A moment of madness...

[Ladymuck]

HAL9000 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Ahem. The Scarecrow asked for a brain, the Tin Man

> a heart and the Cowardly Lion courage (curry?).

Yes...I didn't want to say anything...but...katie1997...I think this is probably now the funniest post on this thread. Can anyone top it?

ha ha ha

*collapses in a heap in fits of giggles*

[Ladymuck]

Ah! Just seen, I cross-posted with your edit HAL9000.

[katie1997]

ha ha ha you're SO right HAL9000, well spotted. In my defence, your honour, it was a LONG time ago....anyone could get the lion mixed up with the tin man (or scarecrow*), couldn't they......?

So........it was a medal they gave the lion for his courage. Thats what I meant, medals, hearts, curry....easy mistake, yeah? :))

*etc

*also collapses with laughter*

[TheArtfulDogger]

I have a friend, who when arriving into this country for the first time thought Immac was shower gel....

he won't do that again I can assure you, but he is a damn faster swimmer as a result !!!

as for me I 'snap' my fingers at police boxes expecting them to open (6)

[Ladymuck]

Deleted because of a moment of madness.

[tonyw3]

Back in the late 70s, when the IRA bombs were going off all over England, I used to work as a trainee TV engineer. Being the mere minion/tea-boy that I was back then, part of my job was to carry my boss' briefcase. We had just completed some work in the West End of London at a customer's flat and we were heading back to his car. He opened the passenger door to let me in and we drove off normally. When we got back to the workshop, I couldn't find my manager's briefcase in the car. We looked all over the car. It wasn't around. Suddenly, the receptionist came running out stating that the Police were on the line. They had just completed a mini-controlled-explosion on a briefcase they had found on the pavement where we had been parked because they thought it might have contained a bomb, and amongst the remaining debris they had found my manager's details.

The lesson that we both learnt from this was that it is always best to carry your own briefcase!

[brum]

I caused a mass evacuation of a 9 storey office block (mostly occupied by fire brigade HQ offices) by burning my toast. Not my proudest moment, considering my profession! :-$

[Ladymuck]

No brum...but utterly hilarious considering your profession.

*hee hee*

[brum]

Having to confess my misdemeanour to the attending fire crews was the worst bit.

[Ladymuck]

I'll bet!! Wish I'd been there. Oh dearie dearie me.

[The Minkey]

5 star brain fart, Hellosailor ;-) That makes me feel a whole lot better - lol..!!

My most worrying one was sitting in a pub in Clapham Junction with my boss and a colleague, waiting for their trains. I was on a staged return to work at the time, and had been experiencing some disconcerting cognitive issues.

As it came time to leave, I was thinking how best to get home, when it suddenly occurred to me that although I recognised the interior of the pub, I couldn't for the life of me remember what part of London we were in and had to ask.

[Ladymuck]

Sainsburys: went to pay for a massive weekly shop - no purse...humiliating to say the least as huge queue of people behind me (though Sainsburys were very good about it). Jesus, I thought this only happened to senile little old ladies.

[Mamma Mia]

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Sainsburys: went to pay for a massive weekly shop

> - no purse...humiliating to say the least as huge

> queue of people behind me (though Sainsburys were

> very good about it). Jesus, I thought this only

> happened to senile little old ladies.

Obviously not because I have done that too. Twice! You'd think I would learn, wouldn't you? One occasion was on a Sunday afternoon at 5.20 with a bulging trolley (so you can imagine how popular I was). Had to race home and back before the tills closed at 5.30. Did it in 7 minutes flat! Way too much stress!

[Huguenot]

I run a hosting business. Because I get calls at all hours and all places, from customers who cock things up, I store most of the 100-odd business sites passwords on my crackberry under restricted access.

Last Thursday, after a long (non-boozy) lunch and an extended taxi drive with the rain lashing down, I legged if from the car into the house, had a quick trip to the loo and settled down back to work.

About 5pm the wife called to ask who on earth I'd been talking to all afternoon as the phone was constantly engaged. I cast around for it, but surprise surprise it wasn't there. I turned the house upside down but no sign. I rang it but still the peep peep peep thing.

I must have left the bloody thing in the taxi, because despite the driver claiming not to have seen it, I did use it in the taxi.

I nearly parped myself: if the 'new owner' of the phone (be it taxi driver or the next passenger) could hack the code to use it, then they also had the knowledge how to crack the password protection. Consequently they would undoubtedly realise the worth of these passwords.

That was massive. I was going to be sick.

