Jump to content

Recommended Posts

The grandparenting thread has made me think about Christmas with extended family / in-laws. Anyone have any tips to minimise stress?


This year we'll be self-catering with Mr Smiler's family (two old ladies, eight adults, two toddlers and two tiny babies) for a whole week. Not done this since the bleak farm-house-hovel Xmas of 2008 when the beast of Exmoor would have been a welcome diversion. This time cannot pursue my usual strategy of getting drunk the whole time as am breast-feeding.


My plan so far is:


- not to be the one who runs around after everyone in a dutiful way (demented hostess mode) and then seethes with resentment. Do as little as possible while seeming to be helpful (e.g. offer drinks when everyone has one already, hover in the kitchen when others are cooking).


- to keep chocolate / trashy books / ipod in a bedroom and go there frequently (say the baby is awake, needs feeding etc.).


- phone a friend to bitch about our respective in-laws.


Any tips appreciated!

I could do with some tips too. Am taking my mother in law who's over from Australia, to spend Christmas with my family. The problem - my mother in law is very quiet and doesn't drink, whereas my family can barely stand by lunchtime thanks to my stepfather's cocktail making skills. Throw in a new baby, two toddlers and my auntie's odd lodger who bores everyone with his stories about cars and I think we have a fantastic Christmas in the making!
Go out for a walk...cabin fever always sparks the biggest rows. Also make sure everyone has something to do and take loads of games. Also maybe all agree some boundaries/rules....dinner is served at a specific time and set up a rota of cooking/cleaning. Good luck.....my family drive me potty and my reserve is to hide somewhere with a bottle of wine!

Surely because you are breastfeeding, you'll be too tired to do any cooking, cleaning, washing up at all? Just sit back and make everyone wait on you.

Similarly - lots of breaks to bedroom to "feed baby" or even to "have a lie down", with book, ipod, hidden stash of chocolates.

hehe great thread


I've recently developed a real need for long baths to sooth something or other, it always tends to come on when visiting relatives!


At the inlaws we do quite well, there are normally so many of them at Christmas, that after a few drinks you can wander off on your own for several hours before anyone realises you've gone!


K

Just read a good tip in Good Housekeeping (promise not my usual read!).


Write the Christmas chores (that you'd be comfortable with someone else doing) on scraps of paper and put them in a hat. Each guest has to pick a chore out of a hat. Bit of a game and it keeps them busy/useful.


Think I'll def. be trying that one!

I'm going to need to find evidence that:

1. a hammock is not bad for a baby's back

2. babies do not need to sleep all the time

3. breastfeeding two children is not going to harm anybody


so that I can back myself up!


I'm sure there's more- need to prepare....

Haha Helen so true! I get from my MIL that she feels she doesn't really know her grandson because he 'sleeps a lot'. Total rot, he has about 2 hours in total in the day in 2 naps, oh and that he is needy because he is breastfed :X


Can I just ask, do you think it is ok for me to insist that this year we have a christmas at home without visitors? For the last 15 years I have gone back to my husbands family for Christmas (my lot are hopeless/all over the place/not bothered about xmas), and last year they came to ours - it was the worst Christmas I've ever had. I was 8 months pregnant, had toddler as well, did so much cooking and they didn't lift a finger. In fact they were deliberately lazy and unhelpful because we didn't go back to theirs (MIL loves a mind game). Anyway, this year I've said to my husband I want Christmas and Boxing day at home and then we will hit the road and go back to his parents (2.5hrs away) and visit some of my lot. Is that fair? My hubby is in a grump about it because he wants to go back home.....I'm knackered with 2 kids under 2 and not slept for more than a few hours in about a year and just want to kick back and relax with my immediate family. Is anyone else staying at home with just the kids and then visiting family? Hubby keeps making me feel like I am being unreasonable :(

Poor you Gussy, you are not being unreasonable at all. Every other year with the in-laws is more than enough for me (and vice versa for Mr Smiler with my family)! Tell him to stop whinging (or put him on here and we will!) >:D<


Poor Helen GV - there seems to be a big anti-breastfeeding thing with older generations, like we're choosing to breastfeed as a deliberate ploy to exclude everyone else. Grrr.


Anyone got a good response to endless "bitty" jokes?!

Since we had our daughter we didn't go to either family but stayed at home - so much better. Gussy, definitely tell him you're not going anywhere! Also a chance to establish your own family traditions (not that that is likely to work with your MIL as a reason why you're not there!). Hope to see you in the park on Christmas Day!

Gussy - we're doing exactly that this year, we've never had christmas in our own home, or even in London, we always end up trying to go to both sets of family and slots in grandparents too (Surrey, Devon, Glos) spemd the whole time on trains or stuck in traffic, lugging massive bags around and getting exhusted. We're putting our feet down this year and it'll be just the 3 of us on Christmas day!


