Muley

Well! I've just been cautioned for driving without due care and attention. Utter nonsense of course, that disabled pensioner was standing mere inches from the kerb, and wasn't even looking in my direction. It's hardly my fault if she didn't see me reversing and her toes were run over. I'm with DM- I think it's shocking that the police should harass innocent tax payers. They should find better things to do with their time.

Anyway, I for one fully intend to continue moaning about all the other countries that I don't live in- after all, that's where all those evil pyschotic pavement-cycling au pairs come from...

Is it unreasonable to assume that it was the adult rather than the small child cycling on the pavement that caused the police to intervene? As you say, they were coming out of the school gates at the time so perhaps the police were just trying to 'protect the vulnerable of Southwark'- in this instance young children who may be put at risk by an adult cycling on the pavement. If only the au pair had just got off her bike until she reached the road, and then ridden alongside the nipper on the pavement... well, all this unpleasantness could have been avoided. *Sigh* good help is sooo hard to find...

Yeah! A sweary Santa wih whisky on his breath! My kids will surely be sitting on your knee (though they are 18 and 24, so I'll understand if they go one at a time rather than one on each knee). 18 and 24 stone in weight, that is. I mean, taking one's grown up offspring to see Santa would surely just be inappropiate parenting?

"Yes sir. Sorry sir. But sir, Louisa started it sir, by being 'orrible to everyone, sir. Is it true she's Satan's little helper, sir? Sorry sir, I meant Santa, sir. Sir, sir, will you be dressing up as Santa again this year, sir?"

Too right. Woolley mammal abuse whilst in in malodourous footwear should be confined only to the festive season. Otherwise we'll all end up inserting easter eggs in badgers in July, or some such, and that way madness lies.

pbateman- the new username of an old 'friend'?

pbateman- the new username of an old 'friend'?

Don't mind Louisa, she's just a troll. And an ogre. Probably a gnome too (but unlikely to be an elf).

Don't mind Louisa, she's just a troll. And an ogre. Probably a gnome too (but unlikely to be an elf).

Think you're up to the job? Apply here!

True. Shepherds pie, though... those bloody shepherds don't take it kindly, and can put up a hell of a fight.

Mmm, good point. I hear that examination of his lapels will reveal his diet for the previous week. Though, to be fair, that merely calls into question his personal hygiene rather than the quality of his clothing.

'Cos I'm sure Brendan is extremely well-tailored...

Oh well, if it all starts with ludicrous threads, you probably caught it from Brendan. Unless you mean 'ludicrous threads' in a sartorial sense, as the title would suggest?

Have you still got the Hog 'flu PGC? It can'e be caught over t'interweb, can it? I've heard of these computer viruses... *backs away from the computer, dons a surgical mask and gulps half a bottle of single malt (through a straw) as a preventative measure*

Began digging up our garden at the weekend to get rid of a previous owner's half cocked DIY attempt at a rockery and patio, which dates back to the 80's. I recall, ages ago, Ray from next door telling me (with a twinkle in his eye) that the previous guy's alsation had died during the construction, and so had been buried under the patio- clearly Ray's just winding me up! Then yesterday I noticed some tiny writing scratched into the cement between paving slabs- 'Our friend Dylan'. So, looks like it's probably down there after all. But is it OK to just dig it up and hoy the bones in the skip along with the rubble? What do you do with a dead dog? PS. Any builders need some rubble for hardcore? Free to a good home!

A helipad, obviously. A stall selling freshly made felafel. And a Mr Ben-type costume shop to try on outfits and have adventures. In the meantime, I'm with Sean on the Turkish bread (try it with bacon and chilli pickle for the ultimate in fusion cuisine!)

Well, how rude. I for one count myself among the 'Josephines.' Not that you'd ever say that to my face- I have a black belt. It's hand stitched leather and coordinates rather nicely with my new Italian loafers. Now, if you will excuse me, some of us must moisturise.

Also, have't you realised that your cut & paste habit, rehashing yards of text just to insert a snide comment afterwards, is just tedious beyond words?

Neighbourhood Threat- Iggy Pop

Slow Life- Super Furry Animals

Wonders...

Winkers?

You just think that 'cos that's what the voices in your head told you. Everyone has that, it's quite normal.