Emerson Crane

86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1. To make an appointment to see me #2. To query a missing payment. #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? Your Humble Client And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off. I love this, it touches on many of the things that I abhor about banks and banking

Do the stanley - Stackridge

Jeremy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Not as such, no. Tell me which bit you disagree > with. Its not that I disagree as such, but I have a distinct dislike of financiers and bankers for my own personal reasons, and you seem to very very protective and vocal in your rebuffs of shots at financial institutions and banks. So if you're "not as such" I'm guessing that there is connection but you prefer not to state what it is.

Apparently he was doing a random drugs test on the spur of the moemnt, as Ferdinand, as history has shown, has a tendency to forget to attend them.

Jeremy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Brendan Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Why so defensive of ?the banks?? > > Partly because of the stuff about "giving the > financial sector more power" and banks "putting > guns to people?s heads". It's disingenuous, the > banking system didn't decide to increase tuition > fees. > > And partly because the student loans company is a > public sector organisation. They are not bank > loans. > > And partly because the portrayal of the finance > industry as public enemy no.1 is getting rather > tiresome and predictable. Especially when it is > supported by distorted facts. May I ask if you are a financier or a banker by any chance?

Do the Strand - Roxy Music

red devil Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > 'bout now Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Oh dear, pressure. > > > > RD you can't always have it your own way. BR > has > > always been myopic, so have you. > > Pressure, what pressure? We're used to the > pressure of challenging for the League, just like > you're no doubt used to pressure of a relegation > dogfight ;-) > > Myopic? I don't disagree, to varying degrees that > applies to most on here, although I am more than > capable of seeing the bigger picture, and more > than happy to contribute to non-Utd issues. > > http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GFxgnPNG8nU/TCoXoGP3nWI/ > AAAAAAAAAbE/eTLZfafSGoA/s200/mr_magooglasses.jpg > > Despite the rampant myopism, I don't expect to see > crass postings like BR's on the EDF. It's the sort > of post you get on 606, TalkSport, etc. Despite > his protestations to the contrary, his post IMO > served no purpose other than to paint (unintended > pun) Utd fans in an extremely bad light, otherwise > why post it? There isn't a club in the country > that hasn't got a number of mindless morons who > support them. I could quite easily put up similar > posts where Citeh/Liverpool 'fans' have sprayed > Munich graffiti, sung songs etc (only last night > Citeh 'fans' were singing Munich songs and waving > their arms mimicing an airplane), and likewise > Liverpool supporters can about Utd 'fans' and > Hillsborough, but I choose not to... Forgive me, and I'm not try to wind you up here, but aren't you trying to point score here? Surely the best way to respond to those posters that you find offensive, would be to ignore them??? Only asking Edited as I can't spell "them" properly, d'oh!!

Plain and simple greed, I'd like to think these people don't sleep easy at night, but scum with no conscience are unlikely to be troubled by the outrage shown by the likes of us. Shame on them nontheless.

Ridgley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Emerson when I posted it I did not see Jah Lush's > thread he beat me to it but here you go below > > > Annie,I'm Not Your Daddy - Kid Creole & The > Coconuts Now I'm totally lost

Saw series of films conmplete bloody mess

Godfather 3 Waste of time

While I sympathise with the situation many students now face with the increase in fees, my sympathy is somewhat diminished when I see people kicking in windows and damaging property. I expect this on a Saturday down the Old Kent Road after MIllwall have lost at home, but from the supposed cream of future generations, it's definitely a case of "you said, our survey said..........

SeanMacGabhann Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > didn't Liverpool lose that same fixture last year? > It's progress at least Looking at their league position, I wouldn't call that progress, I would call it a big backward step. It's unfortunate but they rely far too heavily on Stevie G and Torres and when they don't perform, they're buggered. I feel for those two, and you can't help but think that they are seriously considering moving on in order to prolong their careers, or face burn out as a result of the the over reliance by the club on the both of them.

Whilst watching my sons mates play for for Dulwich Hamlet against Whyteleafe last night (they won 2 nil), I also managed to keep an eye on the Manchester derby. Both sides were more worried about losing the game than winning it and as a result did Chelsea a big favour. Joey Barton reverted to type, yet again, by punching Pederson, and Newcastle came back down to earth with a bump by losing at home. Scott Parkers goal was easily the goal of the night, and Blackpool were unlucky, yet again. The Arsenal got a good win, very pleased, as Molineux is not as easy place to go to and get a result these days. Fabregas should know better than to dive in on a player, especially when the player is going nowhere fast. Essiens red card was deserved and Chelsea could have won by a hat full. And so to Liverpool. What can you make of a team that only a few days previously beat the champions of England and puts in a very average shift against Wigan. On this evidence top four, let alone Champs League, will be a big ask.

never been to the USA never done a bungee jump never liked the record "river deep, moutain high"

Ridgley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The Model by Kraftwerk Eh? How does that follow on from mother of pearl.

Remake, remodel - Roxy Music

red devil Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Then why bother posting on this forum...it's > nothing but cheap point scoring, something you've > always done on here... Putting this into perspective, lets be honest, he isn't the only one guilty of cheap point scoring, if indeed thats is what he's done. In a similar vein, the awful sectarian bile that reared its ugly head on here between Celtic and Rangers was a tad too much for me, banter is one thing, but come on people. I know we all love our teams and feel passionately about them, which sometimes leads to the red mist descending. I guess what I'm saying is, if you dish out banter, you have to expect it back, but not poisonous nasty ranting. I'll get off me soap box now.

Love, love, love - Bobby Hebb

The Godfather Mafia. Murder. Vengence.

Towering Inferno - Skyscraper,fire, disaster.

Kingy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Davy Crocket - Tennesee Earnie Ford How does this follow on from Blue Jean????

I work with a Sunderland lad who wnet to the spurs game last night having purchased his ticket from a scumbag tout outside the ground, all touts are parasites in my view, anyway, it was for a seat amongst the home fans. Either very brave or vey stupid. He says he sat on his hands throughout the game and didn't say a word, he also claims the spurs goal was handball.

Me and you and a dog named boo - Lobo

Red red wine - Neil Diamond