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The Off Side Rule in Footie

Ladymuck

By Ladymuck
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Narnia

Narnia

Posted
Posted

Mystery solved?. ?You?re out shoe shopping and you notice that there?s some shoes that would go really well with that dress you?ve just bought. The trouble is, another girl has spotted the reduced shoes too and she?s between you and the till. To make matters worse, your mate?s got your purse and she?s busy at the back trying on a pair of shoes. The rules of shopping dictate that you can?t barge past your opponent, grab the shoes and wait at the front of the queue until your friend throws you some money ? that would earn you a retail red card. What you have to do is get your friend to throw you the purse first, then you can barge past the other girl, grab the shoes and clinch the deal.?


Simple, huh?

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

DJKQ...so, is it OK to keep the ball (George Best style) and dribble across the entire pitch and shoot even if there is no-one between the opposing side's goalkeeper and you?


Narnia...very funny (I am definitely not a man!).


And talking about shoes is guaranteed to send me to sleep. And a red card if off side? That can't be right...and seems harsh given that it seems easy to accidently fall foul of the rule.

matthew123

matthew123

Posted
Posted
Simply put at the point the ball is passed to a player, he is offside if he was in the opposition half at the moment of the pass AND the pass is made by a team mate AND the pass is forward AND there are less than 2 opposing players between him and the goal line. Otherise the player is onside.
HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB as we sit here typing they're out

> there playing (LadyMuck and DJKillaQueen)

> I'm kinda enjoying being able to breathe and be

> still!


I've reviewed my original post PeckhamRose, and as the good Muckster and DJKQueen are out there as we speak risking thighs, sinews and underpinnings I suggest we allow the distaff side of the operation to call the mysterious game 'footie', in tribute and salute to the fairer sex.


But if a chap, fellow or even a bloke of any description tries it on, they should be shunned, cut by the county and become a hissing and a byword.


On this matter I stand resolute.

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

matthew123 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Simply put at the point the ball is passed to a

> player, he is offside if he was in the opposition

> half at the moment of the pass AND the pass is

> made by a team mate AND the pass is forward AND

> there are less than 2 opposing players between him

> and the goal line. Otherise the player is onside.



Matthew, you would never make a special needs teacher...that is too complex for a pea brain!


Gordon Bennett!

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

kpc Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> FIFA explain this in very clear terms in the

> following instructional video:

>

> Law 11 Explained

>

> See how far you can make it through the video

> before reaching for the revolver/vodka/referee's

> whistle.



Jesus Wept! There are no pictures...no demos...fat lot of good that...


*grabs revolver*

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> kpc Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > FIFA explain this in very clear terms in the

> > following instructional video:

> >

> > Law 11 Explained

> >

> > See how far you can make it through the video

> > before reaching for the

> revolver/vodka/referee's

> > whistle.

>

>

> Jesus Wept! There are no pictures...no

> demos...fat lot of good that...

>

> *grabs revolver*


LadyMuck, there's a load of sexist laddish potential authors who will want to just mess with you on the matter of 'offside'.

I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty little head with such matters, honestly it's too complicated.

Even some men can't understand it, fertheloveaMike.

Until his death George Best thought you could get away with it by giving the referee a 'wink, click and guns' as you passed him.

Actually might well have worked for him in some situations.


So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter na mind.


Howay.

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

HAL9000 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Don't know how helpful this will be - but here are

> a few offside sites illustrated with diagrams:


Nope...confused at first para:



A player is in an offside position if:


* he is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent



This is just not clear to me...arrrrggghhh the frustration....


This is genuinely driving me mad - especially when playing...


Is there no-one out there who can explain this in a way that I could understand it?




*loads revolver*

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

HAL9000 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Don't know how helpful this will be - but here are

> a few offside sites illustrated with diagrams:


> http://www.sidelinesoccer.com/offsides


OK HAL9000 I've just "studied" your second link...it's a bit more helpful...but will need to "study" it properly - later. But I thank you for taking this seriously...talking of which...

Ladymuck

Ladymuck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

HonaloochieB Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------


> I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty little

> head


Do not make that assumption - I might have two for all you know!


>honestly it's too

> complicated.


*flares nostrils and widens all four eyes*


> Even some men can't understand it


And...?


> Until his death George Best thought you could get

> away with it by giving the referee a 'wink, click

> and guns' as you passed him.


Now you have really overstepped the mark with that comment!


*kicks HB in the groin...*


*...and then...*


http://www.friendsandrelations.com/images/user/15_1.jpg



> So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter na

> mind.


AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH


*logs off and pisses off to the Irish Festival*

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

Ladymuck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

>

> > I reckon you shouldn't trouble your pretty

> little

> > head

>

> Do not make that assumption - I might have two for

> all you know!

>

> >honestly it's too

> > complicated.

>

> *flares nostrils and widens all four eyes*

>

> > Even some men can't understand it

>

> And...?

>

> > Until his death George Best thought you could

> get

> > away with it by giving the referee a 'wink,

> click

> > and guns' as you passed him.

>

> Now you have really overstepped the mark with that

> comment!

>

> *kicks HB in the groin...*

>

> *...and then...*

>

> http://www.friendsandrelations.com/images/user/15_

> 1.jpg

>

>

> > So, pet, settle down and diven't pay the matter

> na

> > mind.

>

> AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

>

> *logs off and pisses off to the Irish Festival*


*looks aghast at the Muckatollah's seemingly irrational outburst, but resists the urge to opine 'Chicks, eh'? Wanders away deep in puzzlement at LM's vexation at what he thought was a helpful and supportive post.

Walks away limping, but resolves not to attend to his groin area until in the privacy of his own spare room where the self-massage necessary will not excite comment*

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