Question: Are you like your mother?

[Fuschia]

In what ways do you think you act like your own mother did?

[helena handbasket]

Too many!

[Ko]

that's a really scary question!!

[citizenED]

Yep, in many ways, like my annoying insistence on washing up the pots before we sit down to dinner and my irritating habit of telling my partner that the flowers/trees/sunset looks beautiful, I am too much like my mum - a bit of a worry since I'm a bloke.

[mrs.lotte]

"please might be nice", "what did you have for lunch today?" (the most boring question in the world for a 4 year old who cant remember anyway) "I want never gets" "play nicely"

Going from 0 to 100mph in terms of reaction to low level irritation.

More to come I expect.

[pommie]

I would definitely say I am like my mother in lots of ways. Unfortunately she passed away a month before I found out i was pregnant and I remember in my little note about her at her funeral saying that when i have kids I will take all of what she has taught me and make sure my child is brought up the way i was as she was a great mum. Now I have my own daughter, i find myself thinking "would my mum have done that etc" and if I think she would then I do it i.e. like give my daughter certain foods etc.

[Moos]

Oh pommie, that's so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've become much closer to my mother since becoming one myself, and that closer bond has brought us both a lot of happiness.

[KatsuQueen]

Yes, it's scary. I say things like..

"It's cheaper in XXXX" (when MrKatsu wants to buy stuff)

"Let's go early and come home early"

[sillywoman]

Ah Moos, that's lovely & makes me feel very sad. I've had the opposite experience & have become more distant & angry with my crap mother since having children of my own. I feel it's opened my eyes to just how crap she really was (is). Having said that I can see that I am like her in more ways than I care to think of. Mainly; lack of patience (especially when tired), like Mrs.lotte I can go from feeling 'a bit irritated' to 'losing the plot' in about 10 seconds flat, much to my poor kids confusion. And I swear too much (awful habit, must stop) Also my mouth makes the same shape hers does when I'm disapproving of something - I hate it!

[fuzzyboots]

LOL! Am SO like my mother (who died just over two years ago) that I spend a lot of time in therapy reflecting on the many irritations I felt with her and then having that being run over by a juggernaut realisation (nearly every bloody time!) that I do the same things to my own (long suffering) children.

"Manners maketh man"

"I want doesn't get"

"You'll understand why this is important when you're older" (Don't say that yet, but can feel the pressure to blurt it out building up fast!)

"Just because "X" does it, doesn't mean you should"

ad infinitum

On the other hand, being compulsively contrary, there are lots of things that I do that are exactly the opposite of my mother, which initially gives me great satisfaction only to be replaced by a feeling of annoyance that I'm reacting against her even in my differences (And now that she's dead).

I often catch myself sounding like her, doing the same heavy breathing when I'm concentrating hard on something practical, laughing like her, and even the way I move... drives me up the wall and will undoubtedly keep me in therapy for YEARS! ;)

[Belle]

I too do the 'look at the beautiful sky tonight' which is exactly what my mum does. Think i'm like her in lots of small ways, expressions etc, but can't pinpoint them - but my husband points it out and I always have to agree! Luckily I get on with my mum really well and think she's a great mother, so it doesn't bother me!

BUT recently have noticed that my technical ineptitude, and need to have basic IT type tasks explained several times is JUST like my mum. And something I used to think was quite quaint but faintly irritating...

[Pickle]

I'm scarily like my Mum, despite years and years of being in denial. A recent 6 week holiday in NZ staying with her made me realise just how alike we are.

"You will sit and EAT your dinner, and you will NOT get down from the table until it is finished"

"I have had enough of this nonsense"

Basically most of the phrases I use with my kids come from my Mum. And most are said with a much stronger kiwi accent than I have as we tend to say them the way Mum does... "ut's a but chully outsoide today". Although these days our biggest similarity seems to be an obsession with weather forecasts and the ability to get washing dry. Thankfully I'm not quite as bad as my Mum when it comes to hanging the washing out - she (verging on OCD I think) must always use the same colour pegs when hanging something requiring more than one. Same applies to socks - both must be hung using the same colour. I even bought her a big bag of pegs that were yellow, thinking I would simplify the process for her, but she still insists on using her trusty bucket of multi-coloured ones. I know Mr Pickle is waiting for the day when I do the same!

