*Bob*

ED Quaywe.. you used to be the undisputed king of off-topic nonsense. These days we barely get a word out of you. What happened?

I had a good one last week: Approached outside Sainsburys, a woman asked my friend and I if she could return our trolley and keep the quid. Cunning, eh? It rules out the standard 'no change' response, and all you're left with is the 'sorry, no I want my pound' as you unload hundreds of pounds of luxury items into the car whilst the spotty glue-sniffer looks-on with pleading eyes. Amusingly, I say 'no' and my friend said 'yes' - at exactly the same time. So she got the quid. Bah!

It's only really you I'm having a bit of fun with, Alan. The areas are all just fine.

Alan, I noticed you omitted Camberwell from your 'coolness comparison chart'. Where does it stand in relation to surrounding areas, so i can know where to go when my combat trousers and Converse pumps arrive from 'Next' Online?

Alan, I realise your Estate Agent made mewling noises about "Funky Bellenden" and I guess you saw the lamp posts and thought "big things are gonna happen here".. but let's not let our imagination run riot on this one, eh?

Keep thinking it Alan, and it will happen. You just gotta belieeeeeve...

Ahh.. the Bellenden Road 'graveyard'. I wish them luck.

Ha Ha.. "CA PHE VN" This will surely send dear Louisa 'over the edge'.

Good Lord. I'm very excited about getting a breadmaker now, so I won't have to visit the Co-Op on Forest Hill Road. Which model do you have, Simon?

Yes, yes.. I can see it now. A placarded group stationed on Goose Green roundabout. "Honk for Hooters"

Simon, I had a friend with a breadmaker, but it always seemed to produce half-ton 'bricks'. Fine for Mrs *Bob*, but I must have light and fluffy white with a bacon sarnie. Is the technology there to produce both kinds? (unlike the Co-Op, not wishing to go off-thread)

Yeah what is it with that Co-Op? It makes the Somerfield on LL look like Waitrose, and that's saying something. They've developed a unique system whereby their bread is stale days before it's reached it's sell-by date, or (yum) it's gone all 'gluey' in the middle. The Turkish shop.. that's the one I was talking about. Top notch local-type place.

Maybe, David.. but apart from the blisteringly high mortality rates, are they 'appy?

Ahhh... the joys of Forest Hill Road. The glamour of the electricity substation. The charm of those big cages/bins which are always blocking the door to the co-op. The closed-down shops. The never-working cashpoint. On the upside, The Herne is a godsend for those of use selfish parent who like a drink now and again. And there is a Post Office (remember them?), a very friendly DIY shop.. and the greengrocer/general store-type place up past the FHT is great. The problem is the busy road, with shops just on one side. So if you're sitting at one of the eateries, the view aint great. But I understand Si Mangria has applied to make a more permanent outdoors-indoors terrace - which is a good call. I don't think it's a place you'd 'travel to' (apart from The Herne), but with a little improvement it'll be just fine for those of us for whom it's the nearest parade of 'useful' shops. PS - I know the Co-Op is rubbish, but why don't they sell garlic? Is it considered some sort of exotic spice?

Keefy It's not a Stratocaster.. it's a 'Starcaster'..

I have a Fender Starcaster.. are they any good? (I'm 'learning to play' ha ha)

What is 'Hooters'? A strip club?

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. "They're all fine," Moshe said, "Except my uncle. He's very sick." "Your uncle is not sick," the faith healer said. "He THINKS he's sick." Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. "How is your uncle getting along?" he asked. Moshe shrugged, "He THINKS he's dead."

I'm not upset. I've loved every minute of it. Can't wait for next plonker to get their just desserts.

Keef, The reason she's an arse is not because she has a certain opinion of people in the area.. it's because she smugly posted a load of bile one day and then realised.. oops!.. there was that other nice-as-pie advertisement as our friendly local piano teacher which she forgot about, or didn't think people would put two and two together. She hasn't even got the bottle to follow-up on the thread she started now that she's been 'outed'. Bollocks to her.

I do salute your commitment to the cause, Madworld (especially as you declared you didn't want to participate in it ten pages ago hee hee). But essentially, all you've really got to go on is satisfied customers who 'swear by it'. Alternative therapists refuse to be stringently 'tested' and I think this tells most people all they need to know. I skipped over Monica's postings as there are no spaces after commas and they give me a headache if I try to read them.

Why is it that the government prints out a nice glossy brochure and posts it to every new parent showing them how to fit a car seat properly, but for this piece of information you have to either read the Mail or access the Revenue's website? Just saying the information 'is available' doesn't mean it gets there. And the ones who don't get it are probably the ones who really need to.

MadWorld74 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ET's glowing finger, *Bob*?.....I don't think I've > had that one. House at the top of Denmark Hill. Follow the flying bicycles. Can't miss it.

AB: If the same information is available to everyone, then how come so many people don't know about it?

The next time I have appendicitis I shall forego the standard 'doctor route' and opt to spend a relaxing hour with a 'kind, caring and well-meaning person'. Mark is totally right.. alternative 'medicine' is about relaxation, which it's true can help the body to rest, recover and heal. But there are many ways to relax and they needn't involve spendng fifty quid for an hour with ET's glowing finger.