a joke

[Keef]

An old favourite of mine...

An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar in Covent Garden one night, having a beer.

All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says:

"In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, and not to be outdone, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says:

"Well mate, in 'Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Englishman, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says:

"In London we have so many f#%king South Africans and Aussies that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice !"

[boosboss]

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed

in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears.

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side,but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and after a while, she finds herself thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds and he romantically lifts her in

his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's

clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,

and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

--------------------

[brum]

What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?

One's got hydraulics and the other's got high boll*cks.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers,

'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20's, they are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry'.

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases:

In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After 50, it is like a Christmas Tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration'.

[VeryBerryCherry]

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A

SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER

FOREARM AND

THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY

PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO

HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE

A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD

TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO

THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER

REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT...I'M

GETTING A FAX!!

[Jah Lush]

What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.

We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

[Jah Lush]

Q. What does a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness have in common?

A. Black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

FOR CURRY LOVERS EVERYWHERE

Natal Curry Contest

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY

Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY

Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich Manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY

Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.

Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting p*ssed from all the beer.

CURRY 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY

Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

CURRY 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.

Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Scr*w them.

CURRY 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to sh*t myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream.

CURRY 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY

Judge 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CURRY 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY

Judge 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?

Judge 3 - No Report

[djfitz]

Three guys meet for pints every Friday night and every Friday night they make up some stupid dare or other. One Friday night, just before they leave the pub, they debate which ridiculous dare they should make.

"I know", said one of them. "When you go home tonight you have to do the first thing your wife tells you to do. There and then. No questions asked"

"Brilliant", "Agreed" the others chime, and off they go, into the night to meet next week.

The following Friday the three turn up in their local. They look like shit. Dirty clothes, greasy hair, none have washed all week. They sit in silence for hours with gloom hanging over their heads. No-one wants to talk about what happened the previous friday night. Eventually one of them picks up the courage:

"Right. I got home last Friday and there's the wife doing the dishes so I thought I'd give her a hand. I drop a plate on the floor and she goes 'Well smash the whole fucking place up, why don't you'. I went bezerk. Thrashed the kitchen and sitting room and spent most of the night up on the roof with a sledge hammer. The house is wrecked"

The second bloke says:

" You think that's bad? I was in the sitting room having a smoke when some ash fell on the carpet. 'That's great' says the wife, 'Set the whole place on fire, why don't you'. So out I got a can of petrol, doused the walls and carpet and set it alight. The kids barely got out alive. The wife wants a divorce and I'm living in a hostel. My life is shit"

"You think that's bad?!!" says the third. "You know how having a couple of jars makes me randy? When I got in form the pub last friday I went straight upstairs and climbed into bed beside the wife. I dropped the hand and started feeling her fanny. 'Right' She said, 'You can cut that out for a start!'"

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

Australian humour

Ten days before Christmas an elderly Australian man in Brisbane calls his son in Perth.

The old man says, 'I hate to ruin your Christmas, but I have to tell you that

your mother and I are getting divorced; 35 years of misery is enough.'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call

your sister in England and tell her,' and he hangs up.

In a panic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like hell they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there on Friday. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up and turns to his wife.

'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.'

[Rolo Tomasi]

Rhinestone - Class!

[djfitz]

A mum from SouthEast London is washing the dishes when her daughter walks into the kitchen.

"Mum, why are your hands so soft?" asks the curious child.

To which mum replies: "Cos I'm only fackin' thirteen, innit!"

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

The teacher at school asks about the different job each father does .

The first little girl said: 'My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.'

The next child, a little boy said: 'I'm Andy and my dad is a mechanic.'

And so it went until one little boy said: 'My name is Johnny and my father

is a striptease artist in a gay club.'

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school

yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was

really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, 'No, he's really a Business Development

Director at Citi Bank, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell anyone.

[Jimbob]

according to a recent survey 85% of scousers have had a sexual experience whilst taking a shower.

the other 15% havn,t been to prison.

[boosboss]

I urgently needed a few days off work, But I knew the Boss

would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted crazy, then he would tell me

to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises,

My co-worker ( who's blonde ) asked me what I was doing,

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so, that the

Boss might think I was crazy, and give me time off.

A few minutes later, the Boss came into the office and asked;

What in the name of God are you doing?'

I told him that I was a light bulb.

He said: 'You are clearly stressed out - go home and rest

for a couple of days,'

I jumped down and walked out of the office.....

When my co-worker ( the blonde ) followed me the Boss asked her;

' And where do you think you're going?!'

She said 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark !'

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

SOCIALISM - You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATIC-ISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION - You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION - You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION - You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION - Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION - You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

A SPANISH CORPORATION - "You have two cows. You set up a construction company, build 1,000 cow sheds, open a real state agency and advise your cows to buy 500 cow sheds each because after all, the price of cow sheds never goes down."

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

Peter Kay One Liners

1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.

I said 'Thyroid problem?'

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?'

I said 'No, six should be enough.'

11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

7) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

13) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY

1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?

6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8) Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?

14) What do you call male ballerinas?

15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

[Jah Lush]

Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?

A: Because he only comes once a year.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

CHURCH CONFESSION

The preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.'

No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving

my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more

than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car

shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I

got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the

neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbours

daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been

having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would

leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has

been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,

but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly

distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through

to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

...............................................................................................................

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a

variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no

debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and

hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none

of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump

itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Walter

[Rolo Tomasi]

Bragging About Kids.

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunite at a party .

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Jimbob]

I got a Jehovah,s Witness advent calender today. I opened the first door and there was two of the bastards standing behind it.

[Jimbob]

what do you call an indian with pink hair?

ghandi floss.