East Dulwich - The Soap Opera?

[fish]

Forget East Enders, how about East Dulwich as a soap opera? Anyone up for suggesting the first scene?

[Keef]

Someone dead outside the CPT. We all say how bad it is, then go inside and get drunk. The episode ends with myself and CrystalClear having a punch up over Dulwichmum ;-)

[TillieTrotter]

Well I am a Fowler for real....do I get a part?

[dulwichmum]

Darling Mr Keef, lets do it! I just bought a fabulous new dress in Jaeger on Regent Street, and had my spray tan topped up. I a sure I could sneakily take a lend of James' new dvd recorder thingey.

We could have Mr Mikewbate trying to make off with Ana the au pair, and Mr Batdog could make an entrance in a wet shirt - in the manner of Sean Connery with a wet shirt, in that classic film Marnee!

Most of all I love the scene where attractive men engage in fisticuffs over me. James is at work again today, but I made him bring Max with him today, just to ensure there is nothing else occupying his time...

I am free until about 6pm. Is anyone else up for it?

[dulwichmum]

Thanks for that boys! I was all ready to make my entrance...

[mockney piers]

From what I can discern from a CrystalClear text. It looks like they were reanacting a comedy drinking episode at the CPT yesterday. You should have gone down and made your entrance anyway, before getting slung aaat by peggy 'candice' mitchell.

[CrystalClear]

who wins keef?

[Keef]

We both take some good shots, then get out of breath, so we sit down and have a smoke and another pint, at which point DM says she can't choose between us :)-D

[Mark]

Cut to scene outside the multi-national coffee shop Caffe Costabucks where, after a coded telephone warning from the East Dulwich People's Liberation Front, the police are evacuating the area as a suspicious package has been found. Zoom in to face in the crown and a man in an All Blacks top smiling to himself as he waits for the bomb squad to do a controlled explosion on his tactically placed tub of marzipan.

Meanwhile a couple are sitting on a bench in Goose Green having a heated discussion...

[mockney piers]

Dulwichmum - I don't know how to tell you this. I've been to battersea dogs home and found an adorable Jack Russel pup, his name's keef.

Batdog - This caaan't be 'appening, I'w kill 'im I wiw, kill him.

*as batdog rises, a bulging eyed sea of rage, he is restrained by an avuncular CrystalCLear*

CC - Don't do it batdog, its not werf it, you'w be looking at a twenty stretch!

*batdog calms almost imperceptibly*

BD - You've not 'eard the last of this dulwichmum, i'w be back, you'w pay fer this!!

[dulwichmum]

DM pops darling Keef into her enormous handbag having first kissed him on the nose and wrapped the sweet baby in her baby blue cashmere cardigan.

Stands up and walks back up Lordship Lane in search of an appropriate coffee boutique.

Stops to admire the reflection of her white jeans in the window of the East Dulwich Deli. Pops Ipod earphones in ears and begins to sing along to Take That track...

[CrystalClear]

Sorry DM, but am having disturbing images flash through my head of baby Keef and his dipers!!

[Keef]

Crystal, are you American? :-S

Sorry DM, Baby blue is not a colour that should be associated with any character given such a great name! ;-)

We'll have to have a sit down and go through this script a bit I think.....

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr Crystalclear - I thought you told me that Keef was represented as a puppy dog in this scene? I really need some more instruction, clearly!

Keef darling, what colour of cashmere cardigan had you pictured?

Where are the make-up people? If I don't get a latte soon I shall expire, I just know it...

I really have no problem with the filming, but the damn standing about, and the endless retakes...

[CrystalClear]

surely keef's playing a pint of grolsch? :)

[bagpuss78]

No, double vodka red ball it has more character!

[Keef]

No Keef shall play Keef, and do many scenes involving product placement of said beverages! ;-) DM I too was confused, the puppy can wear whatever you like...

[dulwichmum]

Can I use Mr Batdog then, I have him here in my bag afterall? He looks so cute against the blue cashmere...

[Keef]

Why of course, although he's not a Jack Russel...

[dulwichmum]

No, and I bet he is not even a dog either.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Clearly the revalation that Mr Batdog is not actually a dog will be an important story arc. He could perhaps be Keef's long-lost father? Hence they both look particularly good in baby-blue cashmere and diapers.

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr Mikewbate, whatever he was, he has gone!

[Michael Palaeologus]

What, forever DM?

[dulwichmum]

It does seem that way - at least as far as I am concerned! He has washed his hands of me - like an old shoe!

[Michael Palaeologus]

An interesting mixture of metaphors DM.

He was never the right man for you. He has no hairy welsh mother. There's lovely.