Spartacus

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files. I always have trouble….with emotional attachments!

A Farmer went out in the snow one morning, to tend to his cows and found them all frozen. A woman was passing by she breathed on them and each one defrosted. The farmer said to her, “Are you an Angel sent from heaven?” “No”, said the woman, “I’m Thora Hird!”

Have Sounthwark council stopped clearing up fallen leaves? With the icy weather they are making the paths treacherous at the moment.

I gave my son six pieces of cardboard last Christmas. He asked ‘What’s this?’ I replied ‘It’s an ex box...’

Has this issue been resolved now as this thread went quiet ?

The one outside Barry's on Barry Road is also free to use

Just received my Secret Santa gift; a pair of mittens. I’ve got an idea who bought them for me but I’m not going to point any fingers…

What would the purpose be ? To warn people of chains or to advertise chains ?

What's Snow Whites favourite drink? Seven up !

Brrrrr it’s cold !! 🥶 This morning a skeletal hooded figure helped me scrape my car windscreen. It was only later I realised I'd been de-icing with death...

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis - and I'm too old. I said: "I'm only 40 love."

It felt very Jackie Wheeler 🤔

Whilst it's possibly not going to sway some, but with today's announcement by Mick the Grinch over strikes 24th to 27th December plus other disruptions to daily lives by other strikers, and with the potential for spiraling inflation should the unions get all they want for their members* then will the general population get fed up with union action and increased costs? This could turn any progress Labour have made back towards other parties with the population potentially fearing further strikes and more union power. Is this playing into the Tories hands ? * I'm not debating that workers don't need more money, just that if they do then it could cause prices to go up thus requiring further pay rises to keep pace.

Every ad break is either showing food and parties , toys or at least two different perfumes / After shaves ... Is there something of note occurring soon? 🤔 What's would you like not to be on your list this year

Q. How many ears did Captain Kirk have? A. Three, the left ear, the right ear and his final front ear

I just spent £1,000 for a rented limousine and found out it doesnt come with a driver. Can’t believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Right with you Mal They are yuk

Interesting to see the proposals bring unveiled today by Labour. They include a reform of the house of Lords and more devolved powers. Proposals also include more revenue raising powers for local government and 50,000 civil service jobs being moved out of London. A few things strike me One. 50,000 staff members will be expensive to relocate, if indeed they want to move and if they don't that's a lot of knowledge and skill lost. With the current working practices, more people are working remotely so again they may not want to do a long commute on their days in the office. Two. Devolving power, whilst allowing local decisions to be made, adds layers of bureaucracy which in turn adds costs which means services cost more. Three. The concept of more revenue raising smacks of local taxes which means the government can say they haven't raised taxes but we all end up paying more. The plans to reform the House of Lords sounds like it will echo the American system, and if so can we expect to see one house blocking the other if opposing parties have their political members in power ? Will these ideas being presented work or will they add to the problems?

Three doctors die in a car crash and appear at the pearly gates St Peter asks the first what he did for a living on Earth. "I was a renowned Gynaecologist" was the reply "Oh there's no need for you" St Peter said, "there's no pregnancy or illness in heaven" and with that he banished the doctor to hell. He asks the second what he did "I was an Orthopedic surgeon, fixing the bones of people who would otherwise never walk again" "Very admirable" said St Peter "but no one breaks bones here so there's no need for you" and with that he banishes the second Doctor to hell. The third Doctor, preemptively said " I guess there's no use for me, I'm a psychologist" To which St Peter replied "Fabulous, just the person we want, God thinks he's Putin"

A man goes to the Doctor feeling unwell. After a thorough examination the doctor says " I've got some bad news Mr Smith, you have a condition that will kill you" "Oh my God says the man, how long do I have?" The Doctor replies "Five" "PHEW" says the man, " Five years isn't bad" The Doctor says "Four" ....

I went to a meeting of the ‘Chesney Hawkes Fan Club’, very poor turn out. I was the one and only...

Up to now, flying was a safe space from listening to other people's calls "yeah, I'll have chips wiv gravy" or similar and if you wanted to sleep on a long haul flight you could (baring "excuse me I need the loo" or "are you awake for breakfast sir") but now the EU are going to make the last safe haven* from calls a noisy place. Heaven forbid BBC News - No more airplane mode? EU to allow calls on flights https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-63786591 * excluding the back room of most houses where NO phone signal can ever penetrate

A White Horse walks in to a bar and the bar man says "funny we've got a whisky named after you" The horse replies "a whisky called Gordon?"

Scientists have discovered the first two people on earth were Cockneys. Would you Adam and Eve it?!

Is that to arrive in time for Christmas 2023?