I heard the news today, oh boy..

[MarkE]

Something's clearly wrong there... have the papers cut down on the number of pretty young things they put on their front pages?

On this point specifically, A-Level results day is an annual event in which very little is reportable - pass rates go up or down somewhat marginally. What's actually the news here?

[El Pibe]

in case you're wondering it tops the news on the beeb, the indy and the guardian, el pais (spanish left wing), el mundo (spanish right wing), le monde, I mst say the Djiboutian national press is conspicuous by its unwillingness to even mention it, you can find it in the Tehran times but it's a minor struggle.

Well done Murdoch and co, the sun website is something about a biscuit apparently....

[El Pibe]

boyus are doing better than girls, as opposed to the last 9 years where girls are doing better than boys, in 2 years I reckon girls will be doing better than boys, worth a front page in the face of massively repressive violence.

[DaveR]

Egypt also front page of the Times, not generally considered a lefty paper. The Mail I can understand, long since given up any pretence of being a proper paper, the Telegraph is inexplicable.

Not persuaded by comparison with Sharpeville, Tiananmen etc. Sometimes single events fit neatly into a pre-existing narrative and encapsulate in one hit a narrative that might have been going on for years, sometimes they reveal a hidden and signficant truth that has previously escaped the public consciousness. Either way they stand out as more than just the news of that day. What happened in Egypt during the last 48 hours does neither of those things - rather (worst case scenario) it points the way towards another Syria scenario, where a country slowly and bloodily tears itself apart (with assistance from others) and the rest of the world quickly slips into atrocity-fatigue and tries to look the other way.

[El Pibe]

Atrocity fatigue was rather my point, it is obviously far worse than sharpeville, it's just the world has changed.

Not for the better.

[El Pibe]

rather enjoyed this little gem

"A Government source is quoted by The Times as saying: "No 10 and the Foreign Office think Miliband is a f****** c*** and a copper-bottomed s***."

[giggirl]

I feel very sad that Rolf Harris has been officially charged with nine counts of indecent assault. That's another bit of my childhood chipped away at.

[El Pibe]

Noooooooo

[Alan Medic]

.

ALERTS TO THREATS

IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese ,

British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...

[Dopamine1979]

Brilliant!

Glad to see John Cleese has still got it.

http://www.thecoli.com/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/thumbsup.gif

[El Pibe]

scary google barges http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24819850

Having read Cryptonomicon, Google's foray into electronic money springs to mind.

As per the book this will doubtless lead to offshore banking, money laundering, ruthless corporate exploitation, scary gangsters and so on.

The start of Google's descent into evil empire begins here people (or may have started with the tianamen square thingy, or the NSA thingy, or street view and UN black helicopters if you read the right places)

[El Pibe]

We might add this to the newspaper

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24814999

[El Pibe]

No hangovers?

I'm in like sin!!!!!!

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/getting-drunk-without-the-hangover-or-health-risks--scientist-seeks-investment-for-alcohol-substitute-drug-8931946.html

[Jah Lush]

Not me.

No hangovers maybe but no drink either. No drink. No taste. No fun. No substitute for the real thing.

[Loz]

Ha - I very, very rarely get hangovers. I think I can count the serious hangovers in my life on one hand. A wonderful genetic trait.

And it's not from lack of drinking, either.

[El Pibe]

Mine now last on average 3 days.

I'm still a bit shaky from the free champagne (not the good stuff sadly) on saturday night.

[El Pibe]

blimey, poor Chang, executed for

"selling off national resources at too low a price, factional manoeuvring ... womanising, playboy activities and ?drunkenness and general immorality?.

I'm not sure we'd have any left if we did that here, Boris would go for starters!!

[Mick Mac]

El Pibe Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Mine now last on average 3 days.

> I'm still a bit shaky from the free champagne (not

> the good stuff sadly) on saturday night.

I tend to suffer tiredness these days rather than a hangover. But when I say this to my wife she says tiredness IS a hangover.

[????]

My consumption has dropped enough that I get w*nkered on a few pints nowadays, I still really like drinking but I really seem to have accidentally dropped out of full on sessions - driven by lifestyle (ahem Kids) rather than a delibertae choice - and I don't miss them at all. In the old days I didn't think I got hangovers now I realsed I just topped up all weekend. Not being able to function properly, boozers gloom, buggered stomach, crap eating.....happy on a few pints nowadays. Had one bad hangover in 6 months - spoilt a sunday. Happy to just feel a bit rough round the edges now and again.

[El Pibe]

"I tend to suffer tiredness these days rather than a hangover"

I think it's just called fatherhood isn't it? Like quids I'll rarely have more than a bottlwe of wine with the missus on a friday night (we feel terrible if we carck open another) or four pints on a night out. THe five o clock start just becomes too damn hard.

[Jeremy]

El Pibe Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> four pints on a night out.

That's kind of become my threshold. I can function OK the morning after four pints. Five is likely to make me feel pretty bloody awful for most of the following day.

[El Pibe]

reading about a joint iraqi army, kurdish operation with strategy planned by Iranian advisors and american special forces coordinating and directing airpower, I couldn't help wondering if some good was coming out of IS's awfulness?!

[david_carnell]

If Iran and the US are now on the same side you know the enemy must be something special.

[El Pibe]

So I've generally avoided the whole pistorius thing, but i have to say i'm finding whatever bit of the trial this is, with the judge giving some sort of guidelines to the jury, quite interesting.

She's more or less said whether he knew Reeva was in there or not is irrelevant because we can never know, any evidence being circumstantial, all he can be done on is what we do know, that he thought a human being was in there and he unloaded on them.

I'm no lawyer and I've no idea how precendent works legally speaking, but is that a green light for everyone to murder their waves in locked toilets as long as noone else is around if you're prepared to do the time for manslaughter (a fine to 15 years by all accounts)?

[StraferJack]

I think most people would still prefer divorce option if I'm honest