*Bob*

Come on.. tell me you haven't. I dare you.

Are you having problems looking at pictures of your ex-girlfriends again, Jah? It's possible they may have barred you. They're all getting wise these days, unfortunately.

Nothing wrong with a 'trim' though, surely?

As a nation obsessed with house prices and the general scroogeing of every last shekel out of any potential sale.. Well, you get what you deserve, really.

A bird in the hand.. (pregnant pause).. is worth two in the bush.

That's right.. and if the one here doesn't appeal, feel free to set-up a really, really wanky WI, like the ones in Hoxton or Shoreditch, which are, ummm, like, really relevant, yeah? Now do excuse me, ladies, I have to go and knit a post-ironic space-invaders doll.

That one's just a bit shit, really

Well David, since almost all the 'ash' will be calcium (you mostly just get crushed bone back, so I'm told) there really wouldn't be much carbon-based material to draw with. But it's a lovely thought, David.

What's the difference? Does a freelancer get more slacking-off time than a contractor? I think I must definitely be a freelancer. I freelance here.. I freelance there. You know. Busy-Busy.

Are you sure she can't be coaxed out of retirement, Jah? It is for a good cause. I can loan you my Dad in return, if you like. He did a mean watercolour - though since being cremated the quality of his work has suffered somewhat.

Actually I think it was 'Streethawks'. Or was it 'Night Riders'? One of those two.

I loved this one as soon as I saw it. It's painted on canvas and uses a mixture of tempera (an painting method pre-dating oil painting) - and acrylic. It is titled, quite simply, Bone-Juggling Dog in Hula Skirt - and it is quite beautiful.

Come now, Ed. A diamond grinder would make a terrible mess of your square plates. My advice - apply Mr Sheen and buff with a lint-free cloth.

Concrete polishing. Floors, specifically. Anyone had it done? Got any recommendations for companies who do it? I'm looking for a smaller, local outfit rather than some monster uber-polishing giant who did Bluewater.

I'm told 'we' will be playing Blackpool.

SeanMacGabhann Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > *Bob* > I am in absolutely no doubt at all that you will > hate it even more than you do now. We shall see. I'll be ascending via a lift to an executive box at the Emirates - for the opening match of the season at 'The Arsenal', where, so I'm told, free champagne and a 'posh pie' await. It doesn't sound too bad on paper - apart from the football, obviously. But I'll be going in with an open mind.

david_carnell Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Jerk Festival That's Jah's backup option.

Hey 'lads'.. I've got a ticket to 'a match'. So after next weekend I'm going to know all about it. Any tips? To help me 'blend in' etc?

How much do you have to pay in Camden to pore over a high-definition aerial photograph of the area with a magnifying glass in the hope that you can see your new loft conversion?

On the upside, I wasn't asked for change for a cup of tea every ten paces and I didn't have to fight my way through a throng of curiously dressed Japanese students wearing mp3 players in their hair.

I'll be drinking myself into a rage of furious self-loathing and then strangling the cat.

Tell me about it. I bought a tie-dyed t-shirt and an East German army parka from the stall outside Pretty Traditional and it cost me ?60.

Don't be crull