Working Fulltime how to cope

[reneet]

Hello,

I have recently gone back to work fulltime. I have a 2yr old who goes to nursery when I am at work. I wonder how other mother working fulltime are coping on their own. I leave with her in the morning and pick her on my way home. I then have to make dinner, give her, her bath and and put her to bed. She should be in bed by 7pm but i rarely manage that and she is in bed by 7.30pm most nights. I am drained and never get to spend time with her except weekends as i have all these chores to do.

Would really like to know how other mothers working fulltime manage their time.

[womanofdulwich]

If you can afford it, get a cleaner/ironer. Maybe even someone that prepares a meal for you for when you get home.You cannot be expected to work fulltime and be a mum and "do" the house. if you can't find one person do do this for you maybe ask one of the nursery nurses if she would like to earn some extra money by bringing your daughter home once a week or once a fortnight just to give you a space. If you can use your freezer and microwave to cook up double/ triple meals so that you do not have to cook so much after work.

Hope this helps. If are not doing so already, try to eat with her so that when she is in bed you can have your time and a relaxing bath /red wine.

Good luck, you are doing rally well to get all that done by 7.30!!

[Fuschia]

If she has lunch at nursery, can't you just have toast in the evening or cereal/hummous and pitta?

Even a pt mium sttruggles to get everything done.. 2 is a hard age

*internet shopping

* wash one load a day

*clean once a fortnight

* buy a slow cooker

are my tips

Plus : don't try to be perfect

[Ann]

If you don't already have a tumble dryer get one and for goodness sake don't iron anything unless absolutely necessary. I work fulltime too and still find ironing very time consuming.

Do try and get good use out of your freezer, two or three nights a week without cooking will be a help. I go to the chipshop every Friday and get a takeaway every Saturday which makes the weekends a lot easier.

[womanofdulwich]

I second either a takeaway or eat out one day at weekend. LIfe is for living.I think a microwaved baked potato with baked potatoes and grated cheese is a healthy meal. So too is pasta, cheese and frozen veg.

[standswithfist]

reneet

I'm also struggling as i'm full time too with a 1 year old daughter. I don't see her in the mornings and she wants to play when i get home about 630pm/7pm. Routine is out the window. i'm lucky to get her in bed by 830pm. then i have to cook, clean, wash, not to mention any admin that comes with running a house. I need to sort out a cleaner too. My partner works full time but mainly evenings and weekends so its doubly hard when it feels like you are a single parent!! (he minds her Mon - Weds then childminder has her thurs and fri) Just last night I broke down in tears as my daughter was really playing me up, then hugging me, then trying to slap me, refused to eat, then hugged me!! I've been reading other posts that have said it does get easier but the guilt is wearing me down. I'm constantly feeling like i'm treading water trying to keep my head above water.

sorry don't mean to sound so glum think i'm just a bit depressed with it all. If i could afford not to work or even work part time that would be better. I'm hoping as everyonesays that it will get better.

[fearnpw1]

What a relief to hear I'm not the only one! I spend about 3 hours in the car each day - commuting to West London from East Dulwich. My 3 year old goes to a nursery near my work so I can be there quickly if she's ill or has an accident. It also gives us more time together (albeit in the car) - and that's time as a family because I also drop her daddy off at work this side of London before taking her to nursery.

We don't do breakfast at home - it is cereal (without milk) in the car. Along with juice. She cleans her teeth in the car after she's had her cereal.

She has tea at nursery and up until the age of 2 I did cook each night for her. She used to eat quite well but as she's got older the need for a cooked meal is less - so we can choose whether or not we want to cook. If we don't, or we've both been out for a big lunch, then I can give my daughter pasta (only 10mins) or toast or a sandwich....or more cereal! She quite likes crumpets at the moment too! And she'll have some fruit either in the car on the way home or after her tea. Whatever happens we do all sit at the table together and eat something, even if it is just a snack.

We run her bath while we're eating so it's ready for her to get into straight afterwards. As soon as she's out the bath we chill in the lounge for a bit, get her pyjamas on then she's off to bed. I can't get her to bed before 7pm - it's generally more like 7.30-8pm.

A cleaner who also does ironing is essential for me. I was doing the full time work and commute without one to begin with and it was really hard. For only ?30 a week it makes an enormous difference and gives me my weekend back with my daughter.

Meals cooked at weekends (just cook double!) and frozen for us in the week help as Ann says.

I did my first internet shop last night - think it could be the way forward! That, and trying to plan what we're eating in advance. Rather than tryign to decide in the car on the way home!

I promise you it does get easier but it's never going to be easy. It's exhausting and I can't help but feel envious of those mums who don't need to work full time. My new years resolution is to try to leave work at 4.30 on the dot because it makes such a difference to my journey time if I can get on the road straight away. And as they get older they can actually help more so while you're cooking they can lay the table or help stir something - it makes for more valuable time together.

Good luck!

[trinity]

Another tip is don't bath every day. My lot are down to 2 baths a week (sun and weds) and they still look presentable.

[ryedalema]

I'd second the bathing every day thing (for the little un, not the adults). I bathe our daughter between 2 and 4 times a week depending on how many we can manage. The whole of last year my husband worked in Sollihul (staying in hotels and getting room service!), while I looked after our 2 year old and went through the pregnancy with our second monster. So I went through the looking after everything struggle, while feeling incredibly knackered by pregnancy side effects. The worst habit I got into was co-sleeping with our two year old in the 'big bed', falling asleep to Peppa Pig or some such. A habit my eldest daughter is not keen to break now! I also had a 1.5 hour's commute each way to work (with nursery drop off half way through), so bed time ended up being nearer to 8pm than 7pm. Big tip from me would be - feed them on the way home if you can. We got quite inventive around carrot sticks, cheese and biscuits, chicken nuggets, sausages, hummus, yoghurt etc - anything that can be easily (and relatively cleanly) consumed on the move. I know if doesn't teach 'implement dexterity' but they have at least two other meals per day with spoons, forks etc and she doesn't seem to have suffered for it.

[reneet]

Phew,

It helps to know i am not the only one. My husband works in Gloucestershire so he stays there weekdays and comes home weekends. I feel better knowing others are going through it as well, if not having it worse. I am lucky I do not have to commute far as I live in East Dulwich and work in Denmark Hill. I still feel guilty about going back to work full time, but at the moment we both need to work. I have move my 2 year old's cot to our bedroom, i know its a bad idea but i just love seeing her there when i go to sleep and when i wake up. Thank you so much for sharing your tips and stories with me.

[Vangough]

I would suggest the possiblity of changing from a nursery to a childminder. I often work until late, as does my husband (my employer isn't interested in considering flexible working hours !) but our childminder will keep our daughter until 7.30pm if necessary - so she has had dinner, a bath and is ready in PJs when we collect. Obviously it's not great that it is sometimes this late in the eve, but at least her routine is kept normal and not rushed. If we do get home earlier (which I always try and do) then as bath/food etc is all out of the way any time we get is 'play' and book reading etc & feels much more quality time. My big life aim is to stop working FT though !!