Quiet room...

[dulwichmum]

Wafts into Quiet Room.

"I have just left a meeting, so boring, that I was ready to gnaw off my PA's arm. OHMYGOD. Pass the gin" (flutters eyelashes)...

[KalamityKel]

*stomps into room in a huff and sits self down in quiet corner to sulk*

[bigbadwolf]

Oh Kel, whatever could be the matter? Can I do or fetch anything to quell your temper?

[karter]

yes, why is Kel huffing and puffing like a big bad wolf?

[KalamityKel]

im currently at a loss 4 words on the matter ta

[dulwichmum]

Here you are Kalam, have some gin, a large one... Hell, have the bottle.

Some poor person is trying to sell off their Crocs in the Wanted,Offered and Recommended area. This recession is really starting to bite!

[red devil]

*Leaves note next to last remaining bottle of gin*

Dear DulwichMum, we would be honoured if you would grace us with your presence and be our special guest of honour on the Grand Opening night of the revamped bar - Shenanigans - on 1st August @ 8.00pm;

Happy Hour 8-9pm - all gin drinks 2 for 1;

First 50 customers free botle of gin;

Complimentary G&T with every chicken in a basket order;

Free entry to prize draw - Win a case of gin!

RSVP...

[dulwichmum]

Picks up note and reads aloud. Takes pack of Smythson notelets and gold Cross fountain pen from enormous status handbag and writes:

Darling red devil,

How very kind! I can think of nothing that would give me more pleasure. However, sadly I shall be in Wales, retrieving my poppets from the my monster-in-law's lair. I shall send the housekeeper along instead. She has been stealing my gin for years, you are bound to make stacks of cash from her. I shall visit very soon though!

Best,

DM x

[????]

*storms in throws billiards cue at fireplace, smashes recently reglued 1920s vase*

STUPID GAME

*storms out slamming door*

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Hah! Anyone else man enough to take me on?

[red devil]

*'BANG!'...accidentally steps onto lonely looking party balloon.

Puts binbag full of empties out for the dustmen, and leaves note out for cleaners to clean up vomit stained Cath Kidson 'easy clean fabric' covered Chaise Longue.

Spies what looks like an item of ladies undergarment, hanging from the stags head over the fireplace...'Victoria's Secret', takes a closer look at what appears to be a monogram...'DM - This Way Up!'...*

[dulwichmum]

Wafts into quiet room with long suffering housekeeper who is pushing industrial vacuum cleaner and wearing yellow Marigold gloves". Glances over at red devil and notices he is holding some red acrylic undergarments.

"OHMYGOD! Hold it the right way up man and put on your glasses. Let me see... it says "MP" - indicating that this item is owned by Michael Paleogolopodopadus. I NEVER wear man made fibres,and he adores wearing this type of thing. Anyhow, I am a married lady" (scowls and stomps foot).

"Albena, get scrubbing, now where did I put my dog stunner?"

[Muley]

Leaves assortment of drinks on bar- chilled vintage champagne, bottle of gin, chilled six-pack of Special Brew- with note "For DM ONLY"

[????]

*Looks at Red Devil and MP in a whose going to be the first to make a move manner, rues BBW's abscence*

[daizie]

fcuk it . Im having that, opens the Champagne

[????]

*grabs Special Brew*

[red devil]

*Thinks 'no, not the gin again!'...*

[Muley]

I tried DM, really I did, but you see what I'm up against...

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Och Aye the Noo my wee pals. Krivens! I have just returned from Edinburgh, do you like my kilt? The baby pink and chocolate tartan and empire line is quite the thing with the Japanese clansmen gathered on the Royal Mile eating traditional haggis in a basket and traditional Scottish Ice-cream as made by Paulo McGelato"

"As DM well knows I do not wear any form of intimate garmet next to my nethers, no matter who it is owned by"

"Gimme a pink Gin"

[red devil]

'Bring back any shortbread with you Mikey?, I need a dunk...'

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Ate the shortbread. Fancy some Tablet? Traditionally handmade in Beijing apparently"

[red devil]

*DM waltzes into room and 'accidentally' brushes up against MP's sporran...''hope you didn't catch a chill in the Trossachs young Michael''.. and commences to down in one the remaining half bottle of gin*...

[dulwichmum]

Red Devil dear heart - I am well capable of speaking for myself. The only part of me that ever brushes agains MP's sporran is my dog stunner!

Pass the Krug...

[red devil]

There you go DM, I hear that MP has got a rather nice Pointer, would you like a mixer with that?..

[Muley]

Bounces up to MP on orange 70's retro space-hopper and makes a grab for his haggis. At the last minute hits a discarded broken gin bottle on the floor and punctures space-hopper, missing the haggis.

Feels deflated.