sillywoman

Definitely happy to leave my own over the age of about 9 for a short while - while I nip to the shop for example. Am also happy to leave 7 year old in the car while I pay for petrol etc.etc, but if I was paying for childcare, or if I was looking after someone else's child then I would feel very differently. I'd expect my kids not to be left unattended & I wouldn't leave other people's children without express prior agreement from their parents - not even for 5 minutes. The responsibility for other people's children feels much weightier than for my own (though obviously it isn't).

> sillywoman Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Which would those be then nom? And what measure > > of success are you using? > > westof Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Genuinely curious - can you actually name me an > > "ideologocally pure" local school? > > The point I was making was that Kingsdale seems to > be attracting some criticism for being (a) an > academy and (b) hosting a visit by the Prime > Minister. The implication is that it is either > supportive of Government policy or has been > somehow duped. > > I was poking at all the self righteous and > hypocritical indignation on this thread. > > One of our local schools is outstanding and has > been visited because it's an example of what the > current Government wants for all schools. The > leadership of Kingsdale will have taken the visit > as a validation of their success, and so should > we. I get that Nom de Plume, but as someone with a child at a school nearby that isn't Kingsdale, Id still like to know which "less successful" schools you meant. As far as I can see the schools near to Kingsdale are actually all much more successful academically. So I'm very puzzled - could you tell me which ones you were thinking of please?

Even though Kings is in Lambeth you can still register your babies at Southwark (or Lewisham) if you ask. This is because there are no hospitals technically in Southwark, and two in Lambeth. So Lambeth registry office is always inundated. To ease this a little they have an agreement that if you live in Lewisham or Southwark, you can register your babies birth at those registry offices.

Forgiving the past is all fine & dandy, but it's not the past that we're talking about here. It's the present, current and continued behaviour into the future. How do you have a relationship that is 'great' with someone who does the verbal equivalent of sticking you with daggers every time you have a conversation, and when you see that abuse beginning to played out on your children then it's surely time to remove or distance yourself from that preson? We're not talking 'ups and downs' here Zeban, we're talking sustained and continued emotional abuse, for whatever reason. That's not really something a bit of forgiveness can remedy. As a Mum I'm only too aware of my human frailties. I know that there's every possibility that my daughter will be feeling like this about me at some points in her life. No relationship is perfect, but I also know that I'm very different to my Mum. I care and I show it - even if it does make me vulnerable. I'm watching for these times and won't be afraid to tackle them head on. A continued relationship with my child, and the offer of my support as they grow to adulthood is the most important thing to me. As for HH being 'childish', well I can't find the words to explain the depth of anger that kind of thoughtless and damaging comment aroused in me. Just because you've sorted out your 'ups and downs' you shouldn't assume to be expert on anyone else's relationship. This has become a thread where people are sharing their sense of hurt and loss due to bad parenting after they've had children of their own. Until you have experience of this yourself (and I hope you never do) you really should refrain from commenting. Your criticism is not constructive - It's immature and unhelpful. Have you ever heard the expression 'walk a mile in a mans shoes before you judge him'? Good advice to you in this instance.

Nom de plume Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > As a parent did you apply to Kingsdale and it's > dubious academy status or did you send your > children to the ideologocally pure but less > successful schools nearby? > > Which would those be then nom? And what measure of success are you using?

Wow Helena, Thankyou so much for being so honest about your Mum. there's so much of your post that I could have written but this bit; "and now that I'm a mother I'm more and more enraged by her inability to get over herself for my benefit at any point of my life" is straight out of my mouth. I've posted elsewhere on this forum in the past about my crap Mum, so I won't repeat myself. Suffice to say that I too read the NCT thing about how your relationship with your Mum gets stronger after the birth of your first child, and my blood boiled, because for me the birth of my first child was the catalyst for opening my eyes to just how bad a Mother mine really is - mind, it's taken me 15 painful years to really accept it though. It's so good to realise that it's not just Me (cos it does feel like that - like there must be something wrong with me if not even my Mother wants to be a Mum to me), & that there others out there with crap Mums too who feel the same frustration, hurt and anger. It's difficult to see your Mum friends being looked after and helped by their Mums, to watch their Mums building relationships with the grandchildren and to know that you won't be getting any of that, and it happens so often that you feel like it's only you. I've often felt that it's like a dirty little secret that I couldn't share - My Mum isn't interested in me, mine or my life. So Thankyou HH, and ruth, & reren, & LEDF, & all you others for being brave enough to share. It really does help a lot.

Thats good then.

Yes, agree with both the above. Bodsier - I don't really think that au-pairing is meant to be a career, with pay to match. I don't really get your working extra 'out of necessity' comment. Do you mean that you don't consider ?80 a week enough money for a young persons leisure needs? I'm sorry - I can't really grasp what you're getting at?

bodsier - you (the employer) feed them & house them & pay all utilities. The ?60 is 'pocket money' of a sort.

Wow! I heard ?80 for 25 hours a week, plus food & lodging. The extra ?1000 a month makes me a bit suspicious - why do they feel they need to pay that? Maybe I've grown too cynical?

