Real Ale

[Brendan]

You could try opium I suppose.

[bigbadwolf]

Probably, but the publishers prefer their talent to be a bit of a pisshead as it's a useful distraction if the plot falls on it's arse.

"His creative muscle was hampered by his over-coming personal hurdles." Cue the follow up.

Kerry Katona needs all the insperation she can get as well. So she might as well do it shit faced.

[Ted Max]

You could try opium I suppose.

I loved De Quincey.

He was ahead of his time. He was doing that coroner/ investigator thing years before CSI.

EDITED for Clarity, and her estranged companion Wolfie, who is struggling a little.

[bigbadwolf]

De Quincey?

Was that some sort of French revolutionary forensic drama?

Whatever next, Don Columbo.

[Jah Lush]

Thomas De Quincey - 18th century private investigator, preferred opium to cigars.

[Brendan]

You?re thinking of Columbo Kahn, the epic detective series set in the Mongol Empire which was ended mid-series by a pillock from Porlock.

[Ted Max]

D.I. Robert "Jack" Frost had that whole "looking miserable in an anorak for two hours" gig sown up decades ago.

[Brendan]

Yeah that?s always bothered me. I?m sure anoraks were only invented in 2006.

[Muley]

What, you mean CSI Porlock?

"It wuz 'im wot dun 'im in wiv that boat 'ook. Look, silly sod got 'is DNA all ower it. An' ee went 'n spilled 'is 'ome made scrumpy on the corpse an' all..."

[Ted Max]

Coleridge! would be a good name for a TV detective series. Probably one of the more upmarket ones, with all a bit of poetry and that for confusing his dogged but limited assistant.

So basically Morse or Linley, then, but with a poetry motif instead of opera/ unresolved sexual tension.

[Brendan]

Sounds interesting, do any of the locals have it on tap?

[Muley]

There aren't even any Pleasure Domes in Porlock. Or Porlock Weir. Or opium eaters. Not even lotus eaters. Just a few chip eaters and cider drinkers. Meh!

[Brendan]

Pollocks.

[Brendan]

They have pollocks there I presume.

[Muley]

Pollocks, Huss and Dabs

[Brendan]

How much for a pipe full?

[Ted Max]

They do Bass (a real ale, btw) by the pint, as well.

[Brendan]

Chip Eater would be a good name for a beer.

So would Feckless Eejit or Old Anorak

[Muley]

Pipe full? That'll be the Arbroath smokie you'll be after.

[Brendan]

Pipe Full would be quite a good name too.

[SeanMacGabhann]

I'm not going to go for this one

[????]

Afternoon gents......there's a bigger fish to fry......

[Jeremy]

Fish and ale pie.

Don't fancy that much.

[HAL9000]

99

[*Bob*]

100