Jah Lush

err...no.

who's trophy cabinet was empty and barren

Good grief! Words fail me.

When have Newcastle ever been anything else? Apart from one season with Keegan. "I'd love it, just love it."

Tucking your shirt in your underpants is just so wrong. Think John Major (perish the thought) or Rik Mayall in Bottom and you'll see how ridiculous it looks.

This poem was sent to me from my nephew who until last year was serving in Iraq with the Royal Engineers. I just thought it is rather apt for this thread. ITS CHRISTMAS DAY ALL IS SECURE IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS HE LIVED ALL ALONE IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE I LOOKED ALL ABOUT A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE NO TINSEL NO PRESENTS NOT EVEN A TREE NO STOCKING BY THE MANTLE JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS WITH MEDALS AND BADGES AWARDS OF ALL KINDS A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT IT WAS DARK AND DREARY I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING SILENT ALONE CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER NOT HOW I PICTURED A LONE BRITISH SOLDIER WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ CURLED UP ON A PONCHO THE FLOOR FOR A BED I REALISED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT SOON ROUND THE WORLD THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY THEY ALL ENJOY FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY ALONE ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME THE VERY THOUGH BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE 'SANTA DON'T CRY THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM I DON'T ASK FOR MORE MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY. MY CORPS' THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP I COULDN'T CONTROL IT I CONTINUED TO WEEP I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS SO SILENT AND STILL AND WE BOTH SAT AND SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHTS CHILL I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD DARK NIGHT THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOUR SO WILLING TO FIGHT THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE WHISPERED 'CARRY ON SANTA ITS CHRISTMAS DAY ALL IS SECURE' ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT 'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT' THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN BY A PEACE KEEPING SOLDIER STATIONED OVERSEAS THE FOLLOWING IS HIS REQUEST I THINK IT IS REASONABLE. PLEASE WOULD YOU DO ME THE KIND FAVOUR OF SENDING THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN CHRISTMAS WILL BE COMING SOON AND SOME CREDIT IS DUE TO OUR BRITISH SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN FOR OUR BEING ABLE TO CELEBRATE THESE FESTIVITIES. LETS TRY IN THIS SMALL WAY TO PAY A TINY BIT BACK OF WHAT WE OWE!

And the stress has given him alopecia

Good idea. A flag made out of organic hemp that can be proudly flown from all the buggies on the Lane and the 4x4s during the school run.

I predicted this result...well 1-2 actually but wasn't far off was I. Most people when they're sacked get f**k all but McLaren walks away with two and a half million quid for failure. Nice work if you can get it. I wasn't confident about this match before last night but when I saw the formation we were going to deploy I knew we were doomed. We're playing home and we need a result and he plays one man up front on his own. Doesn't inspire confidence does it. Lampard & Gerrard can't play together, we've known that for ages. I thought it was Gerrard's worse performance in an England shirt but he wasn't the only one. We were rubbish throughout most of this tournament and got what we deserved. F**k all! Apart from McLaren that is, who has trousered a nice big fat cheque.

Oooh! Gotta put this up what with the footy tonight Fat Les - Vindaloo

I loved the Beta Band, got all their stuff so thanks for that Barry. This one's for Cerys, who is currently wasting her time on the telly - Catatonia - Lost Cat

Ahem! I have to admit to watching a bit of this recently and I too am rather amazed that the lovely Cerys is appearing in it. I was a big fan of Catatonia and saw them on several occasions. Poor girl must be going through some sort of mid-life crisis. It's very sad that her marriage has disintegrated and maybe she needs the money as she has two small children to bring up but I would have thought with her talent she should be doing better things than this. Frankly, I think she is playing the game on this show. Do a little flirting with someone and it keeps the viewers interests up and you'll probably stay in a bit longer. She's a lovely girl but probably a little fragile and vulnerable at the moment and just needs hug and maybe the reassurance that men still find her attractive as she approaches her 40s.

I hope you're right Citizen. A result like that would certainly have me leaping around the living room with joy. Unfortunately I have to work late tonight and will only get home in time for the second half but I still feel that it is potentially the biggest banana skin for us so far in the competition. Basically it's shit or bust so I'll be watching with fingers crossed and buttocks clenched from behind the sofa.

I don't mind Mockney. You're in the lounge. Do as you please. *Waves the red, gold and green with one hand and a white flag in the other.*

I don't mind people flying their flags and having a little pride in where they come from it's just, as has happened with the Flag of St George, it has been misappropriated and associated with moronic behaviour and right wing bigots.

Many congratulations to you both. Hope the little-un brings you much joy and happiness and he enjoys the very best of health.

I don't blame them for wanting to get out of a place like that Keef, if I had some violent, right wing, racists living around me giving me grief I'd want to move too. Bastards!

Sean, you always seem to come up with the good answers and I agree with what you say there. Not that I entirely agree with you all the time on other things. That would be boring. But am I the only person that finds people waving their national flag a little...pathetic and....ooh... erm a tad offensive. I suppose it depends on the type of person doing the flag waving and for what reason doesn't it?

Yanlizkurt has his/her national Turkish flag flying as a signature to his/her posts. If I was to do the same with the Cross Of St George (not, I hesitate to say, that I have any intention of doing so) would people assume I was some sort of overly patriotic, jingoistic, right wing bigot? Or someone that takes pride in thier own flag? Or what? Answers please.

This thread reminds me of an old joke about a little boy in the bath with his mother. He points to his mum's nether regions (see, I'm doing it now) and says "Mummy, what's that between your legs?" And his mother replies: "That's where you Daddy accidently hit me with an axe." The little boy replies: "Oh! good shot..right in the c**t.

Saw this band at Brixton Academy in '95 and they were fanfuckingtastic. Hole - Celebrity Skin

In a jolly frame of mind somewhere local with friends, definitely not in a pub.

No, but..oh shit, I have now. Right...submission. Should have checked the poster first.

Little Johnny is a most shy and insecure boy and is taken to the Circus. Made to sit right in the front by his Auntie, and on come the Clowns. Immediately one runs to him and, thrusting a microphone under his nose says ?Are you the front end of an Ass?? ?No.? says Johnny. ?Are you the back end of an Ass?? ?No,? he replies. ?Then I declare that you are no-end of an Ass,? says the Clown triumphantly. Little Johnny runs straight home in tears. His Mum says you must confront your fears to exorcise them from you forever and sends the poor boy back to the Circus the next day, only this time with Uncle Jim who is a master of the quick quip and witty repartee... ?Watch your Uncle and learn,? says Mum. Next day and poor Johnny is back in the front row, but this time with Uncle Jim master of the quick quip and witty repartee. Enter the Clowns, who this time make for Uncle Jim (master of the quick quip and witty repartee). ?Are you the front end of an Ass?? they ask Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee. ?No.? ?Are you the back end of an Ass?? ?No.? says Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee. ?Then I declare that you are no end of an Ass?... But before the audience could react, Uncle Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee, quick as a flash said ?...F**k off you red nosed, big shoed c**t?.

Good luck with this but shouldn't it be Sob rather than Sub?