How Men Amuse Themselves in Tesco...

[Robyn0312]

HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or

boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card,

the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your

family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is

a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance

cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine

products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code

3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas

stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he

began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,

picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants

were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the

Mission Impossible' theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using

different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed

the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while;

then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here'

... well this explains what the other half is up to when he disappears in sainsburys

[jctg]

False. See here

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp

Very much 'internet-style' humour. And American in tone.

[bigbadwolf]

Good grief! This certainly describes a worrying downward trend in juvenile supermarket behaviour on behalf of the male gender. Fella's, if you really want to get a reaction then read carefully.

When you next have a big alcohol shop (preferably at DKH as you'll have a larger audience) stock up your trolley with booze, just booze. Here comes the fun part. Put a pack of nappies or some other baby essentials on top of the mountain of crates. Find a long and busy queue. After the cashier has wrung up all the items and announces the final bill your chance to raise the stakes arrives. Say to the cashier that you don't have enough. By this time your hold up of the queue will have started to attract attention. Start looking through your pockets for more money, the mood in the queue will be growing ever more inpatient. Feign defeat and say to the cashier "You know what...........I'll leave the nappies" and proceed to purchase all the alcohol instead. The expression on the face of the cashier and the queue will be priceless and worthy of a Blue Peter badge.

You wont find this in Snopes as I was taught this wind up by my uncle.

Good luck.

[skidmarks]

Or do a large shop put everything on the belt, and then say you forgotten something and just go home. For days when you really are bored!

[bigbadwolf]

That is exactly the lack of imagination I'm trying to combat skiders!

[skidmarks]

Well you can hide and watch and have a bet on how long they wait until it finally sinks in you?re not coming back. Then when they start clearing the belt you go back with a parsnip, saying ?got it?.

[bigbadwolf]

A Parsnip!!! If you returned to the checkout with a Parsnip and some baby oil then I'd be inclined to congratulate you on your initiative but since you've failed to exploit the attempt to it's fullest/darkest then I'm afraid you haven't made the grade. START ALL OVER AGAIN!

[skidmarks]

*Lowers head, walks off with parsnip up rectum gait, in shame and in awe of the comedy genius *

[PeckhamRose]

jctg you're sharp!

Do you write for snopes?

[Asset]

I'd stopped believing it by number 3 I think

[HonaloochieB]

I stopped believing it before I opened the thread.

[Brendan]

I don't believe you.

[HonaloochieB]

It's true Brendan, I wouldn't lie on Ian hunter's 70th birthday. What sort of person do you take me for?

[blah]

Usually stuff like like has a plethora of Golf references.

fail

[jctg]

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> jctg you're sharp!

> Do you write for snopes?

No, but hopefully I can smell bulls--- when I see it.

[Ted Max]

Blah, what have you done to Snorky?

[Dr Proctor]

This has been doing the round for years, generally sent by annoying office humourists.

I think we safely can add it to my ever expanding list of 'Things that cause irrational rage'

[jumpinjackflash]

so what if it's fake - it made me laugh

[blah]

Ted Max Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Blah, what have you done to Snorky?

What is this "snorky" you speak of ?

[Ted Max]

Thought so.

Was Special Branch onto you him? Or perhaps an irate gallery owner?