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and if you decide not to find out but possibly worry about the bonding point then you could go and have the 4D scan .. we decided to go for it and it was an amazing experience!


We went to Babybond, there's one not too far.


All I can say is it was like a Mastercard advert - priceless! My partner's face and reaction was amazing - he always thought he'd "bonded" with the blob (as we called it from the start for some peculiar reason) but "bonding" took on a whole new dimension when he actually saw the little thing bobbing about, for me too.

In my opinion don't do it. There is nothing in the world like meeting your baby for the first time and finding out yourself what it is. With my first baby the midwife pushed him through my legs so my partner and I could find out together and no money in the world could replace that feeling.


Even if you were really wanting one sex or another, there's no way you'd be disappointed on the day because (and I'm not trying to be alarmist :)) birthing a baby, especially your first is such a strange/scary/exhilarating/shocking experience that you are just glad that you have come through it and that you and the baby are both OK! There is no way on earth anyone could go through all that and then look at their newborn and wish it was something else.


There are so few opportunities in the world to be genuinely surprised, why spoil it for yourself for the sake of 20 weeks? So you can buy more blue babygros than pink??


You've got to do what feels right, but you did ask!!!

I think I was so stunned by how surreal it all felt that if they had shouted "it's a lamp" I would have thought "um, okay!"


We didn't want to know either, but have to admit that once we did have a boy I quickly grew annoyed by all of the beige baby clothes we had (blah).

I kind of needed to know with the first one, the whole pregnancy 'thing' was difficult enough to deal with. Also it helped our arguments about names. Mr LG flatly refused to discuss names until he knew as not too argue about something that was purely academic.


And I have to say it really helped me feeling closer to the bump knowing he was a he. I have a sister and the thought of having a boy kind of threw me (not in a bad way, more in a 'what do they do, boys' way).


Second time round it was different. I wasn't worried about having either sex and thus did not really need to know. Somehow it was all so much more relaxed that it did not seem to matter that much. As long as the baby was healthy...it was a baby. (We did find out in the end though as Mr LG had the same arguments re names).


Good luck with what ever you decide, it will be the right decision for you.

  • 2 weeks later...

Absolutely, find out!!


It is a surprised; it?s either at the birth or at the scan (and trust me: there are enough surprises at the birth)

I found out with my first and can wait to find out with my second (scan is 12th April). It is so nice petting the bump and saying he (or she) is kicking...


Either way it is a personal decision, and it won?t make any difference to the end result.

Anna and I were poles apart, I wanted a suprise but she being a "planner" sort of a person had to know. We were so undecided we tossed a coin in the waiting room of the scan place and she won! I wanted best of three but she wasn't having it at all, the second I knew it was a girl I ewas so chuffed and by hye next scan we had named her. Finding out was okay in the end and it did help us get to grips with what was about to happen a bit more!!


good luck whichever it is!


hugs

First time round we didn't know, and it was great - that particualr moment when they say "it's a ....girl!"


Secomd time, the scanner told us by accident, but got it wrong, so we had a few weeks thinking we were having a boy, then a late scan (33 weeks) revealed it was another girl. Equally great.

I second Selma two posts above - it is always a surprise, and if you dont want to find out at the scan with other people around you can always ask them to write it on a piece of paper and open whenever you are ready. We did find out with baby1 as I was 100% sure I was carrying a girl and just wanted a confirmation, and of course it was a boy. Can't wait till next scan in May to find out with baby2 :)
  • 4 weeks later...

Wonder if the expectant mothers that posted here all went ahead to find out. I have my 22 week scan in a couple of weeks and after much debate with my husband, have now decided not to find out. I'm the increadibly curious and organised one, so it's taken a while to convince me that I CAN wait. I'm slightly impatient too so good practise for me as will need to learn to be much more patient when I become a mother in Sept:o)


Best wishes to you all (including husbands, babies and bumps)!

  • 2 weeks later...

I was really worried I'd see what it was during my 20wk scan (being a nurse and having seen scans of other body parts before).


However, whether due to my post night shift fog or us telling the research fellow as soon as we got into the room that we didn't want to know we came away clueless, without having any "if you don't want to know the result look away now" moments!!

