Narnia

Ireland v New Zealand Now this is the sort of big match preview I like reading.

I think you'll enjoy this!

Boom boom katie4586

They were crap jokes Captain. If you recognise that why post them?

Bring Tommy Cooper Back 1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - '..If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...' 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.' 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.' 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'. 8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..' 16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat b %@*%*# !' 18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.' 20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

Ladymuck Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Shit No! I've just checked the recipe. It's > Narnia's. There's NO milk (or any liquid). That > can't be right. HELP. Narnia - where are you? I know it's a bit late but I should have mentioned I tried the said recipe myself recently. Something went wrong somewhere and it turned out like a round brick. I still ate a quarter of it before binning the rest though as I liked the smell!

??? from now on. He's obviously invested the other ?.

Should this not be 'how to boil an egg perfectly'? If not, what is a 'perfect egg'?

That's a big glass of sambuca LM!

Is anyone interested in declaring ED a Republic and manning the barriers?

I didn't but I did notice Jo Brand mentioned Dulwich hosting 'Have I got news for you' last week. Seems we like waterboarding here. Does that mean rain?

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Given Man U have been decidedly average this season for the most part and are still in the race only improves their chances I think. I don't think they can get any worse. If they hit form the others will have to too. I have a suspicion that Chelsea may have just gone over the hill though Man U may not have quite enough to be worthy champions either. Pretty average all around really.

ManOfTheCloth, whatever you saw in my posts that led you to conclude the above, you may well agree that it is no more than a position in life that one was born with, which makes me just the same as everyone else. What happens subsequently is that we lose it for one reason or another. Some forget they ever had it and others try to recover it. Think of babies. smelly nappies, crying for no apparent reason (but maybe an unapparent one) and generally taking up your time when you could be watching the football or pruning your roses. We still love them as they have what we want. The ability to give unconditional love to you and the local tramp. No judgement. We like that, though maybe we know not why. In fact as a silly parent we might even think it's something to do with us. It isn't.

So I presume more people would be made unemployed by this thus money would have to be spent supporting them and their families? Correct me if I'm wrong. Edited to add that of course this would create jobs so people could monitor the unemployed and make sure they are not claiming benefits they shouldn't be.

Ladymuck Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HELP! > > I've just started to make Irish Soda bread. I > don't have any cream of tartar. Can I substitute > with something else? I have baking powder and > bicarbonate of soda. > > HURRY... I'd love to know what you DID start with.........an oven? You used vinegar...........don't you dare call it Irish soda bread.ED maybe. PS Edited to add I presume you added a pinch of salt given where you were getting your advice from?

Is Tesco Mary still in? Don't watch it but saw her a couple of times.

Can we now have a foot and mouth outbreak in Ireland please?

In reality too Mick. I chose to watch my country playing. Do you change 'countries' each season like you do in football?

It is on BBC. Don't know who might be showing it but you can watch it live on the BBC sports webite.

You've heard of the expression of 'horses for courses' Judy, no doubt? I think I was more the boree than the bored PGC when we spoke. You nearly had my life history and hardly abbreviated much either. You poor woman. Thanks Sean for organising and good to meet you. Matthew, can we call it a draw? The '87 RWC Final WAS played in NZ but so was Wales' 3rd place play off match. Nice to meet Daizie and young Katie6789 and of course LM. Are you planning on entering the Olympics in 2012?

May we know on whose request?

Ladymuck Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > CALLING NARNIA > > What sized tin for your soda bread please? And > must it be circular? Couldn't a square do? And > how deep must it be? > > Gratefully yours. > > Mrs Bridges' Assistant. I use one of those circular tins with a removable bottom. I don't know the size and I suppose it would work just as well in a square tin. How deep..........I don't know that either..........maybe distance between thumb and forefinger deep. You need to experiment.

Ladymuck Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ha ha Saila...I've not long posted a similar > comment in the drawing room...reminds me a bit of > the poll tax riots in the days of Madam Tussaud You're not that old surely LM?

Actually cate you are less worthy of a reply with that comment than what he wrote. You 'appear' to be a bit dense. It might be wasted.