The Off Side Rule in Footie

[Ladymuck]

Simple explanation required suitable for brain the size of a pea.

Let the explanations begin - please.

Thank you.

[DJKillaQueen]

When the ball is passed to you (at the moment it is kicked), you are off side if there's no player from the other team between you and their goalkeeper.

[Narnia]

Mystery solved?. ?You?re out shoe shopping and you notice that there?s some shoes that would go really well with that dress you?ve just bought. The trouble is, another girl has spotted the reduced shoes too and she?s between you and the till. To make matters worse, your mate?s got your purse and she?s busy at the back trying on a pair of shoes. The rules of shopping dictate that you can?t barge past your opponent, grab the shoes and wait at the front of the queue until your friend throws you some money ? that would earn you a retail red card. What you have to do is get your friend to throw you the purse first, then you can barge past the other girl, grab the shoes and clinch the deal.?

Simple, huh?

[Narnia]

I've noticed the last explanation has been posted elsewhere already. Maybe you don't really need to know.

[Ladymuck]

DJKQ...so, is it OK to keep the ball (George Best style) and dribble across the entire pitch and shoot even if there is no-one between the opposing side's goalkeeper and you?

Narnia...very funny (I am definitely not a man!).

And talking about shoes is guaranteed to send me to sleep. And a red card if off side? That can't be right...and seems harsh given that it seems easy to accidently fall foul of the rule.

[matthew123]

Simply put at the point the ball is passed to a player, he is offside if he was in the opposition half at the moment of the pass AND the pass is made by a team mate AND the pass is forward AND there are less than 2 opposing players between him and the goal line. Otherise the player is onside.

[kpc]

FIFA explain this in very clear terms in the following instructional video:

Law 11 Explained

See how far you can make it through the video before reaching for the revolver/vodka/referee's whistle.

[PeckhamRose]

I have to admit I adore the ads that say 'Offside Rule for Girls: if the flag's up, it's offside."

[HonaloochieB]

I don't know much, LM, that's for sure, but I know enough not to call it 'footie'.

Flag goes up, LM offside, possibly forever.

[PeckhamRose]

HonaloochieB as we sit here typing they're out there playing (LadyMuck and DJKillaQueen)

I'm kinda enjoying being able to breathe and be still!

[HonaloochieB]

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB as we sit here typing they're out

> there playing (LadyMuck and DJKillaQueen)

> I'm kinda enjoying being able to breathe and be

> still!

I've reviewed my original post PeckhamRose, and as the good Muckster and DJKQueen are out there as we speak risking thighs, sinews and underpinnings I suggest we allow the distaff side of the operation to call the mysterious game 'footie', in tribute and salute to the fairer sex.

But if a chap, fellow or even a bloke of any description tries it on, they should be shunned, cut by the county and become a hissing and a byword.

On this matter I stand resolute.

[Ladymuck]

matthew123 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Simply put at the point the ball is passed to a

> player, he is offside if he was in the opposition

> half at the moment of the pass AND the pass is

> made by a team mate AND the pass is forward AND

> there are less than 2 opposing players between him

> and the goal line. Otherise the player is onside.

Matthew, you would never make a special needs teacher...that is too complex for a pea brain!

Gordon Bennett!

[Ladymuck]

kpc Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> FIFA explain this in very clear terms in the

> following instructional video:

>

> Law 11 Explained

>

> See how far you can make it through the video

> before reaching for the revolver/vodka/referee's

> whistle.

Jesus Wept! There are no pictures...no demos...fat lot of good that...

*grabs revolver*

[HAL9000]

Don't know how helpful this will be - but here are a few offside sites illustrated with diagrams:

http://www.offside-ref.co.uk/laws/11-offside-rule/detailed/

http://www.sidelinesoccer.com/offsides

[Ladymuck]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Flag goes up, LM offside, possibly forever.

*keeps on playing as referee hasn't blown whistle*

[HonaloochieB]

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> kpc Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > FIFA explain this in very clear terms in the

> > following instructional video:

> >

> > Law 11 Explained

> >

> > See how far you can make it through the video

> > before reaching for the

> revolver/vodka/referee's

> > whistle.

>

>

> Jesus Wept! There are no pictures...no

> demos...fat lot of good that...

>

> *grabs revolver*

LadyMuck, there's a load of sexist laddish potential authors who will want to just mess with you on the matter of 'offside'.

I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty little head with such matters, honestly it's too complicated.

Even some men can't understand it, fertheloveaMike.

Until his death George Best thought you could get away with it by giving the referee a 'wink, click and guns' as you passed him.

Actually might well have worked for him in some situations.

So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter na mind.

Howay.

[Narnia]

Offside for Americans

This should do the trick LM.

[Ladymuck]

HAL9000 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Don't know how helpful this will be - but here are

> a few offside sites illustrated with diagrams:

Nope...confused at first para:

A player is in an offside position if:

* he is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent

This is just not clear to me...arrrrggghhh the frustration....

This is genuinely driving me mad - especially when playing...

Is there no-one out there who can explain this in a way that I could understand it?

*loads revolver*

[HAL9000]

Let's try a different approach:

LM, just make sure there are always two opponents between you and their end of the pitch.

Does that make sense?

[Narnia]

Normally those two would include the goalkeeper. So if you are at least level but not in front of the last defender in an imaginary line across the pitch you are onside when the ball is played by one of your teammates.

Have you thought of being a goalie?

[Ladymuck]

HAL9000 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Don't know how helpful this will be - but here are

> a few offside sites illustrated with diagrams:

> http://www.sidelinesoccer.com/offsides

OK HAL9000 I've just "studied" your second link...it's a bit more helpful...but will need to "study" it properly - later. But I thank you for taking this seriously...talking of which...

[HonaloochieB]

Just looked up.

We're through the looking class here, people.

[PeckhamRose]

Did you play today, LadyMuck? People learn better through actions than words. And DJKQ knows it.

[Ladymuck]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty little

> head

Do not make that assumption - I might have two for all you know!

>honestly it's too

> complicated.

*flares nostrils and widens all four eyes*

> Even some men can't understand it

And...?

> Until his death George Best thought you could get

> away with it by giving the referee a 'wink, click

> and guns' as you passed him.

Now you have really overstepped the mark with that comment!

*kicks HB in the groin...*

*...and then...*

http://www.friendsandrelations.com/images/user/15_1.jpg

> So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter na

> mind.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

*logs off and pisses off to the Irish Festival*

[HonaloochieB]

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

>

> > I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty

> little

> > head

>

> Do not make that assumption - I might have two for

> all you know!

>

> >honestly it's too

> > complicated.

>

> *flares nostrils and widens all four eyes*

>

> > Even some men can't understand it

>

> And...?

>

> > Until his death George Best thought you could

> get

> > away with it by giving the referee a 'wink,

> click

> > and guns' as you passed him.

>

> Now you have really overstepped the mark with that

> comment!

>

> *kicks HB in the groin...*

>

> *...and then...*

>

> http://www.friendsandrelations.com/images/user/15_

> 1.jpg

>

>

> > So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter

> na

> > mind.

>

> AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

>

> *logs off and pisses off to the Irish Festival*

*looks aghast at the Muckatollah's seemingly irrational outburst, but resists the urge to opine 'Chicks, eh'? Wanders away deep in puzzlement at LM's vexation at what he thought was a helpful and supportive post.

Walks away limping, but resolves not to attend to his groin area until in the privacy of his own spare room where the self-massage necessary will not excite comment*