Oh my god I can't take it anymore

[RosieH]

The guy sitting opposite me in the office slurps and chews loudly, with his mouth open and a disgusting lip slapping salivery sort of noise. And it's INCESSANT.

What can I do, short of defenestration? My ipod has run out of juice.

Anyone in HR have experience of tackling this delicate subject? You eat like a pig and make everyone around you want to throw up - is that an acceptable way to talk to people?

[DJKillaQueen]

Just put a bag over his head.

[LordshipLovely]

On a similar note, what do you do if it's a close friend?

Lovely girl, can't bring myself to confront her about it.

[Jah Lush]

If it's a friend just tell 'em. They'll thank you for pointing out their disgusting habit in the long run. With a work colleague just politely ask them to please eat with their mouth shut. If they ignore you and carry on....kill them.

[PeckhamRose]

Do the same thing right in front of him. With the messiest food you can think of with something that stains.

Clear your desk and accidentally spit something out on to his.

When he complains, tell him you were following his example.

[Dickensman]

Film him and play it back.

[Narnia]

Imagine you work in a zoo and he's just a hippo having lunch. You'll feel better I'm sure.

[PeckhamRose]

Dickensman that is brilliant.

Use a spypen or something then put it on YouTube.

[Narnia]

.........and tell all his friends?

[ImpetuousVrouw]

Lol, never thought you'd be stuck for words RosieH!

[Brendan]

Wait until they leave their desk to go to get a coffee or have a wee. Get up and take their laptop off their desk. When they return beat them to death with their own laptop.

This obviously doesn't work if you use PCs in your office in which case you may have to send them a polite note.

[TillieTrotter]

It's a tricky one, I have a very dear friend who eats like that and I hate it but just can't bring it up. Also my dad does it but not in a restaurant!!!!!

[felt-tip]

I eat like that and id stop if someone had the balls to tell me.

[TillieTrotter]

Consider yourself told you filthy pig!(6)

[citizenED]

Rosie, with your " What can I do, short of defenestration?" I have a new word to post on the Favourite Word thread.

This solution has been offered before in cases like this; print out this thread and leave on his desk.

[katie1997]

You could try poisoning the filthy, ill-mannered, despicable pig.

Or hire an electronics expert (if you're not one already) and wire up his desk so that he receives an electric shock every time he dribbles or makes a sound.

Ugh. I share your pain. Hope someone in HR can offer constructive help.

[Huguenot]

Never quite sure with girls whether they actually want a solution, or they just want to talk about it.

Best and least offensive solution is the statue game. When they start eating, tip the wink to your mates, throw a shape and hold it.

No harsh words need to be exchanged, but it makes the transgressor very self-conscious. That's what you want really, to make the spatter sluncher aware of their impact on other people.

If you just want to vent, well, I guess pooing on their keyboard will drive them out.

[womanofdulwich]

get HR or manager to issue a no - eating at your desks instruction company wide for health and safety reasons. then you can openly discuss what a good idea you think this is as people eating at desks can be noisy and off putting. this will air all your concerns before th no - eating is overturned- or maybe not?

[RosieH]

Huguenot, this statue thing is an interesting approach. And well done you for recognising the female desire to vent and the apposite response of "bastards, poor you, there there" rather than infuriating practical solutions.

However, in this instance it is a bit of both. I was about to explode and needed to rant, but also would like serious advice, because I might kill him if I don't say something.

But need to say it in the right way as he's a very sensitive soul and I have to work with him (only on Monday, when he twice didn't listen to my instructions on how to use my phone, he called my sick mum by accident at 6.45am - she thought someone had died. When I wasn't pleased, he got very moody and told me I was going to live a very lonely life and have no friends if I was so unpleasant to everyone).

Sadly working with a tiny organisation at the moment - there are 6 of us - so no HR department to tackle unpalatable issues.

Oh god, just re-read this. Man, I sound peevish. But we've reached that point in our relationship where the very way he breathes makes me want to commit acts of wanton violence. I think I need a nice mug of warm milk.

[Tarot]

Take a video recording of him on your phone, and show him later. If that dont work put a pig plaque on his desk as a

secret Santa present.

[Twirly]

Buy him a bib for Christmas? ;-)

Although on a more serious note, a direct approach is probably best. Men don't get hints (sorry guys!). Taking a video on your phone is a good idea though, as when he denies that he does it, you have the evidence to prove it.

[Moos]

Huguenot Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Never quite sure with girls whether they actually

> want a solution, or they just want to talk about

> it.

>

Ha ha, the gender communication divide neatly encapsulated in a sentence!

[giggirl]

Sympathies Rosie. I once sat opposite a guy who had some pretty nasty personal habits (let's leave it at that). It took me the longest time to pluck up courage to speak to ask him to cease and desist and it honestly didn't go well. Good luck though.

[karter]

Hugue is just cruel.

RosieH, just speak your mind, you know you can do it.

[womanofdulwich]

only 6 of you ? I know a manager that says she is going to fung shui ( sorry about spelling) the office every say 6 months and moves everyone around. I think you should have a word with your manager about that and make sure everyone moves.