a joke

[Captain Scarlet]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning

to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.

I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

The wife has been missing for a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

[Captain Scarlet]

good one:)-D

[Captain Scarlet]

A man in his hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

"Nurse," he mumbles. "Are my testicles black???"

The young Nurse raises his gown, holding his penis in one hand & his testicles in the other, she takes a closer look & says,

"There's nothing wrong with them Sir."

The man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her & says very slowly.

... "Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully."

"Are-my-test-re-sults back???"

[Huguenot]

Here's one you'll like Joe90:

I?ve patented the sleeveless burkha for the American market. It still covers the whole face, but there?s a concession there to the right to bare arms.

[Salsaboy]

The flooding in Thailand is getting worse. I saw an interview on Sky news today and the woman they were talking to said that the water was up to her bollocks.

[SilverSurfer65]

St. Peter said to God, "Hey boss, one of the hinges on the

Pearly Gates has broken off".

"Don't worry" said God, "Jim'll fix it".

[SilverSurfer65]

A man is watching golf on T.V., but he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie,

featuring a couple having sex.

I don't know whether to watch them or the game" he says to his wife.

"For heavens sake watch them," his wife says.

"You already know how to play golf!!"

[SilverSurfer65]

Last night I got drunk, so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs,

I took off my coat, shoes, top, trousers, underwear. The lot!!

I crept up very quietly, and it was only when I got to the top of the stairs,

I realised I was still on the bus!!!

[Captain Scarlet]

He He i'm liking the jokes folks:)-D

[spongebob]

Got myself a new Jack Russel puppy today he's mainly black, brown with a small white patch, so i've called him Peckham.

[katie1997]

Captain Scarlet Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> He He i'm liking the jokes folks:)-D

F@cking hilarious. If you possess less teeth than a Halloween pumpkin.

Where are you Jah Lush? The joke thread is in serious need of rescue and your jokes on here were very good.

[Sue]

katie1997 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Captain Scarlet Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > He He i'm liking the jokes folks:)-D

>

> F@cking hilarious. If you possess less teeth than

> a Halloween pumpkin.

>

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeh agreed, Katie 1997. F*****g pathetic.

[Annette Curtain]

The best one liner i've heard in ages.

Posted by: Katienumbers in response to the poor Peckham joke.

( i've had a good ten minutes of "mutley" laughing over that one )

Nette:))

[Sue]

:)-D

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

In the last ten years we have lost johnny cash, steve jobs, bob hope and jimmy saville . now we have no cash , no hope , no jobs and no one to fix it ......

[Parkdrive]

Jimmy Savilles family are naturally devastated by his death. However, they have been conforted somewhat by the kind offer from Cash4Gold to pay for his cremation.

[Thomas Micklewright]

What did the German policeman say to his tummy?

You are under a vest!

[spongebob]

Some people on here really need to lighten up a little bit!

[Salsaboy]

Are you calling me fat?

spongebob Wrote:

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> Some people on here really need to lighten up a

> little bit!

[the-e-dealer]

most!

[Jah Lush]

Q: What's the capital of Greece?

A: About ?2.50.

--------------------------------

Sent by carrier pigeon.

[KidKruger]

"I'm just a lonely schitzophrenic....but at least I have each other"

[Dopamine1979]

KidKruger Wrote:

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> "I'm just a lonely schitzophrenic....but at least

> I have each other"

If you threatened to commit suicide would that be considered a hostage situation?