Top Tips

[daizie]

SHOPPERS. When you have finished and are leaving the supermarket, kindly offer your shopping list to people who are going in, as they may have forgotten to make one.

[waynetta]

Dead butterflies make excellent hang gliders for earwigs

[daizie]

A PAIR OF KNICKERS makes an ideal snack for a moderately hungry wierdo

[waynetta]

2 pairs of knickers make a great meal for a very hungry weirdo,especially if you throw in a bra for desert

[daizie]

CUT off the ends of the fingers from a pair of rubber marigold gloves. Hey Presto -a 'peep hole' bra for a slutty cow

[waynetta]

I've been called that a few times over the years

save money on expensive batteries for doorbells.simply open your front door every two minutes to check if anyone is there

[daizie]

RECENTLY come into some money? Try tissue paper instead, it's more absorbant and less costly.

[waynetta]

Help the police by popping into your local mortuary every day to see if you can identify any bodies

[daizie]

trick neighbours into thinking you're Bill Oddie by painting your face red and hiding in their garden with binoculars

[waynetta]

It's like were playing top tip tennis daizie

and here's an ace

fatties. Save money on expensive gloves this winter by simply inserting your hands in between your rolls of flab when they get cold.

[daizie]

SMACKING the tip of your cock with a teaspoon in the style of a boiled egg will distract swiftly from any stubbed toe pain

[waynetta]

Nice returned backhand volley

Nervous about your visit to the dentist? Simply have 6 to 8 pints in the pub before your appointment.

[daizie]

LEAD a conga line of monkeys and apes to provide onlookers with a guide to the 'ascent of Man' they can enjoy

[waynetta]

TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks

[????]

Stop Kids moaning that your caravanning/camping holiday is boring by setting fire to your caravan/tent in the middle of the night. If they survive the inferno they'll be talking about it for years.

[woofmarkthedog]

???? Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Stop Kids moaning that your caravanning/camping

> holiday is boring by setting fire to your

> caravan/tent in the middle of the night. If they

> survive the inferno they'll be talking about it

> for years.

------------------------------------------------------

So ?????'s

How IS the holiday going..?

W**F

[waynetta]

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

[daizie]

TRICK people into thinking you?re a West Highland Terrier puppy by wearing a tartan collar & sitting in an old boot.

[waynetta]

Run up blind peoples electricity bills by turning on all their lights when their guide dog is not looking.

[????]

Convince your neighbours you're barking by standing naked, covered in beans, singing "we'll meet again" in your garden at midnight every sunday

[waynetta]

Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers by will think you've broken down and help.

[daizie]

DETER unwelcome callers by answering the door in a bloodied butcher's apron,

[HAL9000]

Wielding your chain saw - no doubt?

[waynetta]

Always carry a tin of red paint in the boot of your car. That way if you come across an accident scene you can pretend to have been "involved"

[woofmarkthedog]

A thread...

( of mine ) ...that reaches 10 pages.....

* hand on heart *

"I've never been so underwhelmed "

W**F