Ted Max

Miss Wheatcroft said: "It is crucial to understand how public money has been wasted or misspent in the past so that we can make sure that it doesn't happen again." So no pre-judgement there, then. Patience is very ambitious politically (although the job she really wants is to be editor of The Times) and exactly the sort of power-suit wearing "ice maiden" that gives the likes of Boris the raging horn. Will her audit team look into the LDA's plans (backed "Zone 5" Bromley Council) to flog off bits of Crystal Palace Park to leisure and property developers, do you think? Or is a conflict of interest only evident if it's not your kind who stand to benefit?

Alas, there is a K hole in the middle of my name. And I lack the extra X factor as well.

Well, here goes DM. I expressed a mild opinion that although your blog/persona are amusing enough as single-joke pastiches, I don't find them all that funny. I don't quite understand the blanket-love for the writing visible on this site - and queried if this was my own lack of a sense of humour, or lack of familiarity with the targets of your satire. I then realised that that might appear a little ungallant - given you are celebrating a national news-site deal (for which, many congratulations), and also that in general conversation expressing opinions on humour can never go further than personal preference, so I deleted. But I probably shouldn't have deleted because I think I expressed myself better the first time round, and I may just be compounding things here. That's about the gist of it, I think.

Edited following second thoughts.

And there'd be no need to change the Skid Row-on-Sea nickname.

Chris Jordan is quoted in your piece as saying he thinks it would be "cool" if he and the Alleyne kid both played for England together some day. So if he's set on passing on his talents back home, it may be as a tourist with England.

Everyone's coo day lah, surely There is an issue about the leaching of talent from Barbados/ Windies - a country/ cricket entity that can little afford it. But I already said I'm not going to say these kids should be denied an opportunity - just pointing out it's not entirely unproblematical. Yes success does make a difference in a school's profile, and some parents see it as evidence that their kids are likely to be nurtured to similar success.

Gigs should be advertised in the What's On section, Bob.

The College gets a ringer in to its cricket side for a couple of years, the kid in question gets the education and opportunities. The only losers are Barbados and West Indies cricket which see kids they have developed up to the age of 15 get picked off, turned around and lost to them. I'm not going to say these kids should be denied the opportunity, but let's be realistic about the College's own motivation here. Sporting success on the field plays well in the prospectus. And in the local press.

I think it's marvellous you're recognising the unsung achievements of this local charity in its outreach work to impoverished former colonies. What's your fee for this sort of advertorial?

Cheers, Jah. Wiki has him at Carlisle 79-82 so I think the game I saw must have been second division, 1982, when Chelsea only just avoided relegation to the old Third Division. Anyway, Liverpool are rubbish, no they're not, yes they are, etc etc etc

? No need to apologise to me old bean. (as far as I'm aware)

Street hawkers could surround the buses as they stack up at Elephant and other hotspots, passing pepsis, sunflower seeds and live chicken through the windows to the perspiring commuters.

I saw Carlisle play Chelsea once. In Carlisle. Beardsley was playing for Carlisle. Can anyone tell me when that would have been? I know I was but a nipper.

Aren't we all, in a very real sense, conductors, Bob? > Really, it's about cultural non/ acceptance.

You get the odd twat ostentatiously smoking a strong cannibis cigarette on the train/ bus, but generally the smoking ban is enforceable. Of course, what you need is a certain level of cultural acceptance and self-policing. It may take a while but it may to be impossible to enforce.

Raef has something of the Talented Mr Ripley about him. I can't help thinking he's some illegitimate son who's usurped the rightful heir by drowning him during a summer exertion and swapping identities. Hence the obsession with costumes and looking the part at all times. EDIT: That should be excursion but exertion sort of works, too.

And with both Strawberry and Beetroot juice in it you've done two of your five a day already.

The Spanish libraries must have already surveyed there (sic) 11-19 year olds.

Have a bite of apple, Adam? It's all SirAlan's fault. Way harsher on the women than men on his programme. Women lying and cheating - "snakes". Men doing the same - "understandable over-exuberance of a young man - reminds me of a younger me"

What are you inferring? Are you trying to learn me something?

Stevie has Jav and Xav to hold his hand already - a third player to do his job for him and he really could run around "inspirationally" all game long.

http://www.ididntvoteforboris.co.uk

There's a club in North London with a Spanish manager, an ex-Rangers defender who's already done well, and with three defenders (Chimbonda, Kaboul and King) all on their way out.

Another side note - WTF has happened to Christian Vieri. Being described by Andy "to be fair" Townsend as a pub player must sting a bit. Has he bloated up after coming off the 'roids, or something?