K

Have had this a couple of times, haven't retorted but maybe

'haha that NEVER gets old does it'

or 'as long as he's potty trained by the time he goes away to uni'


my in-laws speak French and I don't so luckily I miss a lot of criticism anyway, blissful ignorance...


>

> Anyone got a good response to endless "bitty"

> jokes?!

> Write the Christmas chores (that you'd be

> comfortable with someone else doing) on scraps of

> paper and put them in a hat. Each guest has to

> pick a chore out of a hat. Bit of a game and it

> keeps them busy/useful.


...and mark the chore you want and offer to pick from the hat first.

We stayed at home, just the (then) 3 of us for Christmas a couple of years back - thought it would be nice/ good to start own traditions etc. To be honest, I thought it was a bit sad and dull. I think I'd rather spend an imperfect day with whomever's family/ friends/ random collections of people than staying on our own. But, then again, I quite like my family on both sides. Even if the in laws do feed me strange English Christmas food (prawn cocktail: vom!) and sickly sweet German wine.....

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • I've never got Christmas pudding. The only times I've managed to make it vaguely acceptable to people is thus: Buy a really tiny one when it's remaindered in Tesco's. They confound carbon dating, so the yellow labelled stuff at 75% off on Boxing Day will keep you going for years. Chop it up and soak it in Stones Ginger Wine and left over Scotch. Mix it in with a decent vanilla ice cream. It's like a festive Rum 'n' Raisin. Or: Stick a couple in a demijohn of Aldi vodka and serve it to guests, accompanied by 'The Party's Over' by Johnny Mathis when people simply won't leave your flat.
    • Not miserable at all! I feel the same and also want to complain to the council but not sure who or where best to aim it at? I have flagged it with our local MP and one Southwark councillor previously but only verbally when discussing other things and didn’t get anywhere other than them agreeing it was very frustrating etc. but would love to do something on paper. I think they’ve been pretty much every night for the last couple of weeks and my cat is hating it! As am I !
    • That is also a Young's pub, like The Cherry Tree. However fantastic the menu looks, you might want to ask exactly who will cook the food on the day, and how. Also, if  there is Christmas pudding on the menu, you might want to ask how that will be cooked, and whether it will look and/or taste anything like the Christmas puddings you have had in the past.
    • This reminds me of a situation a few years ago when a mate's Dad was coming down and fancied Franklin's for Christmas Day. He'd been there once, in September, and loved it. Obviously, they're far too tuned in to do it, so having looked around, £100 per head was pretty standard for fairly average pubs around here. That is ridiculous. I'd go with Penguin's idea; one of the best Christmas Day lunches I've ever had was at the Lahore Kebab House in Whitechapel. And it was BYO. After a couple of Guinness outside Franklin's, we decided £100 for four people was the absolute maximum, but it had to be done in the style of Franklin's and sourced within walking distance of The Gowlett. All the supermarkets knock themselves out on veg as a loss leader - particularly anything festive - and the Afghani lads on Rye Lane are brilliant for more esoteric stuff and spices, so it really doesn't need to be pricey. Here's what we came up with. It was considerably less than £100 for four. Bread & Butter (Lidl & Lurpak on offer at Iceland) Mersea Oysters (Sopers) Parsnip & Potato Soup ( I think they were both less than 20 pence a kilo at Morrisons) Smoked mackerel, Jerseys, watercress & radish (Sopers) Rolled turkey breast joint (£7.95 from Iceland) Roast Duck (two for £12 at Lidl) Mash  Carrots, star anise, butter emulsion. Stir-fried Brussels, bacon, chestnuts and Worcestershire sauce.(Lidl) Clementine and limoncello granita (all from Lidl) Stollen (Lidl) Stichelton, Cornish Cruncher, Stinking Bishop. (Marks & Sparks) There was a couple of lessons to learn: Don't freeze mash. It breaks down the cellular structure and ends up more like a French pomme purée. I renamed it 'Pomme Mikael Silvestre' after my favourite French centre-half cum left back and got away with it, but if you're not amongst football fans you may not be so lucky. Tasted great, looked like shit. Don't take the clementine granita out of the freezer too early, particularly if you've overdone it on the limoncello. It melts quickly and someone will suggest snorting it. The sugar really sticks your nostrils together on Boxing Day. Speaking of 'lost' Christmases past, John Lewis have hijacked Alison Limerick's 'Where Love Lives' for their new advert. Bastards. But not a bad ad.   Beansprout, I have a massive steel pot I bought from a Nigerian place on Choumert Road many years ago. It could do with a work out. I'm quite prepared to make a huge, spicy parsnip soup for anyone who fancies it and a few carols.  
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...