In a state of almost pathological terror I had to thrash through all the domains changing all of the passwords. It took me from 5pm to the small hours and then again from 7am the next morning. I had to notify all my clients, whilst bullshitting about this being standard practice and putting up with the abuse I suffered as a result.

I even forgot one of the passwords I changed, but clearly believed this to be down to a hacker attack, parped myself again, and threw myself back at the task with even more hysterical vigour.

Finally at 5pm I got a call from one of my mates to have a beer. Having reached a state of nervous exhaustion, and done everything I could to protect my buisness, I finally agreed and decided to have a quick poo and join him.

After 24 hours of hell I collapsed ingloriously onto the porcelain throne, pushing the door closed to stop the dog staring at me.

There, underneath the door itself, in that gap between the bottom of the door and the floor, perfectly fitting the width of the wood, was my phone.

There's no signal in the downstairs lav.

[Ladymuck]

Well, that certainly puts most of the other little...ahem..escapades...on here into perspective.

I do hope you have recovered Huguenot.

*tries not to laugh*

[Ladymuck]

Mamma Mia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>Had to race home and back before

> the tills closed at 5.30. Did it in 7 minutes

> flat!

Hats off to you there! Could you have done that had you been a senile little old lady I wonder?

[Waldo]

Milk in the cupboard, teabags in the fridge.

This stops being funny after the 5th or 6th time.

[boosboss]

In my youth I had a part-time job in a restaurant. It was my job to carve joints at the tables of customers. I also served dessert (just to make my booboo clearer).

One evening I was carving beef for a customer, with all the other guests watching me. When, with the meat on the plate, I lifted the gravy boat and asked the customer 'If he'd like some custard with it'

The diners fell into fits of giggles and the rest of the silver service waiting staff had great difficulty controlling their spoons whilst trying to serve. I rushed off to the sanctuary of the kitchen with a very red face, knowing I'd have to face these people again at dessert. I did have to face them and they were gracious enough not to request gravy with their sweet! Oh the shame!! :-$

[Ladymuck]

Out drinking at Franklins with another forumite last night...offered my house keys as payment for a bowl of chips! Hmmmm. Worse, this wasn't due to alcohol consumption - I had but moments before knocked over my untouched glass of cider all over myself. Should I be worried?

[northlondoner]

Surely we've all thanked the ATM after its dispensed the cash?

Or even left the cash protruding from the machine and gone home?

Right?

[Ladymuck]

Nope - never done that northlondoner - guess am not doing too badly after all!:))

[brum]

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Out drinking at Franklins with another forumite

> last night...offered my house keys as payment for

> a bowl of chips! Hmmmm. Worse, this wasn't due

> to alcohol consumption - I had but moments before

> knocked over my untouched glass of cider all over

> myself. Should I be worried?

Hold on there LM, you've only told half the story about the cider.....

I happen to know that the other forumite was coerced in to holding you up to the hot air hand-drier in the gents loo, to try and dry your wet jeans. This was an experience said forumite won't forget in a hurry. The barmaid won't either, after she nervously poked her head around the door to enquire about the rumpus, only to be greeted by the vision of you all legs-a-kimbo and said forumite looking very sheepish.....

So yes, perhaps you should be a bit worried!

[Ladymuck]

Coerced?!!! Said forumite offered and I originally declined...ahem...generous offer and went off to the gents with the barmaid instead (oh God, not sure which sounds worse!). However, the dryer was positioned too high up the wall, and being a mere hobbit my drenched legs could not reach. Lovely barmaid tried to hoist me up, but, as heavily pregnant - couldn't. I then jumped up onto a little window cill adjacent to the dryer to see if I could swing my soaked legs round towards the dryer...but the cill had a downhill gradient to it causing me to slide off and crash to the floor. Now bruised as well as wet, it was only then, out of sheer desperation (and remember I was SOAKED...I looked as though I had p1ssed myself) that I reluctantly accepted your original offer and ultimately sought your "assistance". A competent fireman's lift from you in the direction of the dryer would have me sorted me out in no time...Ha! Call that a lift? Your scarcely got me off the ground! It was only...and ONLY...at that point that I caved in and accepted a "piggy-back" instead as a last-ditch attempt to get dried. Alas that didn't work either...hysterical laughter from both fireman and hobbit put paid to that.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering why the gents toilets? It was because the ladies' loo did not have a dryer (only paper towels).

Dear God...what a night!

[Huguenot]

Couldn't you have take the jeans off?

[Narnia]

Congratulations LM! When is the little hobbitsss due?