why having kids is the best thing ever

[Moos]

Did you honestly know before you and Mrs Lozzy had the Lozzlings how much hard work it was going to be?

I didn't.

[TillieTrotter]

I doubt anyone does Moos, but then again did you have any idea that you could love someone so much!?

[lozzyloz]

Agree you can never fully appreciate it until you have kids. However, the emphasis on guys is more along the lines of "be careful or it's gonna cost you financially for the rest of your life." How stupid was I then 18 years ago!? Having said that for every mother putting up the 'it's all perfect facade', there's at least two others that will tell it how it really is. You only have to look down any high street and see mothers struggling with a buggy loaded with shopping and kids throwing tantrums. You wouldn't buy a car with out test driving it first and you only keep them for a couple of years.

[TillieTrotter]

But isnt that they same with jobs as well. You gotta take the rough bits with the smooth!

[SeanMacGabhann]

Cars and jobs can be changed/abandon tho' can't they?

It's the permanence of children that's the scariest (and I'm sure, most rewarding) bit

[TillieTrotter]

Tis true Mac, and I knew someone was going to bring up that, erm, massive point.

It's the hardest job in the world no doubt about it but truely the most rewarding. Honestly guv.

[Keef]

But why do you love them so much? That's an honest question, I know they are part of you and all that, but I worry that should I ever have a kid, I will resent it a bit for the loss of the lifestyle that I do enjoy lots. I don't want to have to plan a month ahead to have a Friday night bender, and suffer horrifically the next day on the come down!

[lozzyloz]

Agree with that sentiment TT though some mothers would disagree with the rewarding bit. Most mothers get little thanks for what is possibly the most important job in the world. Perhaps another thread. Most Dads (me included) don't do half the stuff that mothers do although as Brendan and Keef pointed out earlier, they do have important roles.

[TillieTrotter]

I honestly couldnt say Keef. But it's pretty overwhelming I can tell you. You of all the folk on here know how many times I've had to cancel a night out or whatever, but I cant say that that makes me resent my kids. You just learn to adapt to the changes they bring.

[citizenED]

The question of whether to have kids or not taxes and perplexes us so much simply because its not a choice between the two in any real sense, not in the sense that you choose tea this time because next time you can have coffee, or you'll buy this CD because it takes your fancy. It's already been stated on here that it's not always a choice to have children. Some people can't, some never get into the position to and some people just fall into it. That seems accurate. Do we really think that we micro-manage our lives to that extent! You are with children, in the same way you are young or you are old. When you are old, no point bemoaning the fact that you were once young. You have kids - its a new phase of your life.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Two advantages: first, they make you endless cups of coffee; secondly, you can go and watch kids films with them in tow as an excuse.

[SteveT]

Keef wrote:I worry that should I ever have a kid, I will resent it a bit for the loss of the lifestyle that I do enjoy

When you have a kid you will not remember your old lifestyle.

You become part of the couples with kids club, and you have to change steaming nappies which bring tears to your eyes and your whole abode is taken over by kid klutter.

You cannot put a foot down without looking first, lest you turn your ankle on some crappy wheelie clanking ringing thing that some dear unthinking grand parent has sent you.

But you know, we've all had to suffer, why shouldn't you be miserable for the rest of your active life like the rest of us ;-)

[Brendan]

Near as the men in white coats can figure, certain carbon-based molecules, when arranged in a certain way, spontaneously self replicated. This self replication takes energy and subsequently organisms have grown around these molecules in order to gather energy. The organisms compete for different energy sources. Some of them cooperate in order to better exploit resources and complex life is formed. Because of this ongoing process of competition and cooperation life tends towards complexity until one day sentient, mobile, pools of water filled with billions of madly self-replicating carbon based molecules think up words like existential and crisis and wonder why they bother to reproduce.

Well it?s because: Near as the men in white coats can figure, certain carbon-based molecules, when arranged in a certain way, spontaneously self-replicate.

There are of course other theories, mostly propagated by men in dresses. They make just about as much sense but can be more entertaining.

[NatashaD]

Thank you Sean and Moo for answering 'Lozzyloz's point in a balanced way. As a relatively 'new' poster, I am a bit affronted that 'Lozzyloz' has jumped down my throat, so to speak, on a couple of occasions. I have no idea why.

