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Arrives just as food is finished, laiden down with a half dozen Grande Latte's, and large bag of Starbucks Blueberry cheesecake. Ana walks behind carrying enormous handbag. Sits in aubergine velvet armchair next to Ant, while Ana distributes goodies (to Mr Capt Birdseye, Mr CrystalClear, Ant, Mark, Keef) and leaves. Smiles contentedly to self, picks up plate and fork.......

*Having nearly drowned due to missing beer incentive, makes mental note to hurt Crystal at first available opportunity....*


*Enjoys cheesecake, and decides to take a nap in the hope that the stomach ache will go away*


*Dreams about drinking beer, and hitting Crystal over the head with giant fish finger*

*Stirs awake with a rumble to find burning notice has set fire to tartan carpet slippers.*


*Leaps up with a howl, careers through patio doors and falls backwards into pool*


*Floats in soggy dressing gown, wonders why the pool water tastes like contents of a cocktail bar drip tray*

Stands up, has a little stretch(ette) takes enormous handbag to changing cubicle and emerges in stunning white Calvin Klein bikini and sarong..... admires spray tan in full length mirror, walks to sun lounger by pool placing enormous white rimed sunglasses in hair. Decides not to bother with a swim as it makes hair frizz, and instead pads off to Rancho Relaxo for a cold drink with chums (still not drinking alcohol for Lent).

*Enters room, looking pale having spent night sleeping on pool table in Rancho Relaxo*


*Spots Dulwichmum, and holds up blackberry*


*Gives blackberry to DM, and smiles sheepishly, as can't quite remember what happened in Rancho Relaxo*


*Heads outside for a refreshing wake up swim...... Hopes the pool has been cleaned!!!*

Looks up delighted to see Mr Keef and my lost appliance. Mouths the words 'Thank you' and smiles. Checks Blackberry for text or email messages from husband James who has skidaddled to Cheltenham National Hunt Festival 'Its work darling, you know I won't enjoy myself'. No messages - grrrrrrrrrrr.


Takes briming hot latte to friend Mr Keef by poolside. Changes into multi coloured 'Pucci' one piece swim suit, straw hat and sunglasses. Mischeviously cans the pool side for Mr Batdog.

Shakes head in amazement at the contents of DM's swimwear wardrobe.

Wonders whether she is trying dissuade regarding the impending marriage with tales of husband abandonment.

Wishes the bottle of 14.5% Rioja had stayed in the wine rack.

Groans in despair at the mountains of work and belly flops into the pool, narrowly missing what looks suspiciously like 'someone' doing the doggy paddle ... could it be ... ?

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