Word of warning though: always check the first name goes with the last name. Heard this week of a childhood friend whose parents called him 'Ewan', would have been fine except his last name was 'Kerr'. A 9 year old boy would take about 6 seconds to work out the potential of that one!

Oh goodness, now I've dropped myself in it haven't I? OK, well a few years ago there was a campaign to get another community state secondary school, along the lines of the Charter, to serve East Dulwich and Nunhead. I'm so sorry but I can't remember what it called itself. Hopefully someone else will come come along with more knowledge of it. Clearly we didn't get one, but I was assuming that the campaign was still going? Maybe it's not? Clearly we do need another Secondary school down in this tail end of the borough, but it probably needs to serve a wider area given that Mark is posting from Camberwell & his son is having to deal with the lack of Secondary places we have available to us. Sorry to disappoint anyone getting excited at the thought of joining a campaign. If it is still going though I think that your desire for change would be able to achieve a huge amount for it Mark. I haven't been following closely enough the difference between getting a 'free school' founded and, for example, starting a new state school like we did with The Charter. I am biased because I was involved from the start in the campaign to get a decent state secondary (that eventually became The Charter), and I have some children there, but The Charter seems like such a successful model that I don't quite understand why you are campaigning for a 'free' school Mark and not a state secondary in the same mould? Is the difference just a matter of where the funding comes from? Kingsdale has also turned itself around marvelously as Prickle says, but I think that a huge grant from 'the public purse' along side the hard work, dedication & commitment of a core team of staff enabled it to do this, and of course sadly it's not a community school so cannot be counted on in the reckoning to secure places at decent state secondary schools for our children in the southern tip of the borough.

Love Bonnie, Congratulations rahrahrah, well done.

I found a bedside radio really helpful. I'd have it on really low so no disturbance for anyone else, also it meant that I had to concentrate hard to focus on what was being discussed. This meant my brain didn't start whirring about all the other stuff that usually comes to the fore in the wee small hours. And invariably I fell back to sleep . I still use it now - it has one of those useful buttons which means I can set it for 30 minutes or an hour or so then it turns itself off. It has been one of my baby best buys I think. Chantelle - getting ready for work at 5.30am ::o - as my teens would say 'respect'!

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Mark Dodds Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > If highly > > educated and politicised clowns like these put > as > > much effort into ensuring decent standards > spread > > through existing school provision there > wouldn't > > be any demand for far better access to decent > > education > > > The problem I think you're missing, Mark, is that > free schools have arisen out of political dogma > and with the diversion of resources and attack on > staff terms and conditions, are seen As an attack > on existing schools And those who support them and > their work > > We could equally say how much better it would be > if you put your energies into defending our > community schools at a time of attack, rather than > put yourself forward as a darling of this > idealogical campaign your energy & commitment would be very much appreciated by those campaigning for another community state secondary school in the south of the borough.

Hmm Thanks for noticing Dee. They'd have to be cocky to be transporting them so openly in the daytime. But they do seem to be fairly cocky - and with good reason. We are a bit despairing about this situation to tell the truth. We've had 5 motorbikes go over the last 10 years. All bar this one were on the road (though locked and chained) and all are taken in a similar way. Clearly a gang is at work and seems to be targeting our area/road. We really thought by making a space to have this one off road, next to and chained with a big chain to the house we would be safe. But it appears not. Mr S needs to replace his bike because it's how he gets to work and back, but what on earth can we do to keep any new bike safe? We just don't have access to a garage or secure facility - so are we doomed to just hand over our motorbikes to these thieves every 6-12 months? What on earth else can we do to deter them? Any suggestions (sensible) appreciated.

Oooh, LEDF that is cute. Wish I'd had more girls - I found/find it much easier to chose girls names than boys.

5 hours plus - woo-hoo! That's practically sleeping through isn't it? :))

SO what happened F?

What is it you'd like to know beec? (and what's happened to the thread title?)

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Tully in the book is a girl Sigh.:(

Give a little to get a little bodsier. We're a caring & sharing forum. :)

Didn't read the book - will clearly have to now! Tully was the only boys name we could both agree on at the time. I had a secret hankering for a boy called "Tolly" after the boy in the 'Green Knowe" books (childrens series), but Mr SW wouldn't agree. Did like 'Tully' though so Tully he is!

Got big chain wombat, our bike was chained up to house wall. Chain just cut through. Sorry our bike being stolen will affect your insurance premium though :-S. Poor form indeed.

Two from Trossachs rd within a week of each other. MO the same & very, very slick. Both bikes taken from very small front gardens (can only just fit bike in) inches away from the front room windows in the middle of the night. One garden very well shielded the bike is extremely hard to see from the road so clearly thieves knew the bike was there and were well planned. Nothing heard or seen by houses occupants both sets of whom sleep directly above where the bikes are with open windows. Bikes were biggish one a BMW 650 I think (Mr SW's bike - I can't recall exact model without paperwork) so that's what they seem to be after. If you have a motorbike please be extra theft concious at the moment and do all you can to lock your bike safely. Clearly having it steering locked, off road in your front garden, behind a wall with a hedge & with a small gate as the only entrance just isn't enough. :(