Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I am really sorry, but my cactus is missing.


I have had to leave the window open during the hot weather - having had NO response from MrCactusFlapFitter, and I paid him 50 notes in cash with no receipt.


I know its Spring and his cactus-sap was rising and it was foolish of me to give him the opportunity, but there it is and I am mortified.


He is about 12 inches tall, green and rather spiky. If anybody spots him, please get in touch.


His name is - Fluffy.

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/3275-another-lost-cactus-thread/
Share on other sites

He is a little boy Cactus Moos and as such, is unlikely to be blessed with cactus-kittens.


The fox is a likely target though, he has been without for so long and he has so many ..... well, there is no delicate way of putting this ...... pricks.


Please keep your pet hedgehogs safely locked away.

It's people like you who make me sick. You are so selfish and should be banned from keeping a cactus. Did it have a collar; was it even chipped? I know they look all cuddly, but you have to take care of them. A cactus is not just for Christmas. I shall report you to the RSPCC.
BN5, I am outraged at your comment. A baby-holly-cactus hybrid is the responsibility of both of its parents, not just its holly-mother. Next you'll be saying that the holly is a tart, while the cactus is a stud. Your double standards are a disgrace to liberal caring-sharing fluffy woolly East Dulwich. I propose an hour in the Goose Green stocks, and will be bringing a very ripe melon myself.

My cactus' morals have clearly been under-mined by some ill-bred holly harlot! He was an innocent abroad and I am certainly not going to shell out to support a bunch of spikey hybrids. Clearly they should simply be exposed at birth or dumped in a local authority compost bin.


As for you PGC, its a Christmas Bloody Cactus, of course its for Christmas!


Responsibility?!, I have tried to teach Fluffy about safe sex, but the cactus/condom interface is not a happy one and tends to end in failure. I tried the sliding a condom over a carrot thing with him and he just panicked and claimed that I was trying to suffocate his best friend, Mr Crunchy; who is incidently partially sighted - ironic for a carrot.


Has Fluffy been seen in any backgardens, being fed titbits by the well meaning? He is partial to a spot of Growmore and can be tempted by a spalsh of Tomatrite if the mood takes him.

i saw a rather menacing looking cactus last night, he was peering through the window while i was preparing the greens.. maybe he saw someone he recognized under my blade, hence the menacing stare.. he did one though as soon as i piped up "i say, clear off!"

good luck with the search

I think the plight of cactus owners such as our own Michael Partyongus here is a microcosmic illustration of a greater moral decline in our society which is affecting not just cacti but all potted succulents and indeed even some aquifoliaceae.


Why it was only a year ago that our potted holly bush up and left without so much as a by-your-leave. I mean you expect that type of thing from cacti but this holly had ?breeding?.


We have heard rumors that he is still terrorising adventurous puppies and wayward footballs around the parks of SE London. If you do see him I think it would be best to call the police, he answers to the name of Buddy.


Our thoughts are with you in this hard time Mr Paeleophysicist.

I can confirm that the squashed cactus on Derwent Grove is actually a squashed very rare Panamanian Hedgehog, one half of the last breeding pair, it escaped from Sydenham Safari Park last week. The bad news is that the Panamian Hedgehog will soon die out completely as they pair for life and its partner will swiftly pine away.


The good news is that it is not Fluffy, so that's alright then.


Moos - rotten grapefruit? How cruel, that would be Fluffy's second cousin, sadly struck down down by fruit-leprosy. Give Crusty his bell and hood back and let him go back to begging down Lordship Lane in his last supturating days on the planet.

Hi my name is Cactus Jack


I run the company MrCactusFlapFitter.co.uk


The thorny comments about me from Mr Palaeologus are completely untrue. He asked me round to quote on his flaps and despite me bending over backwards I have not received any deposit from him, despite constructing a top of the range cactus flap from toughened cactus resistant glass. I believe the real culprit is Fluffy who is a bit of a prick tease. I know I was busy (it was close to Christmas) but Fluffy has been constantly bringing stray Holly through a flap that was not designed for such a purpose and then perforating them on the kitchen floor.


This is really beginning to needle me. You can talk to any of my customers who will be more than happy to tell you that I have left them completely satisfied with their custom flaps at a discounted price of ?750.

Cactus Jack!


I loved that film - a sort of hilariously bad Road Runner premise, with Kirk Douglas clearly paying for a new Ferrari as the bad guy, the ageing Ann-Margret (sp?) desperately trying to play the not-very-innocent ing?nue and for a bonus the young Arnold Schwarzenegger being completely rubbish as the good guy.

lozzyloz Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------


> Hi my name is Cactus Jack

> I run the company MrCactusFlapFitter.co.uk...


