I have not heard of him. I do not follow cricket.

[Cassius]

Brendan Wrote:

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>

> jrussel, are you actually the similarly named

> ex-England wicketkeeper known for his floppy hat,

> moustache wearing, painting and for generally

> being a nut job?

Actually Brendan I think the cricketer was with 2 l's, however like you I do wonder what will be next on the agenda. I have had a great afternoon looking at jrussel's posts on the forum. I do hope he keeps up the good work, he and Louisa can keep me chuckling for hours

[HonaloochieB]

Brendan Wrote:

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> So, so far we have had a call for the abolition of

> urban greenery an assertion that there is no

> reason to acknowledge the separate national

> identities of New Zealand and Australia and now a

> call for the abolition of Gyms.

And don't forget the anti-pasta thread, Brendan.

Toothsome that was.

I'm with JR on this one but then I'm a lazy f*cker too.

[Brendan]

Like you Honaloochie my first inclination would be to wholeheartedly support this idea. However when you delve deeper into the problem some of the possible consequences are quite frankly frightening.

Consider this if you will. On any given evening in this great city of ours there are tens perhaps hundreds of thousands of people who don sweats (as I have been informed they are called) or spandex, depending on their age, fitness level and/or fondness for Van Halen and Twisted Sister. These folk then go to gyms which are private allocated areas, where they voluntarily partake in the Sisyphusian pursuits of running on treadmills, lifting weights which fall back down again and riding bicycles to nowhere. It is all quite poetic really.

But is it the kind of thing you would like to see going on in public?

And what if it was raining? Would they want to bring this sort of thing into the pubs if they didn?t have gyms?

God help us if they do is all I can say.

What London barman or lady worth their salt would be able to respond with anything other than a Glasgow kiss and a resounding, ?You?re barred!? to a spandex clad, ciggie-dodger, jogging on the spot at the bar and asking for lucozade?

Rivers of blood. Mark my words. There will be rivers of blood.

So all things considered I think we should treat these places much the same as we do the WI and S&M clubs. Unsavory perhaps but at least they keep it behind closed doors.

[bigbadwolf]

Jrussel do you belong to some sort of bizarre religious cult?

[jrussel]

Brendan -

You do not seem to understand that it is the "closed doors" that are at the root of the problem. It is the fact that they are all cooped up together in those sweaty rooms that concerns me. If exercise is taken in the open air, the odours and hormones produced are able to dissipate as God/evolution intended. In a confined area, we find a dangerous feedback situation arising, where the hormonal/neurological pathways become overwhelmed with the over-saturated air, making everyone in the room pedal yet more furiously and futilely creating a yet more saturated atmosphere. There are scientific tests which have definitively demonstrated this. As I say, this is not what evolution intended, which is why we see so many injuries and activities such as watching Sky news or listening to unsophisticated music.

You will notice that people who do actual, productive work do not dress in the lycra that you mention. For example, builders, or miners. Why is that? Because there is no need, of course. Why do these gym addicts dress in these ridiculous garments? Is it to make them more aerodynamic as they cycle at speeds of up to zero miles per hour? Of course not. There is no reason - it is a madness and just one of the symptoms of the brain-rot that I am trying to warn about.

You might want to keep them confined in their fitness institutions, out of sight and out of mind, huh? Well, just wait until their numbers multiply until there are more of them than us. Then you will wish you had heeded the warnings while there was still time to do something.

By the way, have you ever seen a fitness centre where the standard of interior design, in aesthetic terms, is anything greater than mediocre? No. Another illustration of the brain-rot fostered in those places.

[Ted Max]

This is good stuff, jrussel. But I spot a flaw.

I think you are forgetting that tight lycra, which raises body temperatures in crucial areas, coupled with too much time spent on an exercise bike, is likely to lead to mass infertility amongst the gym rats - so these hormone-addled addicts will die out eventually, leaving their empty gyms as decaying reminders of a hubristic past where the search for perfection brought about only ruin.

In short, don't mess with nature, even if it's wearing lycra and digging the views of Adam Boulton.

[????]

What about Jims

Jim Davidson (Sorry Tony)

Jimmy Greaves (when he came to West Ham) and on the telly

...I rest my case

[jrussel]

Ted Max Wrote:

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> This is good stuff, jrussel. But I spot a flaw.

>

> I think you are forgetting that tight lycra, which

> raises body temperatures in crucial areas, coupled

> with too much time spent on an exercise bike, is

> likely to lead to mass infertility amongst the gym

> rats - so these hormone-addled addicts will die

> out eventually, leaving their empty gyms as

> decaying reminders of a hubristic past where the

> search for perfection brought about only ruin.

>

> In short, don't mess with nature, even if it's

> wearing lycra and digging the views of Adam

> Boulton.

This is unproven nonsense peddled by those who want you to believe it. Now I wouldn't want to make any statements about certain people's motivations, but suffice to say that the health centre industry is a profitable one.

Can you provide a link to a peer-reviewed study that supports your claims?

[bigbadwolf]

Feel the burn jrussel, feel the burn.

[Ted Max]

Hi jrussel, here's some good reading on the subject.

www.bmj.org/papers/stop_spamming_tedious_crap.pdf

Or if you prefer something conducted in a more controversial tone.

www.journalpsychmedicine.ac.uk/compulsion_attention_seeking.htm

[HonaloochieB]

Brendan, no one's thought to compliment on your use of the phrase 'Sisyphusian pursuits'.

Well done, quite made my day that.

Anyway sorry to interrupt, everyone else back to PT.

[woofmarkthedog]

Well JRussell you're right actually Sky news is sh*te,but ohhhh I do like the cooking programs, vintage Keith Floyd , Rick Stien ect . Each to their own . As for the park work. Nah not for me to much dog sh*t and horrid people everywhere ...Yuk

[????]

Jimmy Tarbuck

Jimmy Hill.

I rest my case (again)

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

[pre]

No I am not. I have not heard of him. I do not follow cricket[/pre]

Well really!

[Moos]

JimLFixIt.

M. le Quids, I see your point.

[????]

Another good one Moos

..and Jimbob from The Waltons

infact I think we should try and think of a Jim we like.....

[Ted Max]

Jimmy "Jinky" Johnson in the plus column, please.

Jims Callaghan and Carrey I'll leave open for allocation.

[????]

ah ha... Jim Reeves

Callaghan far toooo boring, Carrey in the minus for me

[????]

Jimmy Cliff, Jimmy Page, Jimmy Hendrix....bollox, too many positives