Night Nanny - good idea?

[Ellie78]

We're having real difficulty with Sleep and our 4wk old son - yes, I hear you cry, doesn't everyone.

Well, we can't get him to sleep half the nights of the week - he will only sleep in a buggy - and I'm so exhausted I can't function at all.

Someone suggested a night nanny to me - I can say that the appeal of a few nights uninterrupted sleep is starting to override issues of frugality but part of me doesn't see the point of it, because the same problem will rear its head after departure of NN (who we could only afford for a few nights, and that would be a real stretch at the moment). I'd be sold if I knew that a NN might educate me/help me establish a better pattern with our son.

Has anyone used a NN and found that it helps sort out sleeping issues, or break a bad cycle? Or will it just get me some kip? Shall I just wait it out and hope that he gets better....

[mima08]

Hiya,

I did not have a nightnanny (beyond financial reach) but can really sympathize: I thought I was going to go crazy with the lack of sleep. However, I did get a lovely lady to come 1x week to take my LO for the afternoon so that I could get some sleep. She was a trained doula & very recommended so I felt confident letting her look after him. And one night a week my husband would do all the night duties. The very knowledge that I would get some sleep at a specific time helped hugely - and was affordable over a longer period than just a couple of nights.

4 weeks is probably too early to be talking about habits and sorting out sleep issues, but there are things you can do to make life a little easier, e.g.co-sleeping works great for some; we had a moses basket on a rocking stand - that helped, baby massage helped with relaxation (me as much as LO) and pulling in help from anybody & everybody. I really hope things get better soon - and they WILL definitely get better!

mx

[midivydale]

Ob i hear you! For us a night nanny wasnt an option long term financially so this is how we coped instead.

A cleaner (made me relax more knowing this was off my shoulders)

I did no cooking (hubby did everything for the next day once home frm work)

I went to bed at 8 every night and hubby was on duty until midnight. I could manage on those 4 hrs if i had to, but having block sleep was key.

In short i found that if most other things were taken away frm me ie cooking and cleaning i coped much better.

We didnt have family around to help but muddled through as best as we could.

[Ellie78]

thanks guys!

good advice - we cant really afford it but i am desperate so bit thinking long term. these are great slternatives - still considering it tho...

out of interest, when did things get better for you? anything thst tells me this isnt a fundamental of my son's personality would be gratefully received.

[midivydale]

Ellie,

I really feel for you, my son never really slept at all in the beginning and i was in tears frm exhaustion most days and nights. When you are in the middle of it it seems as it will never end. It doesnt help either when you meet other mums with babies that sleep "for hours an end"... I used to choke back tears when i heard about mums who had to wake their babies for a night feed etc.

For me it got better around 12 weeks, considerably better. As in i can manage and enjoy my son now. I know that feels like an eternity now but it may happen sooner alot of people say 6-8 weeks.

We started with a solid bedtime routine at 4 weeks and whilst it was too early for him to appreciate it at the time i am sure that is why he goes down so easily now at 4 mnths.

My advice would be to do what you have to in order to get through this time and remember "this too shall pass".

[Convex]

Hi Ellie,

Just seconding the other people above who say knowing you had a block of sleep coming up helped me cope with the lack of sleep. For me it was a morning nap where my husband got up with the baby for as long as he could before going to work, usually it was about an hour I think.

And I agree the longer term help might be more helpful in the long run, eg cleaner once a fortnight, maybe some mothers help for an hour every couple of days to clear the dishes, cook a meal, etc.

Sorry to hear you are so exhausted... I seem to remember thinking things were a lot better at 10 weeks.

Also, if you have a group of mum friends, we got a cheap double pram and (actually it was free and only cost was to fix it up a bit) we can take each others babies for walks while one mother sleeps. We have only used it a handful of times but I think if we had had it in the early days we would have used it a lot more!

[Strawbs]

Ellie - we almost hired a night nanny as my son didn't sleep at all.!my partner did 9-12 so I could get 3 hours sleep and then I'd be on shift 12-6. At 6 I'd pass the torch over and grab a shower, coffee and breakfast so I at least felt a bit human. We started sleep training at about 4-5 months as I was desperate, he was waking every 45 mins all night long. I don't want to fill you with dread as my son has severe reflux and a cows milk protein allergy and hated his milk but it's only now at 9 month he is waking once a night..

It will get better I promise.. Just do whatever you can to get through and make it easier for yourself. Getting out daily and getting some fresh air really helps too x

[Fuschia]

Ellie, have you ruled out problems like reflux? Does he sleep ok in the day, is it just night time? Do you have a battery operated swing? How is his feeding/pooing?