I think perhaps Michael Palaeologus has got confused between this company and the albeit similarly-named one MrFlatCatpusFitter.co.uk, whose owner is also mysteriously called Cactus.


So please all, make sure you're complaining about the correct company!

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Gone to the better hunting grounds during this local ongoing dry spell.
    • The Dreamliner has an impeccable service history, you are more likely to get mugged on the way to the airport than having any issue with your flight, that's how safe it is!  Have a great trip.
    • Maybe. Does that kill grass? If so, possibly the same dog that has left its poo outside my house - pretty sure it's not fox poo.
    • Here you are, intexasatthemoment (you seem to have been in Texas for a very long time!) We went to three of the recommended places yesterday,  as they were all in the same road (just near Wallington)  and I needed to give the car a run to avoid another slap on the wrist from my garage (and another new battery). Here's my findings. BARNES Parking We thought we would go here first as it was the earliest to close on a Sunday (3pm). There was no apparent entrance or anywhere to park. One notice said do not park on grass verge, and another one said staff cars only! Flittons was opposite but I'd already passed the entrance, so I had to drive down the road, turn round at the next available place (covered in signs saying do not park here) and park in Flittons car park! Plants Barnes  specialise in hardy perennials, so that was basically what they had, but an excellent selection, and many more unusual plants (or at least, plants you probably wouldn't find in a garden centre), eg Corydalis,  lots of different varieties of Epimediums, Trollius, some lovely Phygelius, lots of different ferns). The plants were divided into sections according to whether they needed sun or shade or could cope with both. They had a particularly good selection of  shade loving plants. There was really useful information above  each group of plants, which meant you didn't have to look at individual labels. All the plants looked in good health and  very well cared for. They don't produce a printed catalogue, but they  said their plant list was online (I haven't looked yet). I assume most of  the plants they have at any one time are when it's their flowering season (if they flower). I wasn't intending to buy anything, though was very tempted, but I'd definitely go here again once I've sorted out my overgrown garden. Other Stuff Don't think they sell pots, compost, etc. No cafe/tea room and I didn't see a loo, but Flittons is just over the road. FLITTONS  Parking Easy to park Plants Sorry, but mostly terrible. There was one section with vegetables and the rest was flowering plants. There was a general feeling of delapidation. Some of what was on display was actually dead (surely it would only take a minute to remove dead plants) and a lot of the rest was very poorly maintained, eg gone to seed, weedy, apparently unwatered, or with a lot of dead leaves. There was a notice asking for volunteers to work there, so I can only assume they can't afford to pay staff. Other stuff There was a notice to a play barn (?) saying invited people only, so I think they must host kids' parties or something. They redeemed themselves with a cosy little cafe with savoury stuff, nice cakes, iced chai and oat milk, and a loo. Also a selection of books and CDs on sale for charity. If you want an Andrews Sisters CD, you can find one here. There is a small shop with gift shop type stuff and a display of the history of Flittons, which apparently is family owned since the sixties (I think it was). I suspect that the arrival of Dobbies down the road must have greatly affected Flittons' fortunes, which is sad. DOBBIES  Parking Easy in theory once you had navigated a rather narrow entrance, but it was very busy so it took a while to find a space. Plants  Lots of plants, well maintained but I imagine their turnover is high. Lots of nice bedding plants for hanging baskets, window boxes etc  to cater for all tastes (ie some of it wasn't mine, but fine if you like those horrid little begonias (my opinion only) but they did have some nice (in my opinion) stuff as well. I was tempted but decided to buy from North Cross Road market. Fair selection of climbers, various different Clematis etc. I'd be happy to buy plants from here. The prices seemed reasonable and they were in good condition. Other stuff  It's a big garden centre with all that entails these days, so a large area selling garden furniture and storage, tools, animal collars, pots, all the usual stuff you would expect. Very helpful staff. There's a cafe which we didn't check out, charging points for electric cars, a Waitrose (no idea how big, we didn't look). Only on our way out did we see that there was a drive through "express section" for compost etc, which was annoying as I wanted compost and hadn't seen any anywhere,  but I was getting tired by that time. Just Down the Road A ten minute drive away is Wilderness Island, a nature reserve in Carshalton, which is well worth a visit. We heard eleven different kinds of bird (according to Merlin) and saw a Kingfisher flying down the tiny river!
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...