If you decide you want a surprise, then I think you need to make sure you tell each member of staff who comes in what you 'don't want to know'. We felt like certain things were taken for granted and we needed to keep repeating ourselves to be sure. I also have a friend who was told the sex by someone just not thinking, she was very upset but stoically kept it to herself (even from her hubby, who wasn't able to be at that scan).

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    • Log in See all News The fightback against Britain’s corporate vets has begun With costs continuing to spiral, angry pet owners and independent practices have had enough of the big companies dominating the industry     481   Gift this article free   Sally Williams 24 August 2025 12:00pm BST Caroline* and Julian* had been married for 10 years before the arrival of Amy, a miniature dachshund. They had different views about pets. She had grown up surrounded by dogs and really missed having one around the house. He was not a dog person.   They had a happy marriage, a lovely house in south London, good jobs (he worked in finance, she for charities). “But we couldn’t have children and so decided having a dog would make our life more complete,” Caroline explains.   Just before the first lockdown of March 2020, they went to a miniature dachshund breeder in Colchester. 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She stayed on, along with the vets who’d founded the clinic 16 years before.   Barely six months later, in January 2023, the CMA started to investigate and the clinic’s relationship with Medivet was paused. “We didn’t have a lot of time to be absorbed into the great Medivet machine,” says Weatherall. But it was long enough to get an insight into how things worked.   “In a big corporate environment, you haven’t got the people who make decisions on the ground with you. It’s all centralised which is obviously more cost-effective. Which meant, for example, that we had to wait an interminable amount of time to get permission to buy anything, or if anything breaks – if a door handle comes off, you’ve got to wait for someone to come out and fix it, even though it could be driving the team mad.”   When Medivet put the Oxford Cat Clinic up for sale, Weatherall decided to buy it. “I wanted to keep it out of the hands of the corporate. It’s really good for our clients to know we’re locally run. We’re not owned by somebody who’s in an office, sometimes in a different country, even, who has no idea what’s going on.”   Melanie Weatherall: 'People are frightened to go to the vets because of the cost' Melanie Weatherall: ‘People are frightened to go to the vets because of the cost’ Credit: Harry Lawlor She talks about “pragmatic” care. “I adopted a cat recently. He was a stray. He had a damaged leg. We could have had about £3,000-plus of surgery to repair the leg, but did an amputation in the surgery because that’s a cheaper option and a reasonable option.”   There should be budget vet options, says Paul Mankelow, chief vet at the Blue Cross animal charity. “I can walk into an Aldi and know it’s a different proposition to Waitrose. Similarly, do I want to fly easyJet or Emirates? It’s very clear. But it’s not clear in the veterinary market.”   But running an independent practice is not easy. “I don’t draw any money from the business,” says Weatherall. “I earn no profit whatsoever. I want to change that.”   Sadly, it looks as if the CMA market investigation is not going to be quite as effective as everyone hoped. One of its purposes was to address alleged monopolistic pricing and ownership in the veterinary industry. But there are signs the investigation has pivoted away from the more profound problems of the corporate sector.   This January, Marcus Bokkerink stepped down as chair of the CMA, just three years into his role, as the watchdog moves to better align itself with the Government’s “push for growth”. “The Government’s strategic steer to the CMA is that it shouldn’t be doing anything which gives any outward impression that the UK is not business- or investment-friendly,” says Reader. Doug Gurr, a former head of Amazon UK, is now the interim chair.   “That doesn’t mean no regulation – we all want to see safe, high-quality care. But the system has to be fair and proportionate for both large national groups and small local practices,” says Martin Coleman, chair of the CMA’s inquiry group.   “We’re very supportive of the investigation, we’re glad it’s happening. However, one of our concerns is that the remedies won’t go far enough to put any real constraints on business, but they will go far enough to create extra work and additional paperwork for people working on the front line of veterinary medicine,” says Suzanna Hudson-Cooke, branch chairman of the British Veterinary Union in Unite.   “Initially, I thought it would be great. Now I think I was naive,” says Chandler. “As a small business, we’re looking potentially at an increase in administrative burden and we’re meant to be a clinic that the CMA looks after.”   *Names have been changed     Join the conversation   Show 481 comments The Telegraph values your comments but kindly requests all posts are on topic, constructive and respectful. Please review our commenting policy. Related Topics Telegraph long reads, Dogs, Cats, Animals                         © Telegraph Media Group Holdings Limited 2025  
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