[oimissus]

you don't say how you're feeding him, but I would recommend if you're breastfeeding to have a go expressing and a bottle - if you know your husband can do night feeds that will help no end. We didn't persevere with the bottle which I totally regretted - didn't have the same sleep issues but I felt that I could barely leave my child just in case she was hungry as no-one else could feed her, which I found exhausting in itself. I really hope one or some of these suggestions help! Good luck x

[KatsuQueen]

Hi just to reinforce what others have said about getting a block of sleep if possible, it really helps. In the early days, I used to go to bed at 8 while my husband was on duty till midnight.

[alieh]

Also just a suggestion to keep an eye on other symptoms of reflux and/or food intolerance as extreme fussiness and lack of sleep could be linked to discomfort/pain.

And an emphatic THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR SON'S PERSONALITY! I was always worried about this too. Son #2 was a bad sleeper for most of the first year (dairy intolerance) and then a switch flicked and he is now beyond amazing.

And when I say he was a bad sleeper for most of the first year, I mean he was waking a few times a night every night. There were a few months of extreme night wakings (months 4-7 were really bad) but even during those I was managing ~4-5 hours sleep.

So the utter extremes of sleep deprivation you're facing now are very temporary and will get at least a bit better within a matter of weeks probably (especially if there's an underlying issue you can resolve re: pain or discomfort).

[Gooders79]

Think it depends... Night nannies can be great from what I've heard however it's not quite clear what might be the contributing to the cause of your situation. What happens overnight? Is it very short bouts of sleep or no sleep at all? Is there anything that helps to settle him? Feeding, rocking, cuddling? You say he sleeps well in the pram is is fully flat or slightly raised? Does he have to be moving in the pram or not? How long is he sleeping during the day? Have you tried swaddling or a swing?

I think some of the strategies for getting more rest suggested above are great and worth looking at but I think it might be worth looking at why a bit more... Good luck, this is an awful and difficult time but it will get better, use whatever support you have...

[Ellie78]

Ok- typing this left handed on iPhone so hope it makes sense.

A is exclusively bf - good at it and tracking the 50th percentile. He's nearing 10lbs.

He cluster feeds quite a bit, I manage to meet that.

He will sleep roughly 2-4 hours between 11 and 4 depending, in 2 stretches. After that, forget it.

He only sleeps in a moving buggy (bee, so very slightly raised) during the day. I've tried swaddling - once I got him down for 30 mins but that was after an hour of rocking and shushing. Otherwise swaddling incites rage.

I havnt noticed any symptoms of reflux. He had bad wind but I think I solved that with gripe,

He is horrifically overtired (slept about 2 hours since 6am) and rages but I think he thinks he's hungry.

Rocking and shushing tend to make no impact.

He will fall asleep on my boyfriend sometimes but we r not cosleeping- too nervous.

Thank you so much for ur responses.Helpd so much to know he's not unusual! I got out and about 2 wks after he was born and really worried that I've overstimulated him and established bad associations.

.

[jennyh]

I really feel for you and echo what everyone else says. My daughter was a pretty bad sleeper and wouldnt settle when she was really little and it was hellish. Like others I went to bed super early, my other half did a bottle feed around 10/11 and then I was on duty for the night. Your relationship goes out of the window but then you both need sleep and rest to function so you can get that back on track when the time comes! My daughter had a dummy which really helped for a few weeks but when she was about 14 weeks we took it away because she became so dependent on it that she woke every 30 mins when it fell out. For some I have heard that dummies were very successful and really not the end of the world when it comes to habit forming, frankly if something helps now I would say use it and deal with the aftermath later.

We did sleep training when we felt we knew her hunger cues well enough and then she became a great sleeper until about 7 months when she decided it was more fun to be awake in the night...she is now 17 months and has periods of being great and awful, always connected to teething, illness, clinginess, sensitivity etc.

At 4 weeks your little one is getting used to being in the world and everything is so new, it really isn't a case of this being the way he is and he will change for sure. In my limited knowledge they seem to become a bit better around 3 months (in the case of my 12 week neice this has certainly been the case...lots of unsettled evenings and nights, masses of screaming, hating the moses basket, wanting cuddles all the time, cluster feeding etc. Hits 11 weeks and suddenly slots into place a bit better.) Obviously all babies are different but I think that you will find it naturally comes to a better place. Obviously weeks probably sounds like it is too long for you to wait. The other thing is that your hormones will be all over the place (no-one ever warned me about how lousy and tearful I would feel!) and that doesnt settle down for a few more weeks. After that you really do hit a natural stride, and you will feel more capable of dealing with a few hours of sleep as your body gets used to it. Like others have said, forget the house chores that need doing for the time being as you need rest and lean on your other half for lots of support.