[Fuschia]

Pickle Wrote:.

> Thankfully I'm not quite as bad as my Mum when it

> comes to hanging the washing out - she (verging on

> OCD I think) must always use the same colour pegs

> when hanging something requiring more than one.

> Same applies to socks - both must be hung using

> the same colour.

OMG, I do that too.. doesn't everybody?!

[KateMontero]

The amount of issues I get just looking at this question is insane! Can't say yes, even if I am. Eeeek.

[huncamunca]

All the things I hated my mum saying to me and vowed I would never say to my kids at times just come trotting out of my mouth; 'You'll enjoy it when you get there!', 'Don't talk to me in that whiny voice.' 'If you are bored you can help me with the washing/housework/putting the shopping away/laying the table/tidying up etc...' How frustrating is that?

[Fuschia]

My mother died when I was barely 22.. my younger sister had just had a baby and my brother was doing his A-levels.

Now I'm a mother myself, it breaks my heart how scared she must have been for us (she was a single parent)

But I hope I am like her in the way that she always encouraged us to do our best, to follow our dreams.

[fuzzyboots]

Hi Fuschia,

That's very sad and must have been incredibly difficult to cope with at such a young age. I lost my dad when I was 21 and I still struggle with it, 20 years later. I still really wish that he could have know me as an adult and met my children - he died 3 months to the day before DS1 was born.

But I still had my mum right until two years ago. (For better and worse!)So she did meet all of my kids and had a strong, positive loving relationship with the older two. Sadly, my youngest was only 16 months when she died, so he doesn't remember her at all.

It is really great and admirable that you can hold close your mum's encouragement of you all and also how you can relate retrospectively to what a strong woman and loving mother she must have been. I think it's often only when you lose someone so major in your life and have to forge your own way without them that you start to realise quite what they meant and did for you. Perhaps particularly so when becoming a parent for the first time (and every other time of course). It's then that you can end up thinking "What would Mum have done?". Bloody hard though not to have that older generation available to pass on some wisdom/calm/love/support in person. ...Sigh.... HUGS

[mich]

My mum is my soul mate, hardly a day goes by when I don't see her. Since I had my daughter we both became really close. I am a young single mum and my mum was/is my rock throughout my pregnancy and is the most fantastic Nanny I could wish for, for my daughter. We are so alike and both like to play the same practical jokes on people. When we are together all we do is laugh. People say we are like Twins as we are regualry known to say the same thing at exactl the same time in situations! I hope I can be as fab a mum to my lil one as my mum is to me, and I hope that I am an inspiration to my daughter, and that we have the same bond me and my mum have (awwww, Love you Mum x.x.x)

[sillywoman]

I think I'm more like my Nana than my Mum, she and I had a very strong bond and she was my mother figure for a lot of my childhood. I miss her every day (she died when DC2 was 3 months old, nearly 12 years ago) and bitterly regret not understanding more of what she did for me, and for my Mum when she was alive to tell her. My ED name is because of her. My Mum can't bear to speak of her and was always very scathing about her when she was alive. She used to say she was a very 'silly & sentimental woman'. I'm also soppy and sentimental and I cry very easily, at stupid things just like she did (adverts, someone doing a really cool wedding dance on youtube yesterday!). It doesn't make me less of a woman, just as it never diminished my Nana to me. So to me being a "sillywoman" is something I'm proud of.

I feel very envious of those of you who have lovely Mums to whom you are close as I know I'll never have that. It terrifies me too that my daughter might reject me in the way my Mum rejected hers. In the end though, I can only be myself and support my daughter all I can. I hope we'll have a good relationship as she grows, but family history does seem to be against us.