Millhaven

haha! Not this time, Loz.

I just conducted a reconstruction of Friday's diabolical EDT incident in the staff loo here at work. For the sake of decency I only *pretended* to take a dump on the toilet floor. And I have to say, to do so for real would take some difficulty. For starters balance. You'd have to hang on with one hand to a sink or something to stop yourself falling back into your own vile deposit. Not to mention accidently deliver your disgusting cargo into your own trousers. Add alcohol consumption to the event and you have yet another element of risk of a catastrophic outcome for the depositor. To do this undetected without being in cahoots with another person/s on a Friday night must be virtually impossible. However, what if we are looking at this from a totally wrong standpoint. From day one we have looked at the perp being someone that was in the pub solely as a customer. But perhaps the offending turd was smuggled in by a person or persons unknown? Perhaps a ex-customer or employee with a grudge? A neighbour who hates the pub because of the noise or whatever? Who simply came in with the despicable item concealed in a bag. Who when the opportunity arose emptied the bag then left the pub undetected. Probably even stopped for a friendly chat with one of the bouncers on the way out after their vile act of barbarism. The truth will out!!

Haha! Good work, Bob.

Would be a poodunnit.

ugh! Leave off KK. Always someone that has to go too far. :)

This thread is great even if all we learn from it are the varying ways to express having a dump.

Loz Wrote: --------------------------------------------- > > "... or can curl one out really quickly..." Hahaha! Well I would count that under being lucky, Loz.

70s/80s when I was a lad so it's grim reputation was well established by the 90s.

Fair point, Mooro. Lots of circumstantial evidence being put about and I don't know if it was your mate that committed the heinous act anymore than anyone else. But someone did it. And did it without getting rumbled. Which being a Friday night and a busy session can only mean the villian had help. Or was really really lucky.

Right. So someone managed to curl off a tom tit in a busy Friday night pub totally unaided and undisturbed. What are the chances?!

When I was a lad that estate was notorious as popluar choice for the suicides. Not sure if that was fact or just a local urban myth.

I think powdering his nose was being implied rather than cubical intercourse. But then again...

Can't believe I am reduced to this. Watching Bradford vs Coventry because there is no other football to watch. What the hell happened to my life?!

I'm going for a pint or two, not to be someone's shrink. :)

I'm off to the EDT this afternoon. If nothing controversial happens I will be sorely disappointed.

I don't think we are obsessed with bodily functions but perhaps some people become so after drinking to excess.

Cmck83 The English or maybe even the UK as a whole has a totally different relationship with alcohol than most of the rest of the world. Cultrally we more inclined to drink to excess than our counterparts in say, France or Italy.

Yes I appreciate there are all kinds of lewd behaviour going on throughout the metropolis. But our man here has leapt well over the line of public decency. What does surprise me though is your incredulity that people are so affronted by the incident.

As for the photo. Possibly a mistake to put it on here but the pub staff should have a copy if only to make sure the chap is barred if nothing else.

Really? In loads of places? Once saw a bloke urinate on the dance floor of a club in Hull about 20 years ago. Never seen handbags gathered up so quickly. Now I like to think I am a liberal minded chap but taking a dump on the floor of toilet is not acceptable whether it be East Dulwich or East Croydon. And talking about it on here is hardly front page news.

Shit happens.

They were the the worst kind of scum.

Never shit on your own doorstep.

Police were called. But they have nothing to go on.

That is what I was just thinking. Be hilarious if there were to be the case.