It WILL get better, all babies I know have had their various issues with sleep but as a parent you do get coping strategies and can deal with them and the associated exhaustion much better.

[Fuschia]

Have you come across Harvey Karp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l21kbipjCBs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Try borrowing a battery swing, see if that helps?

Give cosleeping a try? It can have miraculous effects

In this warm weather you wouldn't even need covers. Just sleep on a firm surface, mother and baby, no covers or light sheet to your waist, one small square cushion under your head. If you google 'breast feed lying down' and can find a comfortable position, it might be a big breakthrough to how much sleep you get.

In m experience, none of my babies liked being alone. They liked lying skin to akin with me. Once I gave up trying to argue my corner, sleep ensued for both parties (and all three of us, even, when I had twins)

Hope you can find something that helps. It will ease bit by bit, as he gets older, anyway

X

[uptime]

We got a maternity nurse in between 3 and 5 weeks because like you I was going to pieces. Costs of a maternity nurse and night nanny was about the same but the maternity nurse basically moves into your house and can help with other stuff during the day. It did help but more from the perspective of getting more sleep rather than training. The baby was brought into me for BFs but I didn't have to do any of the changing or settling. It cost a fortune but a small price to pay for my sanity. When she left I did panic about the situation reverting but the baby was that bit older by then and could take on more milk so the time between feeds got longer and hence I got more sleep. I found that and the introduction of a night time routine at about 10 weeks were the real turning points for me in terms of sleep issues.

[dulwichgirl2]

In addition to the options mentioned (express, share the night with your husband, co-sleeping etc.) I would add - don't run around (as I constantly did!) during the day, don't have legions of people round, don't make work for yourself and don't stress about a mess in the house, depressing though it is. Also, if you can sleep when the baby sleeps, great (I never could but do try..) as the sleep deprivation mothers put up with is inhumane in my view and the sort of thing that subsequent more assertive generations simply will not accept.

[scareyt]

Hi I would also say cosleeping & feeding lying down is really worth a try. My LO would literally only sleep if he was right next to me when he was tiny so we just went with it. You can always change things later if you don't want to do it long term but it might really help you all get some sleep while he's little. Good luck and it does get better!

[sian]

hi tried nn first time but wasnt supportive of breastfeeding and also was quite demanding food etc so felt like it added to our load at the time.

Second time round, got some help from an organisation called Millpond - at chi chi medical practice in Earlsfield but was excellent.

[sian]

and with the link. All best wishes

http://www.mill-pond.co.uk/

[Crokes]

Not used Millpond consultants but the Millpond book has some useful tips (and options depending on your parenting style). Although unfortunately the book doesn't really give solutions for newborns (more tips and an understanding about what's going on with their sleep/lack of sleep!).

Having looked at their website this link they provide is written by one of their experts and helpful for newborn stuff (but not a complete solution unfortunately).

http://mumstreet.co.uk/content/your-baby/sleep/newborn-sleep-and-what-to-expect/

Good luck and hang in there.

[Saffron]

If your LO likes sleeping in a moving buggy during the day, have you thought of using a baby hammock at night? We used an Amby hammock. I recently saw one in the Famiy classifieds section. xx

[alieh]

I have an Amby hammock I'd be happy to lend. Amby + dummy + hairdryer white noise made a huge difference for my two at that age.

[Moos]

I'm afraid I can't offer any useful advice but just wanted to say good luck and hang in there. I remember very well the exhaustion and despair (as well as the love and wonder) of the early weeks of my first and wondering what this 'babymoon' was. I don't think it helps that sometimes people talk about getting your baby into habits which fills one with worry - in my experience, babies change all the time, and you don't have to worry at all - you can address any 'habits' when the baby is a little older and when you have the strength.

Good luck - there's some really good advice on the thread: take any help and rest you can, give yourself a break and remind yourself that by loving your baby you're doing everything that you need to be doing.

[Smiler]

Sympathy, have been there.

Are you feeding on-demand at night? My two wanted feeding loads in the night at that size, apparently cluster feeding in the night happens at certain stages to stimulate the milk supply, and takes a good couple of months for the supply to build up etc. It does pass!

Don't think a night nanny would be useful if you want to bfeed, as no-one can do that but you if there're multiple feeds a night. The other forms of help mentioned here might be better, also agree with getting checked for reflux if extra feeding doesn't work.