Christmas with the family/in-laws: survival tips

[Smiler]

The grandparenting thread has made me think about Christmas with extended family / in-laws. Anyone have any tips to minimise stress?

This year we'll be self-catering with Mr Smiler's family (two old ladies, eight adults, two toddlers and two tiny babies) for a whole week. Not done this since the bleak farm-house-hovel Xmas of 2008 when the beast of Exmoor would have been a welcome diversion. This time cannot pursue my usual strategy of getting drunk the whole time as am breast-feeding.

My plan so far is:

- not to be the one who runs around after everyone in a dutiful way (demented hostess mode) and then seethes with resentment. Do as little as possible while seeming to be helpful (e.g. offer drinks when everyone has one already, hover in the kitchen when others are cooking).

- to keep chocolate / trashy books / ipod in a bedroom and go there frequently (say the baby is awake, needs feeding etc.).

- phone a friend to bitch about our respective in-laws.

Any tips appreciated!

[littleEDfamily]

This made me laugh. I have no tips really, but I think it's definitely a good idea to hide away reading books using the baby as an excuse. That's what I do when I can no longer stand the inane chit chat and kid noise.

[Bicep_Builder]

Spike the wine with rhohypnol.

[Yabo]

try this:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Worst-case-Scenario-Survival-Handbook-Christmas/dp/0811837599/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1290382070&sr=8-1-spell

:))

[felt-tip]

just remember - the party doesnt need you.

[jollybaby]

I could do with some tips too. Am taking my mother in law who's over from Australia, to spend Christmas with my family. The problem - my mother in law is very quiet and doesn't drink, whereas my family can barely stand by lunchtime thanks to my stepfather's cocktail making skills. Throw in a new baby, two toddlers and my auntie's odd lodger who bores everyone with his stories about cars and I think we have a fantastic Christmas in the making!

[Keef]

Drink. Lots and lots of drink.

[Rach]

Go out for a walk...cabin fever always sparks the biggest rows. Also make sure everyone has something to do and take loads of games. Also maybe all agree some boundaries/rules....dinner is served at a specific time and set up a rota of cooking/cleaning. Good luck.....my family drive me potty and my reserve is to hide somewhere with a bottle of wine!

[EmilyE]

get some of the adults to babysit and escape?

Oh, and use the time in your bedroom to plan xmas 2011, which, needless to say, will not involve endless in-laws!

[njc97]

Surely because you are breastfeeding, you'll be too tired to do any cooking, cleaning, washing up at all? Just sit back and make everyone wait on you.

Similarly - lots of breaks to bedroom to "feed baby" or even to "have a lie down", with book, ipod, hidden stash of chocolates.

[Kes]

hehe great thread

I've recently developed a real need for long baths to sooth something or other, it always tends to come on when visiting relatives!

At the inlaws we do quite well, there are normally so many of them at Christmas, that after a few drinks you can wander off on your own for several hours before anyone realises you've gone!

K

[ryedalema]

Just read a good tip in Good Housekeeping (promise not my usual read!).

Write the Christmas chores (that you'd be comfortable with someone else doing) on scraps of paper and put them in a hat. Each guest has to pick a chore out of a hat. Bit of a game and it keeps them busy/useful.

Think I'll def. be trying that one!

[Helen GV]

I'm going to need to find evidence that:

1. a hammock is not bad for a baby's back

2. babies do not need to sleep all the time

3. breastfeeding two children is not going to harm anybody

so that I can back myself up!

I'm sure there's more- need to prepare....

[Gussy]

Haha Helen so true! I get from my MIL that she feels she doesn't really know her grandson because he 'sleeps a lot'. Total rot, he has about 2 hours in total in the day in 2 naps, oh and that he is needy because he is breastfed :X

Can I just ask, do you think it is ok for me to insist that this year we have a christmas at home without visitors? For the last 15 years I have gone back to my husbands family for Christmas (my lot are hopeless/all over the place/not bothered about xmas), and last year they came to ours - it was the worst Christmas I've ever had. I was 8 months pregnant, had toddler as well, did so much cooking and they didn't lift a finger. In fact they were deliberately lazy and unhelpful because we didn't go back to theirs (MIL loves a mind game). Anyway, this year I've said to my husband I want Christmas and Boxing day at home and then we will hit the road and go back to his parents (2.5hrs away) and visit some of my lot. Is that fair? My hubby is in a grump about it because he wants to go back home.....I'm knackered with 2 kids under 2 and not slept for more than a few hours in about a year and just want to kick back and relax with my immediate family. Is anyone else staying at home with just the kids and then visiting family? Hubby keeps making me feel like I am being unreasonable :(

[Helen GV]

it's impossible to keep everyone happy, must be your turn this year! point out that you will actually see his family, and stand your ground if it's important to you.

[Smiler]

Poor you Gussy, you are not being unreasonable at all. Every other year with the in-laws is more than enough for me (and vice versa for Mr Smiler with my family)! Tell him to stop whinging (or put him on here and we will!) >:D<

Poor Helen GV - there seems to be a big anti-breastfeeding thing with older generations, like we're choosing to breastfeed as a deliberate ploy to exclude everyone else. Grrr.

Anyone got a good response to endless "bitty" jokes?!

[BeccaL]

Since we had our daughter we didn't go to either family but stayed at home - so much better. Gussy, definitely tell him you're not going anywhere! Also a chance to establish your own family traditions (not that that is likely to work with your MIL as a reason why you're not there!). Hope to see you in the park on Christmas Day!

[Kes]

Gussy - we're doing exactly that this year, we've never had christmas in our own home, or even in London, we always end up trying to go to both sets of family and slots in grandparents too (Surrey, Devon, Glos) spemd the whole time on trains or stuck in traffic, lugging massive bags around and getting exhusted. We're putting our feet down this year and it'll be just the 3 of us on Christmas day!

K

[Helen GV]

Have had this a couple of times, haven't retorted but maybe

'haha that NEVER gets old does it'

or 'as long as he's potty trained by the time he goes away to uni'

my in-laws speak French and I don't so luckily I miss a lot of criticism anyway, blissful ignorance...

>

> Anyone got a good response to endless "bitty"

> jokes?!

[Sanne Panne]

> Write the Christmas chores (that you'd be

> comfortable with someone else doing) on scraps of

> paper and put them in a hat. Each guest has to

> pick a chore out of a hat. Bit of a game and it

> keeps them busy/useful.

...and mark the chore you want and offer to pick from the hat first.

[littleEDfamily]

We stayed at home, just the (then) 3 of us for Christmas a couple of years back - thought it would be nice/ good to start own traditions etc. To be honest, I thought it was a bit sad and dull. I think I'd rather spend an imperfect day with whomever's family/ friends/ random collections of people than staying on our own. But, then again, I quite like my family on both sides. Even if the in laws do feed me strange English Christmas food (prawn cocktail: vom!) and sickly sweet German wine.....