Jah Lush

*Take it Keef, I'm stoned already* *Grabs a beer chaser, pours more bourbon for Anna* *Slumps onto sofa and hopes someone in here has got something in the upwardly direction*

*Pops into quiet room in need of stiff drink* *Isn't that Humphrey Bogart over there?* *Oh! hello Brendan, didn't recognise you in black & white.* *Lights up spliff, pours large Makers Mark for self and offers bottle around* *Ponders...thank f**k it's Friday*

Brian Barwick sees an old lady in the street struggling with heavy shopping. "Can you manage love?" he asks. "It's OK", she says, "I don't want the job, thanks".

Yeah, there's nothing cheaper than cheapness as my mother used to say. Weatherspoons - *shudders*.

Wasn't it Dr Johnson who said "why on earth would I want to go abroad, I haven't seen all of England yet."

Are you not wanting to tempt fate Anna by not predicting the Liverpool result? I think they should win it quite comfortably.

Keef Wrote: -------------------------------------------------------> > I just went there for a rock festival and missed > the penguins. Oh Keef, that's awful. The Penguins are a great band and shouldn't be missed.

Not that Beck Citizen, although I like him too. But this one from the Yardbirds' 60s guitar hero finishing school. Second only to Jimi Hendrix and he's been dead for 27 years. Under And Over Sideways Down

After all you've been through to come out the other end with such positivity and passion in what you believe is right and good and to have rebuilt your life in such a way I can only applaud you. You're a top girl in my book and I'm full of admiration for you. Well done. You'd definitely get my vote.

Well, first half wasn't good but the second half certainly made up for it.

Hurrah! Just been confirmed I'm gonna see Jeff Beck at Ronnie Scott's tonight. Can't believe it. This is gonna be a bit special in such a small club. Get a load of this:- Beck's Bolero

At half-time at White Hart Lane last night I thought Spurs were heading for an early exit from the UEFA Cup. We were very slow out of the traps and soon two-nil down. Second half was a different kettle of fish though. Jaunde Ramos made two substitutions at half-time and 20 minutes later we were 3-2 up. Very impressive. Six games without defeat now since he took over and things are looking up. But we need to sort out our defence as we have missed Ledley King big time this season.

And St Patrick isn't Irish. Born in Roman Britain. There is some conjecture that he is Scottish but is more likely to have been Welsh.

Hmm...what started as a throwaway comment "sorry guv, don't go south of the river" has grown legs and arms. To be honest I haven't had any trouble getting a taxi back from the West End for more than 20 years. However, on the odd occasions when I have ordered a cab (not a black taxi) from a restaurant some of them do try and rip you off. For instance, a couple of weeks ago I ordered a cab from J.Sheekey (lovely fish restaurant in St Martins Place) and the cabbie charged me ?40!!!! I know it's no more than ?30 so we had a bit of an exchange of words. Rather than argue with him I gave him his 40 quid but I was damned if he was gonna get a tip.

Catering manager in a growing concern = Tea boy on a building site.

Black tie? Bollocks to that. I'd rather get my nuts roasted in Asset's garden.

You're fantasising again Brendan.

Plenty of clubs in Brixton.

Aha! Was he the windowcleaner who allegedly saw Prince Micheal of Kent rogering a manservant? Or the was he the manservant on the receiving end of said rogering?

Say it ain't so

Blimey you were lucky. "Sorry guv, don't go south of the river." Hope you didn't throw up in the taxi though.

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.... And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering...... Dave....... Dave........ Dave........ .........you're a vet Dave!!!!

Aston Villa 2 v Arsenal 2 Blackburn 3 v Newcastle 1 Chelsea 3 v West Ham 0 Portsmouth 2 v Everton 1 Reading 2 v Middlesbrough 0 Sunderland 2 v Derby 1 Wigan 1 v Man City 2 Liverpool 3 v Bolton 0 Tottenham 2 v Birmingham 0 Man Utd 4 v Fulham 0

atila the gooner Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Would you say Kaboul is as bad as Titus Bramble? Well...He's one of that evil bastard Damien Commolli's signings and he's supposed to be one of the hottest prospects in French football. He's captain of the Under-21s but I think he has suffered from not having an experienced player like Ledley King alongside him. He has an awful lot to learn so hopefully he'll get better but at the moment he's worse than Titus Bramble.

I agree Ladygooner and it's only last week that our government and Royal Family were browning nosing King Fahd of Saudi Arabia or whatever his name is and no mention was made of this appalling treatment this poor woman is receiving.