Jah Lush

Don't vote. The government always gets in.

Poor kid. I hope she's all right and she gets to be reunited with her family as soon as possible.

Sheee-it. Got that to look forward to. Am gonna start series two tonight.

Runny ears? How revolting. You could always make a candle out of the wax though.

It was Oscar Wilde.

Shot of whiskey and a beer, commonly known as a boilermaker. I still occasionally do that.

Yeah! That's right Kel. Hit a man when he's down.

Damn it! I've caught the blasted lurgy that's been going around. Aches and pains, tickly cough, runny nose etc etc. Urgh!

Kevin Keegan has always struck me as the nearly man of football, especially first time around at Newcastle. Premier League title? He couldn't quite pull it off. Champions League? He couldn't quite pull it off. Balaclava of cowardly thug who wellied him with baseball bat? He couldn't quite pull it off. But there are growing fears on Toonside the one thing King Kev CAN pull off this season is relegation. Newcastle are now just 6-1 to go down, with Keegan's record in his second spell at St James' even more horrific than Head Over Heels, his 1979 chart-bottomer. He couldn't hold a toon even then. Most pundits warned Toon fans when they celebrated Keegan's return that they were living in the past - on Saturday some were even chanting "Roeder out" - and now it's all threatening to go not so much head over heels as arse over tit on Tyneside. God knows what prompted Newcastle's appointment of archetypal southerner Dennis Wise, who was told he only had to spend three days a week up north, presumably freeing up the other four for visits to the theatre. The Geordie nation is more likely to embrace Sharia Law than a dodgy geezer like Wise, especially if Sharia can play wide on the right. Bookies Ladbrokes are betting who will last longest at St James' - King Kev or Dirty Den - and it's Keegan who is considered most likely to walk first at 1-2, with Wise 6-4. Newcastle are 33-1 with Hills not to win another Premier League game this season and Keegan is 5-2 to be out of the job before the end of May. He's 11-2 with Bet365 to sign his dream striker Thierry Henry, although Lenny Henry is a more realistic target the way Toon are playing.

Two from my late father were:- "When the last great scorer comes to write against your name he'll ask not whether you won or lost but how you played the game." I can't remember who actually wrote that originally but I think it's a good one. And the other was "moderation in all things." It's only now after a lifetime of excess that I've learnt the value of this very sound advice.

Agent Provocateur would be better.

This is a really nice mellow dub with a great video. Spark one up and turn it up really loud.

for our regular fix

attack

in the jungle

Pathetic excuse. I bet you're laughing at the result though.

Can I have a blow on your joint Rolo?

Midday for me. At least I had a bit of a lie-in but I still feel like shit.

I've got four more hours of this wretched purgatory.

You lucky bar steward.

Heart Attack And Vine - Tom Waits

I've got 'em and I've got 'em bad. I hate Mondays and I especially hate Mondays when I have a raging hangover and want to be back home in bed.

Your Cheating Heart - Hank Williams

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the f**king effort. There is a difference." - Bill Hicks

I know. It was a long time ago and we were young and silly but they didn't seem to mind.