20 Week Scan: Should we find out!?

[linzkg]

and if you decide not to find out but possibly worry about the bonding point then you could go and have the 4D scan .. we decided to go for it and it was an amazing experience!

We went to Babybond, there's one not too far.

All I can say is it was like a Mastercard advert - priceless! My partner's face and reaction was amazing - he always thought he'd "bonded" with the blob (as we called it from the start for some peculiar reason) but "bonding" took on a whole new dimension when he actually saw the little thing bobbing about, for me too.

[prdarling]

In my opinion don't do it. There is nothing in the world like meeting your baby for the first time and finding out yourself what it is. With my first baby the midwife pushed him through my legs so my partner and I could find out together and no money in the world could replace that feeling.

Even if you were really wanting one sex or another, there's no way you'd be disappointed on the day because (and I'm not trying to be alarmist :)) birthing a baby, especially your first is such a strange/scary/exhilarating/shocking experience that you are just glad that you have come through it and that you and the baby are both OK! There is no way on earth anyone could go through all that and then look at their newborn and wish it was something else.

There are so few opportunities in the world to be genuinely surprised, why spoil it for yourself for the sake of 20 weeks? So you can buy more blue babygros than pink??

You've got to do what feels right, but you did ask!!!

[helena handbasket]

I think I was so stunned by how surreal it all felt that if they had shouted "it's a lamp" I would have thought "um, okay!"

We didn't want to know either, but have to admit that once we did have a boy I quickly grew annoyed by all of the beige baby clothes we had (blah).

[lillyanginger]

I kind of needed to know with the first one, the whole pregnancy 'thing' was difficult enough to deal with. Also it helped our arguments about names. Mr LG flatly refused to discuss names until he knew as not too argue about something that was purely academic.

And I have to say it really helped me feeling closer to the bump knowing he was a he. I have a sister and the thought of having a boy kind of threw me (not in a bad way, more in a 'what do they do, boys' way).

Second time round it was different. I wasn't worried about having either sex and thus did not really need to know. Somehow it was all so much more relaxed that it did not seem to matter that much. As long as the baby was healthy...it was a baby. (We did find out in the end though as Mr LG had the same arguments re names).

Good luck with what ever you decide, it will be the right decision for you.

[HOMum]

We found out! (but I am not saying!)

Lillyanginger - your post pretty much sums up how we feel/felt, however my partner and I could discuss names all day long!

[Knomester]

Yay - lovely for you! I hope your scan went well. Ours is next week (and we're still not going to fidn out!!).

[Smiler]

Aaaah, keeping us in suspense, not fair!

Ours is in a few weeks' time, and all being well I will be blabbing to all and sundry!

[Selma]

Absolutely, find out!!

It is a surprised; it?s either at the birth or at the scan (and trust me: there are enough surprises at the birth)

I found out with my first and can wait to find out with my second (scan is 12th April). It is so nice petting the bump and saying he (or she) is kicking...

Either way it is a personal decision, and it won?t make any difference to the end result.

[iaineasy]

Anna and I were poles apart, I wanted a suprise but she being a "planner" sort of a person had to know. We were so undecided we tossed a coin in the waiting room of the scan place and she won! I wanted best of three but she wasn't having it at all, the second I knew it was a girl I ewas so chuffed and by hye next scan we had named her. Finding out was okay in the end and it did help us get to grips with what was about to happen a bit more!!

good luck whichever it is!

hugs

[DaveR]

First time round we didn't know, and it was great - that particualr moment when they say "it's a ....girl!"

Secomd time, the scanner told us by accident, but got it wrong, so we had a few weeks thinking we were having a boy, then a late scan (33 weeks) revealed it was another girl. Equally great.

[millsa]

I second Selma two posts above - it is always a surprise, and if you dont want to find out at the scan with other people around you can always ask them to write it on a piece of paper and open whenever you are ready. We did find out with baby1 as I was 100% sure I was carrying a girl and just wanted a confirmation, and of course it was a boy. Can't wait till next scan in May to find out with baby2 :)

[Browncoffee]

Wonder if the expectant mothers that posted here all went ahead to find out. I have my 22 week scan in a couple of weeks and after much debate with my husband, have now decided not to find out. I'm the increadibly curious and organised one, so it's taken a while to convince me that I CAN wait. I'm slightly impatient too so good practise for me as will need to learn to be much more patient when I become a mother in Sept:o)

Best wishes to you all (including husbands, babies and bumps)!

[Smiler]

We found out and are having our second girl! Very exciting.

Anyone who really doesn't want to know might need to be careful when watching the scan - ours took quite a while (40 mins or so) and there were several times when we clearly saw the relevant bits!

[buggie]

I was really worried I'd see what it was during my 20wk scan (being a nurse and having seen scans of other body parts before).

However, whether due to my post night shift fog or us telling the research fellow as soon as we got into the room that we didn't want to know we came away clueless, without having any "if you don't want to know the result look away now" moments!!

[the_duke_of_hazzard]

Never understood the whole "surprise" thing.

As if labour and birth were something dull that needed to be livened up with a raffle.

I agree with the poster above that it makes it easier for the father to bond.

[sunbob]

If you decide you want a surprise, then I think you need to make sure you tell each member of staff who comes in what you 'don't want to know'. We felt like certain things were taken for granted and we needed to keep repeating ourselves to be sure. I also have a friend who was told the sex by someone just not thinking, she was very upset but stoically kept it to herself (even from her hubby, who wasn't able to be at that scan).