If I was boss of Southwark or East Dulwich and had total power I would . . .

[PeckhamRose]

(Edited to add I look forward to reading everyone's thoughts on what you would do if you were boss!)

. . . get rid of all traffic lights and put roundabouts in, with zebra crossings around the roads, and make everyone aware by mass regular publicity that you give way to traffic on your right only after you have made sure there is no-one crossing. After about two or three hundred deaths, I reckon it would work...

This is East Dulwich first then the whole of Southwark.

I drive around all of London alot and there are many many areas which only use roundabouts.

Oh - and I'd allow all motorcycles to ride in Bus Lanes too.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Ban umbrellas. Nasty dangerous-poky-eyes-out things.

[SteveT]

I would improve the footpaths on Lordship Lane.

Then bring back flogging.

The stocks.

and Hanging in goose green.

Dig a pond for all the geese on the green and install a 'Ducking Chair'

Now what shall we do to wrong doer's.............................punishments fitting the crime, cut fingers off burglars.

Cut the tongues out of lying politicians, solicitors, judges, doctors etc.

I cannot think what to do about rapists, er any ideas ladies?

[Administrator]

Lounged

[PeckhamRose]

tee hee (to PGC!)

[12345]

1. Shut down every fried chicken shop in Southwark.

2. Buy myself a new house.

3. Pay off my debts

4. Open more decent nightclubs

[Moos]

.

[Keef]

12345 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> 1. Shut down every fried chicken shop in Southwark.

You bloody well leave Favourite Fried Chicken alone you heathen!!!

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Ban umbrellas. Nasty dangerous-poky-eyes-out things.

I am so so with you on this one!!!

My first thought, which I am not proud of, was to shut down all the primary schools in Dulwich, simply to spite the fools who paid over the odds for the right catchment area. That however would be really quite mean, so the schools can stay.

I would reintroduce smoking in pubs, and to hell with the lot of you!

[Brendan]

Build myself a big f**koff Castle on the golf course and have a party going 24/7

Shoot anyone who acted like a w****r.

[macroban]

Fund East Dulwich Community Centre through 2009/10.

[LuvPeckham]

Got to say I love the idea of a Pond on Goose Green for the Geese !! now how about we put a CGS bid in for that and also half a dozen geese or ducks

Other then that, I would make all of the side roads off Barry Road and Lordship Lane blocked at one end (like the Gardens of Peckham Rye) to stop those bluming annoying rat runners using them as short cuts at 90+ miles an hour

[Louisa]

I would ban all public transport - especially buses grrr

I would ban all parking wardens with immediate effect and allow cars to park anywhere they like.

I would close down every single boutique style shop on LL with immediate effect for whatever reasons I could think of.

I would give community support officers guns so that they could take control of the streets and keep the youth under control.

I would make sure spitting, littering, doo pooing and swearing in public was an on the spot fine on ?1000 and if not paid the old bill come and arrest their arse.

God I can but dream!

Louisa.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Well, you've given me nightmares with that list! (last one aside)

[Louisa]

Sean, I like to see myself as a kind of modern day heroine for the afflicted working class locals who want order and discipline to return to the local community. I think I could make it work, dont you?

Louisa.

[Moos]

Nice one Louisa, but wouldn't everyone be pissed off by the absence of affordable transport?

[Brendan]

I would quite like a swiming pool filled with olive oil.

Posh olive oil mind.

[Louisa]

They can walk cant they? I thought we had an obesity timebomb on our hands, i'd be doing everyone a favour. God I should be a local councillor.

Louisa.

[jumpinjackflash]

Replace Starbucks with some place that does real coffee not that pisswater type crap they currently serve up

Erase all yellow lines on Lordship Lane

Get rid of Somerfield and replace with M&S

Open Arabian/bedouin type lounge with outdoor shisha pipe area

[Brendan]

Make all pubs free to choose where they buy their stock from and whether they will allow smoking or not.

[Moos]

To Louisa :))

[MadWorld74]

1-Pay myself a huge salary

2- With the huge salary I'd by a house, in Devon.

3- Force litter louts to crawl on all fours and beg for forgiveness in the knowledge that littering in general would carry corporal punishment, under my rules. (could be a turn on for some)

4-Close the local pubs/bars on LL on the weekends, to anyone but a bona fide East Dulwich resident.

5-Set up a fox rescue project.

6-Allow myself unlimited access to the decks in The Gowlett on Lucky 7's night (there's so much music to share)

7-Put in a zebra crossing on the corner of the street outside Somerfield in LL. I'm sick of risking my life crossing the road.

8-Close Cafe Nero because they burn the coffee beans and that place is always a mess. (The staff are young, they'll get other jobs)

9-Enforce a clean up programme for the numerous African hair salons in Peckham Rye. The clumps of hair thrown out/blown out onto the streets is an absolute disgrace.

and 10-Put an open air swimming pool in Peckham Rye Park, that, for the serious swimmers amoungst us, had certain times where you can only lane swim. Kids have their own times. Infaltables are optional.

I thank you.

[Jah Lush]

Order an immediate cull of Estate agents in the area, although I suspect that is happening already.

Knock down the police station and build a theatre/music venue.

Turn Foxtons into a Guitar/music shop.

Reintroduce smoking in bars.

Pedestrianise North Cross Road.

Legalise drugs.

Get rid of the new wallpaper in the CPT and replace a white paint job.

Close down the Harvester and restore it back to a proper pub with a decent restaurant out the back.

Invest heavily in Dulwich Hamlet football club to ensure they get into the Premiership as soon as possible.

Introduce on the spot ?1,000 fines to blow-ins from Clapham or Balham infiltrating Lordship Lane on a Friday or Saturday night or anyone who acts like a bit a wanker after a couple of pints of Stella.

[PeckhamRose]

. . . I would hang a big sign across the road from EDT to the other side so people entering Lordship Lane would see: "Welcome to East Dulwich. Be nice. Or F&*k off and detour left and go right up Peckham Rye then Barry Road to get to the other end."

At the top end I'd say pretty much the same thing, 'cept the directions in reverse obviously.

QUITE like banning traffic wardens idea, because that way people would have to monitor themselves.

But am dead glad no-one has suggested pedestrianising the whole street yet.

Elsewhere on BorisWatch Louisa said how the car-addicts would not want Parliament Square paved.

Yet now she bans public transport here! I think she's being a bit pesky.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Well I vote Jah Lush for King.

[MadWorld74]

Jah Lush needs to invite you all around to his, for a party where you can all smoke, take drugs and watch the Dulwich Omelete Football Club on the TV as they'd be in the Premiership.