[lozzyloz]

Sorry NatashaD, not intentionally jumping down your throat. I'll try and be a little more gentle in future.

[NatashaD]

LOL lozzyloz. That's OK.

[citizenED]

Keef asked "why do you love them so much?" God only knows. But as Tillie said it is, for many, overwhelming. All consuming. I used to think the same - I mean, having kids is really just a normal function of being human, like having friends, working and eating. Everyone has kids so why is it so special? But then I had some and comparing it to other human experiences is tricky because there is, essentially, nothing like it. You can ask "do I go on holiday or buy a car", you can ask, "do I live in ED or in Sydenham?" That is like addition, you can tally it up. But the love you have for your kids is not even like multiplication, its like the exponential factor x to the power of n.

But then..... I was reminded of that mother in the news lately who let her kid starve to death in the flat above the pub where she worked and wondered where her love had evaporated to.

[VeryBerryCherry]

Brendan Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I like kids. Having once been one myself I tend to

> identify with them more so than with adults who I

> am still trying to get used to.

I too still feel like a child to be honest. I even threw a tantrum in Glastonbury because Mr VBC told me off for being mardy!

I think having a child would be too much competition >:D<

No, but on a serious note. I think the honesty on here is great and I do think it's something you don't hear as often as you should. My friend gave birth a few days ago and is still reeling from the birthing nightmares she keeps having. And that is only the beginning. All she could say was, "Why did no one ever tell me how horrific it would be?"

But then again, I think we as a species would die out...

[TillieTrotter]

Not wanting to come across as some Ma Walton....but I've just got back from seeing my son's last ever primary school play. It was brilliant, so much talent and the eager little faces searching out their parents is just wonderful. I had tears in my eyes more than once, bubbled over at one point:-$

I'm probably coming across as a complete sap but I'm not that bothered if I am to be honest. It made my day.

[SeanMacGabhann]

errr.. that's Ms Olivia to you an me... * sigh *

[TillieTrotter]

So it is John boy;-)

[Asset]

The thing that annoys me is I have to hold onto myself every time I sneeze.

[TillieTrotter]

Pelvic floor exercises darling! Pee and hold, pee and hold. Did your mother not tell you anything:-$

[indiepanda]

So many comments that resonate for me - whoever it was that said it was odd asking "do you like children?" as if they are all the same is so right. No one would expect you to like all adults so why you should like all children is beyond me. I can remember having some miserable times at school with bullying and bitching - not sure those children were exactly likeable.

I know exactly what Keef means about being able to be spontaneous and have great nights out without a month of planning. Without exception all my friends with children rarely go out for the evening. And even if they did few seem to be able to stay up after 10 so bit of a waste of money paying for a babysitter to go out for such a short time!

Definately true having kids doesn't need to cost a fortune - when I was a kid we didn't have computer games, TVs in our room, shop bought clothes ( we had home made or market stall), holidays abroad etc, but I don't feel like I missed out on that. I'd have liked it if we had the money for music lessons or something like that though. But some parents these days do seem to overload their kids with classes... seem to forget they need to have time to just be kids. At least once the homework was done my time was my own.

When I think about my friends with kids (which is most of my long standing friends) some seem pretty happy and have managed to retain an identity beyond being a parent, can even see it's brought out the best in them - and one I would say that about wasn't planning a family. But some... I don't think they would ever admit it, but they don't seem as happy now and their world seems to have narrowed to the point they don't want to talk about anything other than children - conversations become somewhat one way.

I might surprise myself and meet a guy I could think of as being reliable enough to be a father (I seem to have a talent for picking men who I wouldn't trust to post a letter for me never mind be a parent), or maybe life will throw a curveball my way... can't say never yet. But if I were a betting woman, I'd put money on me staying child free. The fear of turning into my mum is a powerful incentive to be careful with the contraception. I love her, but she isn't a very happy person.

[SeanMacGabhann]

liked that TT

Good post by indiepanda btw - and not the first either

I've chatted with Keef on this subject before and feel similarly - but many of the parents from the forum have definitely given me hope (as it were)