ED Yummy Mummies? What about the Tubby Hubbies ??!!

[MrTwirly]

perhaps it's just me but I've noticed something "odd" about East Dulwich. Packs of strange creatures , hybrid chimera of fully grown women, crying babies and mechanical strollers! I always knew ED was a hive for Yummy mummies but I've never noticed just how predatory and territorial they are!

I'm neither yummy, nor a mummy , I'm not even a daddy , but I am a Hubby and rather Tubby. And on my days off I decided that I'd go to a cafe for a latte and perhaps a mozzarella and pesto ciabatta (being the metrosexual bohemian bourgeois that I am ;p)

but no !.. Every cafe (other than the greasy spoons.. which are populated by Sun reading white van driving builders and decorators) is crammed with groups of YumMums and their offspring. Pity help you if you're a single man trying to get a coffee somewhere as on several attempts, on numerous days, at different locations I have found that you walk in and you're met by glowering, disproving stares from the assembled masses (what is the collective noun for a group of Yummy Mummies? A Cr?che perhaps?)

I have noticed that you (as a single bloke) are made to feel most unwelcome .. and this has been the case at the Blue brick cafe, the Blue mountain cafe and the surprisingly un-blue Old Electrical Shop cafe on Peckham Rye... It's actually quite uncomfortable and they really don't make you feel welcome at all.. I'd go as far to say that they actually go out of their way to make you feel unwelcome.

Anyone else spotted this?

[Narnia]

I'd like to see ya post this in the family section Mr.Twirly. Ya wouldn't last 10 minutes.

[????]

SO in summary, you're scared of Yummies and White Van man

[Mick Mac]

My daughter tells me I'm the fattest dad in east dulwich. But she has not met Declan yet.

[Loz]

???? Wrote:

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> SO in summary, you're scared of Yummies and White

> Van man

Well the Yummies/MILFs are pretty bloody terrifying. Most of them carting around a small number of Weapons of Mass Destruction (aged 2 to 4) that they think are God's gift to the future of the world, when actually most of the are going to grow up to be accountants.

[retreats to concrete bunker]

[Mick Mac]

You can't say MILF on a family forum. Have some decency man.

[Michael Palaeologus]

The subject of the enormous quantity of young Mothers has often been discussed.

They are to be congratulated on their fertility.

[Loz]

What? Mothers in Long Frocks? What's wrong with that? B)

[Keef]

To be fair to the OP, if that is his experience, then that is his experience. Frankly, he sounds a bit soft, but there you go.

[Mick Mac]

Loz Wrote:

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> What? Mothers in Long Frocks? What's wrong with

> that? B)

Good retort Loz. I suspect you had that ready.

[karter]

MrTwirly, fair do's really. You should check out the Chandelier's morrocan room, you wont be too tubby to fit through the spiral staircase.

ED- fertility central. Michael put it nicely.

[citizenED]

But MrTwirly should not be going, on his own, to le cafe. He should be going to the Pub.

[pablogrande]

You should pop down to peckham and check out the Ginsters spinsters

[womanofdulwich]

Cant you go to your club?????????????

[Scribe]

I need to do a song of great, socially ascending import!

It goes like this:

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand new Pushchair?

My friends all push strollers, it's so damn unfair.

Worked hard all my 20's, no help from my chums,

So Lord, won't you put me, ahead of those mums?

Oh Lord, I need a mortgage, with a fixed guaruntee.

Finding the collateral, ain't a problem for me.

I'll wait for the phone call each day until three,

So Lord, won't ya put me, on the prop-er-ty tree?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the lane?

I'm counting on you, Lord, I'm goin' insane.

Prove that you love me and buy the next round,

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?

Everybody now!

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand-new Pushchair?

My friends all push strollers, it's so damn unfair.

Worked hard all my 20's, no help from my chums,

So Lord, won't you put me, ahead of those mums?

[ratty]

Lol. What Keef said! Man Up!

[Polly D]

MrTwirly: they're not scowling at you unwelcomingly: they are probably not even noticing you at all. But if they do, it could be out of envy of your table for one for a single tubster, free from the shackles of a super buggy.

[Brendan]

If you aren?t genuinely afraid of women, all women, you?re a fool or an insane.

[legalbeagle]

Oh just grow a pair would you! Stomp in, slam fist on table, glare at the small people and demand coffee. Simples.

[Mick Mac]

Its the children that I find scary. Especially my own.

[Keef]

Like it Scribe.

[karter]

legalbeagle Wrote:

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> Oh just grow a pair would you! Stomp in, slam fist

> on table, glare at the small people and demand

> coffee. Simples.

I always do this down in G&B and works every time. Good advice that. :))

[MrTwirly]

citizenED Wrote:

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> But MrTwirly should not be going, on his own, to

> le cafe. He should be going to the Pub.

fine advice that.. BIG problem though.. I'm Tea Total ;) .. Going to a pub and sitting there on your ownsome with a glass of J2O gets you even more funny looks ;)

legalbeagle Wrote:

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> Oh just grow a pair would you! Stomp in, slam fist

> on table, glare at the small people and demand

> coffee. Simples.

ratty Wrote:

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> Lol. What Keef said! Man Up!

Keef Wrote:

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> Frankly, he sounds a bit soft, but there you go.

Lol.. Soft ? yes Guilty as charged.. But this thread was started with tongue planted very firmly in cheek.

It's not so much the glowering, it really doesn't bother me that much. It's the fact that you can't get in for love nor money . everywhere is full and if You DO happen to get in .. heaven help you if you ask a mother to move her pushchair so you can get to the last unoccupied table ..

It was a semi jokey observation on the cafe's in ED. There are three distict "client?le" I've observed. The decent coffee shops/ cafes are populated with Yummy Mummies. The greasy spoons are populated by White van drivers discussing football , rugby and the physical dimensions of the current page 3 model ;) And the likes of Cafe Nero and Starbucks and the such.. you're lucky if you can get a table with all the Apple MacBook using Hotdeskers nursing their Grande Skinny Lattes for 4 hours while they suck up every byte of available band width ;)

Take what I write with a pinch of salt ;) I can type (but can't speak) with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek ;)

[Moos]

I'll buy you a coffee, MrTwirly!

[regalia]

Keef wrote:- Like it Scribe.

I guess that excellent effort of the scribbler,

will be cut as your fist hard-rock single of 2011 Keef:))