*Bob*

If Boris Johnson becomes Prime Minister I'll do 'The Locomotion' naked on the Goose Green roundabout.

It's my birthday today!

I'm not convinced chat-up lines of this type actually exist in real life other than in 'my mate says' pub-talk. Excluding nightclubs with carpets and possibly anywhere north of Watford, naturally. Even I've got a few 'my mate says' anecdotes, but I guarantee they never have. They were too busy perspiring with fear and breathing on their hands to check their breath in the bogs to risk making a tit of themselves by laying some cheesy old line on someone who'd laugh in their face.

Hmm.. 68.. 1968.. oh dear..

I believe you can be 'shot' by 'The Sheriff' - though I haven't had the pleasure myself.

Honestly, Cassius. If you were to shut your eyes and imagine I were Jim.. bearing down on your, drooling down the side of your face and whispered cringeworthy monotonous pretentions in your ear, you might enjoy it. I bet Jim made love. The tit.

makin' sweet, sweet luuurve

Cassius Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Gosh *Bob* you sound so interesting yourself - mmm > let me guess - balding and 3/4 length trousers. A > real East Dull-wich man. That's me! Fortunately I have an enormous penis and go like the clappers when I'm - as you put it - making love.

'making love' Bleugh!

Actually I've changed my mind. I'd do Jim - but only if he promised not to talk afterwards.

Ok, I would definitely not like to shag Jim Morrison, on account of him being not very interesting. And a man.

Cassius Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I liked Jim Morrison but realise he's a bit of a > porker himself - or was - as I guess there is > little in the way of flesh hanging off those old > bones now! Jim Morrison - now there's someone who's even less interesting than Lily Allen.

BQC Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Speak to the organisers of the Upland Road street > party - it's an annual event and a lovely day > out.. sorry, not sure who the main man/woman is.. Do you have to show a utilities bill to gain entry?

Moos Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- I always > considered Lily Allen to be a bit of a Plain Jane > and assumed she got her record deal because of her > dad Looks-wise, I think she makes a pretty good fist of what she's got. Music wise, I think someone else makes a pretty good fist of what they get from her. You're right about Dad though.

PeckhamRose Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Do you use conditioner? You tell me

It was me

These days when your in entertainment, darling, you have to be 'really' good-looking just be considered passable. This is, of course, in contrast to real life where it seems you only need, say, a relatively level mouth and eyes which aren't crossed in order to consider yourself God's Gift. How many times have I sat behind distressingly repugnant boys on buses, hearing them declare eg Lily Allen to be 'ugly'. I I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately, mate?

I had an almost passable takeaway from the Surma once. So if you're looking for something almost passable, The Surma is The One for you.

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The opening of "Before Sunrise" has always > appealled to me. Makes me remember a time when I > believed that 2 strangers could meet on a train > and fall in love. Forget love.. you're lucky to find a seat these days.

It does look suspiciously like it's being opened up. 'They' did promise not to. But then what do 'we' know?

I'm absolutely loaded. Yes siree. Sitting on a pile of money as high as a horse. Can't spend it fast enough.

The first time I've ever given more than a moment's thought about getting mugged/robbed/beaten up in London (other than the usual precautions ingrained since the age of about 14) has been in the last few months. Bearing in mind I now live in the safest area I've ever lived in and that my lifestyle has considerably less risk (eg no leaving dirty squat parties in Brixton at 5am), it's just nonsense to declare that a steady drip of, say, one post per week on here about a mugging or the like doesn't have some kind of effect - because it does, even if common sense tells me otherwise. Of course people can and should post whatever they want to, just to say that the effect might not always be a helpful one, that's all.

It's for the new 'Sports Academy'. In place of where the road used to be blocked off, they're building an olympic-sized swimming pool, a football pitch, an athletics track and six squash courts.

Secret Garden Party this year (shh..)

Does every new bar fully of noisy, brash, tasteless yoof make you feel just that little bit older, Jeremy? Another inevitable step towards the coffin? Accept your fate.