a joke

[Sue]

:))

[daizie]

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota,

He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist

high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and

the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look

through the kitchen window. He says that if it gets much worse, he

may have to let her in.

[Jah Lush]

Apparently Gary Glitter has applied for a season ticket for Aston Villa. He?s heard that the strikers are Young, Bent and maybe Keane.

[Bluerevolution]

.

[Narnia]

The Donkey

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for ?100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, Sorry son, but I have some

bad news. The Donkey has died.

Paddy replied, Well then just give me my money back.

The farmer said, Can?t do that. I?ve already spent it.

Paddy said, OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.

The farmer asked, What are you going to do with him?

Paddy said, I?m going to raffle him off.

The farmer said, You can?t raffle a dead donkey!

Paddy said, Sure I can. Watch me. I just won?t tell anybody he?s dead.

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, What happened with that dead donkey?

Paddy said, I raffled him off.

I sold 500 tickets at two euro a piece and made a profit of ?898

The farmer said, Didn?t anyone complain?

Paddy said, Just the guy who won.

So I gave him his two euro back.

Paddy now works for Anglo Irish Bank??????..

[Emerson Crane]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am today, 2:30am!!!!! Lucky for him I was up playing the drums.

[felt-tip]

i like that!

[Jah Lush]

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

[Scribe]

Paddy's walking through the village holding a bag of doughnuts. He bumps into Murphy who asks Paddy what's in the bag.

Murphy: So, watchya gat in da bag, boy?

Paddy: Doughnuts.

Murphy: Can ah have one if ah guess 'ow many you've gat?

Paddy: Murphy, if ya can guess 'ow many doughnuts oiv gat in da bag, yer can have both o' dem.

Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fockin' grand! I wonder how da gels got on."

[Captain Scarlet]

I had a friend, He couldn't stand his toes, so he cut them off,

I couldn't stand it,

I guess I'm lacktoes intolerant.

[Scribe]

1/10.

[Captain Scarlet]

The Egyptian Government have devised a way to settle the unrest on the streets.

Everyone has to get in a car, toot their horn and chill.

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. sorry about this but

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it's called Toot and Calm Down

said I was sorry.

XX

[Scribe]

1?/10, Corporal Scarlet.

[Scribe]

Not so much a joke, but more of a statement: I don't believe in all that stuff about God being the Architect of the world. But if he was, I don't like the man. Nobody in their right mind would get bored of dinosaurs.

[Captain Scarlet]

Scribe Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> 1?/10, Corporal Scarlet.

would you like me to post some hunting jokes for you Scribe?.

Tut tut...Stalking now are we?....that was a joke!.

[Captain Scarlet]

My son got kicked out of class today. The teacher asked him, "If I gave you ?20 and you paid ?5 to Joanne, ?5 to Jane and ?5 to Katie, what would you have?"

Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.

[Scribe]

Teenagers on 50cc mopeds - South London's answer to Vuvuzelas.

[Captain Scarlet]

How do you know when someone has a new Iphone?

They tell you.

[Captain Scarlet]

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom ?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

[Emerson Crane]

Captain Scarlet Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

> Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee

> about me cat."

> Vet: "Is it a tom ?"

> Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

(tu)

[Jah Lush]

A girl goes into a bar and asks for an example of double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

[rifleman harris]

I went to the doctors the other day and he told me to go behind the screen and get undressed.

I did this and I called out "Where shall I put my clothes" and he replied "Over there on top of mine"!:-$

[Jah Lush]

A guy walks into a bar and says "Gimme twenty shots of your best whisky." The bartender pours the shots, and the guy immediately pounds them all down like a madman.

The bartender says "Man, I've never seen anybody drink like that before."

He says "You'd drink like that too if you had what I have."

"What do you have?" asks the bartender.

The guy says "Fifty pence."

[Tarot]

Thats a good one J.L.

[Emerson Crane]

The Brittle Bone Society offered me ?750 cash in hand for a job, I tore their hand off for it.